All That I've Got Gabriel POV
by BlackWingedGabriel
Summary: The story All That I've Got from Gabe's point of view.
1. Scent

**Greetings Fanfic folk! I have returned with what I promised. This is the first chapter of Gabe's point of view, so in a way it is the sequel to All That I've Got...1. I decided to leave the same title cuz it's less confusing for those who already read it. Anyhow, please keep in mind that this is just a pilot chapter. In accordance to how you, the reader, react to this story, plot, whatever, I will continue with Chapter 2. Otherwise I can just delete it and we can all pretend I never wrote it. **

**WARNING. The chapter is slow in a way just like _November _was because just like Bella, Gabe had his issues. ****_It_ took me a while to get back on roll with Gabe because I forgot how he was and how he thought. But six hours into it and I remebered so I hope you guys like it. **

Scent

The house was abandoned…and I had dirt in my eyes, I didn't know which was more annoying.

I could see through a large window at the vast room. It looked despondent in the dark of night. My chance for survival, my _only_ chance was not there. It was fine though; the pain was bearable compared to having had to supplicate to that human lover. Or at least that is what I kept telling myself. My insides had been screaming with the pangs of hunger ever since I had surfaced. The human hiker I had tried to unsuccessfully take had batted me on the side of the head with his walking stick after I had dithered on my attack on him. Though it had been a waste of food I had made sure he wouldn't be able to hike much after that. It hadn't been like I could have drunk his blood anyhow, the curse was as powerful as ever. I was in my own personal hell after all.

And they were still gaining up on me…why couldn't they just leave me alone?

I had traveled across the world, even gone _into_ it and they still came. It wasn't like I had done anything atrocious to deserve this.

Okay, yes I had insulted and killed a couple of them; actually enjoyed myself while doing it…but didn't they know anything about the concept of forgiveness?

"Pricks," I muttered glowering into the empty house and at my reflection. A pair of black eyes stared back; it took a minute for me to realize they were mine.

What to do now? Carlisle Cullen had been my last resource. Without him available I would…I would what? Die? It was much too late for that.

Just what exactly had I wanted from the man? I had only met him a century ago but I had gotten the impression even then that he was different. When I had discovered he was a human lover I hadn't been surprised, he had been too soft, much too kind.

Kindness

Maybe that was what I had wanted…

Ooh look at me, I'm such a sensitive vampire. It is no wonder I never cried and talked about my feelings with my screaming victims like Carlisle probably would have.

There wasn't much I could do anymore. I could keep running but it would be more like crawling now; I had no strength in me. Walking was a chore, every bone in my body ached and my muscles felt as if they were suffering from atrophy. Even breathing came short and raspy when I tried. It was idiotic; I was already dead, immortal. I shouldn't have needed to be worrying about any of this. But I knew it was inevitable, I hadn't fed in almost a year. My own body was drying slowly inside out and I couldn't escape the pain of it all. There were no anesthetics for me, I couldn't pass out from shock…I couldn't die.

I would be living like this forever.

_I'll let them catch up_, I thought dully as my knees gave up on me and I toppled to the ground, my head slamming on the pane of the window on my way down.

I laid on the ground staring at the stormy black sky swirling above me and felt stupid. I was Gabriel, a powerful elder of the Priam, centuries old and here I was bonking my head on piece of wood. In a few months or year I would resemble what humans called jerky and animals would chew on my body as soon as I lost the ability to move.

There was absolutely no possible way for me to sink lower than this.

I managed to get up slowly and made the decision of letting myself into Carlisle's home. It would be better than digging another hole to curl in or find a cave in my current condition. Griping the edge of the window to steady myself I punched the glass.

"You piece of—" I gasped under my breath.

Okay, this was it, I was downright pathetic.

My punch had not hurt the glass in any way. The only things suffering pain had been my brittle knuckles.

It was as if I was a human all over again. My strength, my speed, it was all gone. The only thing I didn't want was the one that would never leave me: my immortality.

I looked around and found a thick stone that fit just right on the palm of my hand but was still heavy enough to cause some damage.

While striking the window until I made a hole big enough for me to crawl through I finally resigned. I would wait for my pursuers. Hell, I would even throw them a welcome party when they arrived.

Even if they didn't kill me fast enough I knew I would die eventually. Besides, using a stone had been the last straw; there really wasn't much my ego could take anymore.

On my hands and knees I managed to get in. I crawled slowly to the farthest corner from my handmade entrance just as the first fat drops of rain began to pelt the ground.

In the empty house with only the rain as sound I closed my eyes and pretended I could sleep. Centuries had passed since I had been able to do it. Even the trance I had managed to put myself under when I had buried myself in the hole had not been enough. But maybe I had not tried hard enough. Maybe if I closed my pitch black eyes tight enough that their own darkness would complete mine …

Thunder rolled, hail began to fall with loud clatters wherever it fell and the rain came down like a sheet of liquid power. It was as if the elements themselves wanted me awake.

Every clap of thunder and every fallen drop of rain or hail had its own voice which wanted to be heard. It was like a chant or a chorus, _'You deserve this, you can't play the victim, you deserve this…'_

Victim, was that what I was?

All the choices I had made, all the actions I had taken had led me to this. A lifetime of errors I had never acknowledged.

Once more I was forced to open my eyes and face the pain of what I had become.

_I have fallen lower than low brother, is this what you wanted?_ I thought bitterly.

I closed my eyes and I could see Michael clearer than day, staring at me as if I was his whole universe, as if everything wonderful in this world happened to pop out of my as—hat.

"_I tried to hold onto you Gabriel, but you always preferred to hold onto your grudge instead…_"

"Why didn't you protect me from this then?" I asked him.

"_I tried…"_

"Not hard enough!" I snapped and opened my eyes. There was no one with me but it didn't matter, I was too far gone. His memory, his voice and last words were still with me.

"_Do you just remember the bad memories, what about the good Gabriel?"_

Good memories…when had those happened? Maybe I had slept through them…ha, sleep, I'm funny.

"_I can't take the blame for everything; some of this was your fault too."_

"Damn it Michael, just shut up, shut up, it was your entire fault, you took everything too far," my face turned to the wall instinctively. No one could see my pain, I wouldn't let them. I was already weak I couldn't let anybody take anything else from me. Without my pain I realized nothing would be left.

"_Will you hate me forever Gabriel?"_

Those had been his last words to me but I hadn't answered. I had turned my back on him and never said what I really wanted.

A cold gust of wind tore into the room with a ghostly wail through the broken window. I could feel goose bumps rise all over my naked skin.

I was cold, I was immortal and a walking corpse but I was still cold…maybe if the trackers didn't hurry I could learn how to knit myself a pretty sweater.

I needed a hobby instead of talking to somebody who was not there.

"I never wanted to fight you," I finally admitted to the blank wall as I suppressed a shiver. I knew Michael wasn't there but I had never told him, I had to tell _someone_. "I'll always love you, but yes, I hate your guts pretty much about now."

* * *

Hours in the large room turned into days, which then morphed into weeks. With my eyes wide open I counted the times the sun would rise and set on me.

Now that I had given up, the anxiety of them catching up on me had turned the other way. They were being far too slow.

Where were they? Why hadn't trackers found me yet? Was it because they knew this was Carlisle's territory? Maybe the soft human lover was far more respected than I had thought, but that didn't help me; it was just a hindrance now.

How would I be able to leave this moronic world if trackers weren't around to rip my head off?

But still I waited patiently. They would come eventually, I wouldn't suffer forever.

When the odd rumbling noise approached a final night I couldn't help but feel smug. The elders thought they were punishing me; it hadn't occurred to them that they would actually be the ones setting me free. I had always said they were idiots; turns out I had been right all along.

_Come on, come on, I'm waiting, get on with it already…_

There was a metallic slam followed by slow steps.

Just how good were these trackers nowadays? At the pace this new tracker was going I would be able to decapitate it even in my pathetic condition. For a moment I felt a stab of annoyance. How dare those straw-stuffed elders send mediocre bounty trackers after _me_? It was a personal insult.

The tracker stopped at the front door for a moment then I heard him come in cautiously.

My body had long ago come to a standstill. It wouldn't move unless I exerted great force on it. The pang of the thirst had become a staple to my body like an extra ghost limb so I was able to ignore it now that it I had given in into it. The pain of it was already a feeling I could no longer recall _not _feeling.

So why was it that now that I had gotten used to this hell on earth that it could possibly get worse?

As soon as the door had opened the miniscule breeze had flown through and brought with it a scent so…so…

How was it that something so stunning to the very extent of the word could be so horrifying at the same time?

It lighted up my long-numbed senses in the flash of a second and made every inch of my body shudder as if from an electric shock. For a moment a memory of what I used to be, how I used to feel, came back rushing to me: the power, strength, security…it was all there. But just as the scent had awoken my dormant self it made the curse stronger.

This scent, it was as if it had come to rub on my face just exactly what I could no longer have. The thirst along with the pain intensified to an unbearable point.

I was torn; I wanted for it to just be over so that I could die in my little corner in peace. But I also wanted to smell, the scent was so striking, even soothing in its own way…I wanted to keep inhaling forever which somehow terrified me.

"I know that…"

I blinked in shock at the soft voice, realizing for the first time that the scent itself hadn't come out of nowhere but from a person.

A human girl

A growl of frustration threatened to escape me but I kept it back. Here I was, starving to death and the most delicious blood I had ever encountered came to me willingly and I couldn't even drink it.

Okay, I took it back, I hated Michael; I would hate him forever for this.

"Please don't say it…not out of pity…"

I could hear the halting shuffling steps on the hallway as they came closer. Soon the human would enter the room and see me here. Would I be able to take her? Her smell was so intoxicating, it made me light headed I couldn't begin to imagine even the damn curse having the ability of stopping me from taking her. How could anyone stop from taking her?

"I never cared about that…"

A pale face floated into the room, more like staggered actually. The girl was holding slightly onto the wall as if she was about to pass out. Her heart-shaped face was framed with messy brown hair and her pair of bright eyes swept the floor full with the evidence of my handy work.

The full moon's light made her exposed pale skin to glow so that it seemed as if she was the source from where the light came from. Her mouth was opened in a small o as she kept on walking into the room.

I wanted her, I wanted her more than I had wanted anything in all my years of immortality, and there had been plenty of those. My mind began to wildly imagine what the hot liquid would taste like in my mouth. It nearly drove me up the wall.

She walked further into the room, stirring up a breeze as she went. Every step brought her closer to me. My stiff arms tingled at the prospect of the hunt.

And just as I was about to go for it, I felt it, the wave of sickness only the curse could bring. It was like the turning of a coin, polar opposites.

Just as the blood had enticed me a moment ago, I could feel it repulse every fiber of my being now. Like human sickness, it nauseated me and made me recoil but it was just my body the only thing the curse could affect. In my head I knew the smell was ideal, I knew I would die to taste that blood but my body said otherwise and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

I shut my eyes and stopped from breathing. My teeth gritted in fury, why did this happen to me? Was she a fragment of my imagination created to torture me? It wasn't enough that suffering was now normal in my daily life, like oxygen for a human, now this _scent…_

Maybe if I didn't breath it in and ignored her, it would be much more bearable. Of course that in order for that to work she would have to not notice me, which she did.

"Did you break the window?" she asked in her soft voice.

"_My, how did you come to that conclusion you brilliant child?" _I wanted to snap but thought against it. Talking would require for me to breath, even turn to her.

"You're trespassing, I'm going to call the cops," she said a little bit louder.

Stupid, stupid girl, what was she doing here anyway? My life was complicated as it was, I didn't need her to make it worse with her perfect smell, perfect blood…

For a moment fury coursed through my body making me warm; I would kill them. Kill all those senile elders with God complexes for thinking they could just do this to me, make me so impotent, and get away with it.

"Here, wear this while I go to make a call," she began to come nearer. Every move she made sent shocks of hunger and revulsion through me. I couldn't take it any longer.

"Go away, don't get near me," I spat finally turning to her. She stopped short only a few feet away. The thick coat she had been holding out to me fell to the ground in a flutter as she stared at me. I watched in detached interest as her expression went from concern, to surprise, to naked fear in the time span of a second.

I wasn't surprised when she fell back in her attempt to get away from me; it was a reaction I was used to causing. I hadn't made it happen in quite a while, it made me feel nostalgic. Squirmy running humans were always fun sport.

She scrambled from the floor and rushed out the door. I winced at the loud rumble of the vehicle she drove. Only after I was sure she was a good ten miles away did I allow myself to breath but instantly regretted it.

At some point she had bled. The smell of it was still trapped in the room, it made me salivate and gag at the same time. I turned to look at the coat she had dropped and stared at it for a while. It radiated with the scent. Even after the potent smell of the blood had receded the scent of the coat remained.

Without thinking I reached for it and held it close, inhaling deeply. With herculean effort I managed to stand, still gripping the coat close. It was much too small for me to wear but it had retained her warmth. Unsteadily I walked across the room and out the front door. The moon cast everything in its silvery glow, even the trees looked like they shined.

I stood silent on the porch staring at the darkened turn beyond the trees that probably led to the road and wondered where she had gone.

**Penny for your thoughts, should I continue or just stop? The next chap will have BellaGabe interaction but if you guys want I can just do some magic and make it dissapear...like a bunny, so just say the word**


	2. Kindness

**Since nobody enjoyed this story I, BlackWingy, shall press the delete button with a heavy heart...sob, sob...sob.**

**Hehe, just kidding. Kidding!**

**First and foremost I want to apologize for the late update. I have been in Pre orientation and Orientation for the past two weeks. Classes haven't started yet but I promise that if you guys hang in there with me I will keep writing this. I know I will soon be overwhelmed with work but it's fine. I am now in college y'all, independent and mature (giggle, giggle) in my own dorm room with a slanted ceiling.**

Kindness

As a child I would follow Michael everywhere, even to the outhouse. He was what I wanted to be and with whom I wanted to spend all my time. My older brother was the favorite of everyone, a prince in his own right you could say. Whenever we would play hide and go seek he always found me no matter how hidden I was. I could have been inside a rock and he would still come, as if he could read my mind, as if he was the second part of my inner self walking around. There were plenty of Gods milling around waiting to be worshipped, but Michael was my God.

Sitting on the hard floor, as yet more rain fell and the air felt muggy and cold I wondered what was taking him so long. He knew me better than I knew myself. This was turning to be the longest game of hide and go seek ever; I wanted for him to find me, I prayed to every single god I had known he hurried.

_Michael, hurry up. If they get here before you…if you let anybody else do the dirty work I'll never forgive you._

At least this second time around when he ended my life I would be okay with it.

I leaned my head against the hard wall and adjusted the coat so that it covered my arms. The scent it exuded had finally calmed me down. Waiting for the incoming trackers and for Michael wasn't as tedious as before. The soft coat awarded me with a fountain of patience, or maybe it was the scent. Hours after inhaling I still hadn't gotten tired of it just yet, but I was getting fed up with myself. It was just a large piece of fabric…what was wrong with me? Maybe my brain, like my muscles, was suffering from atrophy.

I remembered how wide the girl's eyes had become after I had told her to leave. She had probably seen the monster through my eyes. Lightly I brushed a thumb over my closed eyelids. My eyes had lost their true color a long time ago but in my mind that was no loss. It didn't matter how pale my skin was, the hardness of my skin or the sharpness of my teeth to prove I was one of the undead. My eyes, which once had been a normal human green, shone with the preternatural power of the blood.

Now that the blood had been diminishing gradually so did my eyes. They were just pools of black ink. As I walked around the room with shards of glass crunching under my feet, I went to the window and stared at my reflection. Seeing my eyes I wondered if my whole insides were black like them, as if I was rotting from the inside.

When the morning came and the sun rose I felt the minor warmth of the sharp rays. I extended my arms towards the light expecting the usual shine but my skin remained pale and dull, there wasn't even a slight glow to be perceived, and it wasn't just because of the layer of dirt covering me. Maybe I _was_ turning human after all.

The thought gave me a faint thrill. I had grown weak like a human, slow like a human, opaque like a human, I had even gotten obsessed over another member of the opposite sex (or at least her scent) like a human. If this was the case and the curse was making me regress, there were some good perks to losing immortality. For one I would be able to die…and sleep. Hmm, sleep sounded good.

I would also be weak, powerless, idiotic and pretty much a pointless lump of meat.

In my current conditions I thought it an improvement.

To pass the time I attempted exercises to move my gradually stiffening joints. At first I tried to walk around, I fell. So then I tried push-ups, I couldn't push up from the ground. Then I tried crunches and fell to the side.

In the shadowy confinement of the room I could hear Michael's ghost chortle as he had when I had been a child, _"You are so graceful Gabriel!"_

Laying on the floor from my fall I grimaced at the ceiling and wished Michael was here already. All these powerful emotions and memories that he brought out of me just made me sentimental. When he arrived I promised myself I would embrace…his neck with my hands. I would show him graceful…

Though I had been moving around like a drunken toddler so far, when a familiar rumbled came to my ears I sat up in a flash. It was the girl's vehicle, that horrendously loud engine, a few miles away. With strength I had had no idea I possessed a few minutes ago I stood up and went to the front window in a couple of long strides.

She was close by, which meant that the scent, the blood…

I inhaled deeply. Yes…it was there, coming closer by the second. She would pass by and I would be able to smell, at least one more time. The coat was full of the scent but it wasn't enough. The first time I had smelled the scent it had come from the origin: the girl. The scent was like food, it was only at its prime when it was warm and fresh. The coat gave me a little taste but compared to the real thing it was bland.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the smell as it approached the strip of road beyond the clearing. Closer…closer, warmer…delicious…

Close…too close…

My eyes snapped open and I took a reluctant step back. I had been too concentrated on my nose, I had ignored my ears. Just like the smell, the truck was also coming too close for comfort.

She wasn't going to pass by in the main road as I had thought, she was coming—here.

I cringed away from the window fearing she would see me as she rounded the bend but I couldn't think clearly, I felt disoriented and flustered. The smell was too intoxicating. I could feel my senses catch on fire at her growing proximity, my brain, insides, everything, they were melting.

It was a perfume that ensnared and destabilized, how was it possible that something as trivial as a human girl could possess this form of perfection?

The piercing shriek of the ancient breaks made me wince and come to my senses.

She had returned, why had she returned? She had seen me, the _real _me last night. The part that was a killing monster that thirsted for her blood, I know she had realized it. That is why she had rushed off terrified…yet she was back.

Was she mentally retarded?

The slamming of her truck door told me that yes; the girl was in fact quite retarded.

With the new strength I possessed I rushed to my corner and waited. When I heard the front door open I held my breath. I wouldn't be able to think or speak coherently if I kept sniffing that distracting odor. In a split second I realized I was clutching her coat to my chest like a security blanket. I tossed it to the side just as she came into view.

In the corner of my eye I made a quick breakdown. She was a short slender girl. There was even a fragile look to her, as if I blew hard enough she would fly off like an autumn leave. Her long hair was brushed back so that her face was open and clear, very much like her wide brown eyes. There was fear and curiosity in them as they finally settled on me. Also something else I couldn't identify.

When she began to come closer I wondered what it was that made this girl so damn stupid. I turned to her and saw her gasp in shock. She came to a standstill as I glared at her but she didn't back up, only bit her lip in unease.

"Hey, I was here last night. I dropped my coat," she said in her soft voice that broke occasionally out of nerves. Her gaze and head turned slightly to look at the coat by my side. As she did I got a clear view at the nape of her neck. It was pure white, with faint blue veins from where the blood flowed like a river. I was sure that the smallest incision from my teeth would do it. The skin looked so smooth and fragile, like everything else about her.

It wasn't fair. I felt like a child with a cavity in every tooth being handed the most delicious sweets. I _could_ eat them if I tried, I would just be facing excruciating pain on every single bite.

Maybe if I killed her, just twisted her neck an extra degree and not bothered to breathe her in anymore. I could go and dump her somewhere far away where her scent would never torture me again.

But no…I couldn't, a part of my brain screamed at me, "Sacrilege!"

I wasn't able to take her for myself but I felt that if I killed her without having her it would be a complete waste. Hundreds of vampires in third world countries were starving after all. I couldn't go around killing food for nothing...well, not when it smelled as she did anyway.

I grabbed her coat and tossed it at her before she came nearer. When I told her to leave she simply stared blankly at me. For some reason I couldn't fathom the tenseness on her frame began to relax slightly. Her eyes hardened as she looked at me, and when she said rather boldly, "No, I'm not leaving," I began to wonder if she had been inhaling toxic fumes or if maybe she was just crazy.

* * *

Animal blood

It had been the loophole that had never crossed my mind. To say I had felt like a moron at the simplicity of it all would have been an understatement. All this time, this long time of desperation and a hunger that made death seem like a walk in the park, there had been an easy, disgustingly obvious solution. The curse had been meant to keep me from what I wanted, not from what I had needed.

I had _wanted_ human blood, but all I had ever needed had been blood. It didn't matter where it came from.

The girl had known about vampires, what we wanted and needed…and yet she had not been afraid.

As night fell and darkness was total I realized I missed the moon. I took it for granted when it would arrive and give its faint glow. On the bright side the darkness heightened my senses. I closed my eyes and rested my head back savoring the fact that I 

hadn't felt this good in the past year. The pig blood the girl had brought me had for the past hour been making my body tingle all over as if waking up every nook and cranny of my being. The hunger had been stifled and the pain smothered, if only for a short amount of time.

I stood up and went to the window. My legs were still bandy and slow but they managed to hold me up just right. There was no wind or rain to create sound so all I could hear was my feet crunching the shards of glass. In the dark I could still see the faint gleam of the broken hole I had created on the window. Michael's voice didn't come to me that moment, but the girl's did.

"_You could've just opened the door you know…it wasn't locked or anything."_

"Well aren't you the modern day genius," I muttered darkly under my breath while tracing a sharp edge.

It had been so humiliating. Never in my life had anybody made me feel as stupid as she had today; just a short insignificant girl who had happened to stroll in and show off just how much more she knew with her attitude of, _"Look at me, look at me."_

The thought of having to say thank you to a human made me shudder. It had been centuries since my heart's last beat. I had lost all memories of what it felt like to be human, psychologically anyhow. The ways they behaved or how they would let their emotions dictate their very life was lost on me.

The amount of knowledge she possessed on the undead had probably come from Carlisle, she knew him. Carlisle was obviously very good at interacting with humans since he had probably had had this girl wrapped all around his little finger, or maybe it had been the other way around. With Carlisle you never knew since he liked getting friendly with his food.

I was not going to fall into that idiocy just because the girl had happened to smell nice and she had fed me…like a dog. No, the next time she came near that would be it. I would twist her pale little neck and just forget about it. There were more important things I should have been concentrating on, like the killers that would eventually come and get me.

* * *

A day later the front door banged open and the girl rushed in, her eyes bright and cheeks warm-red from the outside cold. On the corner of my eye I could see that there was another brown bag on her arms and a wide smile on her face. She had said she would provide me with more blood but I hadn't believed—until now. This time I had been prepared for her sudden appearance by stopping my breathing as soon as I had heard the slightest sound of her vehicle miles away.

What I hadn't been ready for had been her behavior. There was no more fear or hesitation when it came to approaching me. She simply strolled forward and leaned down to put down two new containers in front of me. Her rapid motion had made a long loose strand of hair gently grace the side of my face. It took everything out of me to keep from flinching. The surprise of the sudden touch had made the softness feel like the lash of a whip. Unaware of her affect on me the girl walked back and sat on the abandoned coat.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!" she said brightly when she saw I wouldn't move.

Shine…sleeping…was she mocking me?

"The blood is still the old kind but I promise to go first thing Tuesday morning and get some fresh," she continued airily, "There's a boy there who will keep selling it to me, no questions asked."

She kept on talking about the pigs but I concentrated on the blood. The foul odor of oxidized pennies and rotting cabbages made my nose burn. It was the epitome of disgusting. The blood she had brought me before had been somewhat more bearable. I eyed the containers dubiously then glanced at the girl. I didn't know if I would be able to keep my gag reflex under control this time. For a moment I envisioned drinking it then hurling it all over the girl, ha dark, revolting humor. She wouldn't want to come much after that. I played with the idea for a moment but then thought against it, Priam elders didn't get sick. There was no way I would let the human see me at my worst…well, even worse than I was now. I would drink it later when she left…because she _had _to leave, right?

"Oh, I brought you something!" the girl exclaimed excitedly reaching for the brown bag again. I tilted my head a centimeter and watched her warily. Why didn't she go away? Already I had begun to realize that she talked—_a lot_. I had a feeling that if I somehow encouraged her by replying as I had before she would never shut up. The thought gave me goose bumps.

"They should fit you," she said and held up for me to see a pair of red shorts, only they were smaller…not shorts—

"Boxers," she said grinning, "Underwear, just as I promised! I also brought a bar of soap and a hose from home, it's in the truck. I can just connect it in the garden and hose you down."

Like a dog

I dearly hoped my mouth wasn't hanging open; a fly could have gotten in.

The girl stopped at my expression and frowned but she misinterpreted my horrified silence for modesty, "If you are shy about stripping down I can just close my eyes that is no problem."

_Shy about stripping down…_

What? What in the name of all that had ever been holy in this universe had I done to deserve this? And what was worse was that she didn't stop there, no she had to continue…

"Or is it the underwear?" she asked hesitantly looking down at the horrendous article of clothing on her lap. "I know red is not…nice but it was all I could find of Charlie's that could fit you."

To add to the insult they were_ used._

My eyes rolled to the ceiling and I envisioned myself dying, my soul floating from my body. Up, up and away…from her.

"So…I take it you don't want to shower today?" she asked me after a moment of silence. My wish of wanting to strangle her with my bare hands must have showed in my eyes because she sat straighter and looked away as she removed the red boxers from my sight.

A moment of glorious silence followed in which she sat fidgeting occasionally and drumming her fingers on her knees as she looked around. But it seemed that having 

her mouth shut was too much of a challenge because she started talking again, "You are not a big talker huh? Yeah, me either."

_Liar_, I thought darkly.

"Well, not usually," she put in as if reading my mind, "I haven't been much of a talker lately."

_Uh, I don't care._

She continued to talk and I continued to not listen. I had made a decision before; a decision to snap the life out of her. What had happened to my resolution? I guess I had thrown it out the window the minute she had promised to bring me more blood. I had to admit that already the pig's blood was working its way through me. It wasn't a great improvement, only a slow one but with enough blood then maybe…maybe I wouldn't have to give in. The idea of letting those Elders win had been eating into my ego like corrosive acid, not unlike a certain pair of red boxers.

I needed her…in a way like humans needed oxygen. It was true that I had complained about her sudden appearances but she had been willing to help me for no good reason. No reason at all…

I remembered the way her eyes had looked the second time she had come and I realized that she did have a reason and it made my dislike of her grow just a little bit more.

She felt sorry for me. There had been fear and curiosity but also blatantly naked pity in those brown eyes of hers.

"Just go away," I finally snarled at her. She jumped in alarm but a moment later her eyes narrowed at me. "You're pretty rude for a dirty homeless vampire."

I turned away from her, angry at myself for having spoken to her at all.

"Aren't you going to drink your blood?" She continued frowning, "Does all that dirt curve your appetite?"

'_You need the blood, you need the blood, you need the blood,' _I chanted to myself as one would count to ten to calm rage. '_She is not _that_ annoying, there is no need to kill her—just yet. You need the blood, you need the blood…'_

**I am exhausted. It is almost one and I have to get up at six tomorrow...but it is all worth it. I luv you long time people. I will try my best to update in at least two weeks, okay? Okay. Now I will go ahead and crash if you guys don't mind. Nighty-Night.**


	3. Masochism

**Once more I find myself pulling an all nighter...dumb, I know. College is sucking my soul but I finally decided to take a stand and write this. I know I said I would update in two weeks but truthfuly, I don't know how much time has passed. More than two weeks? Less? I don't know if I kept my word or not. If I didn't I am really sorry to those who still read this thing. **

Masochism

They were coming.

It wasn't a fact I could readily prove but my instincts had never failed me. Right now I could feel the electric feeling of dread course through me. Just what could I do? Run? I was so tired of doing just that; tired of being the idiot, the underdog. I was their equal damn it. Better in so many ways…except maybe modesty, that had never been my strong point.

This animal instinct I had always relied in made me take a final course of action. Make a final decision to make a fast move, if not rash.

I was not strong enough, not yet.

I guess I had been acting like a child for the most part, even from the very beginning. I had refused to forgive Michael even though it hurt me to deny him. Maybe I am just a masochist by nature… I just had to prove to myself that I was better than him.

It was all the ego; the ego was always what proved to be my undoing. It made me foolish, made me cross my boundaries.

_I am still strong—stronger than you, even when I am half dead…_

This was probably why I was stopping a metal truck from colliding with a tree with the diminutive amount of strength I had left.

I just had to do it right? I had to be an idiot and stop the stupid truck. I could have let it go on its course—no, I _should_ have. A second after the horrid screeching noise of the tires had stopped, my stomach constricted in regret. I had finally managed to be on my way and this had to happen. I could see the girl's faded face beyond the wet windshield. She had seen me already; there was no way to deny it.

_Idiot, you are an idiot, run already!_

But my body refused to obey my head. The measly amount of power I had collected in the past days had gone in the split second of exertion. With a sour taste in my mouth I watched as the girl came out of the truck as if on a daze.

"You saved my life…" she muttered in amazement, her usually bright eyes twinkling in an odd fashion as she stared at me.

_Melodramatic, much?_ I wanted to snap but thought better of it. The gleam in her eyes was disconcerting. She took a step towards me and without thinking it I took a step back. Her scent was overwhelming, it engulfed me. She was too close and the cold rain emphasized the warmth radiating out of her.

"Get into the truck, it won't do any good if you stay out in this weather," she said going around me to open the door. The twirling motion she stirred on the air with her movements made my vision go groggy from its mixture of scent and warmth. Yet in the back of my jumbled mind I was still indignant, was she _ordering_ me around?

Out of nowhere I felt her warm hand grab my wrist gently. The weather for a human was horribly cold so I knew she wasn't outwardly warm but her touch still felt red hot as if from a searing poker. Without being able to help it I cringed away from her, unable to hide the fear I was feeling. Who was she, _what_ was she? She was no ordinary girl…was she?

She frowned at my reaction but instead of backing off like any reasonable ordinary person, she took a step closer as if she wanted to look at my face nearer. I held my breath and took another step back.

"You are pretty jumpy for being immortal," she stated blandly but there was a certain softness in her eyes; compassion.

Without realizing it, the small steps she had taken towards me had made me back onto the edge of the open truck door. With the little dignity I could muster I straightened to my full length and glared down at her. Unabashed she stared up at me with her large doe eyes that hadn't lost the scary gleam to them. I then realize that the gleam was that of a girl not to be denied. She would get what she wanted by whatever means, even if it meant pushing me into the truck herself. The extra step she took towards me so that we were less than a foot apart made it clear. I didn't want to feel the warmth her fragile human body radiated with, it would tempt me to take a breath…then tempt me to aim for the nape…

_Don't kill her, not yet_, the reasonable side of my brain urged, _you still need her…_

The only logical, yet stupid, thing to do in order to end the closeness she had created was to get in the truck; which was what I did.

"Don't forget to put on your seatbelt," she said brightly, slamming the door shut for me.

Yeah, sure—whatever.

"Do you like any particular kind of music?" she asked as she started the ancient engine and began to drive carefully. The rain had gotten worse so the wipers didn't seem to be providing visual aid. She reached for the radio button but there didn't seem to be any signal because only static could be heard. "Oh well, we can just talk then."

My stomach tightened at the grim aspect.

"My name is Isabella Swan; I guess I never told you before. Don't call me Isabella though, nobody ever does except for—" for a moment she blinked, distracted from the road and shot me a flustered look, "Bella is fine, call me Bella"

_Beautiful…_

The word almost escaped my lips but I bit my tongue. Beautiful that was what her name meant. For some reason I figured it did fit. The scent…

"Here we are," she declared as she turned into a gravel driveway. A plain two story house was barely in view beyond the sheet of rain. The windows were dark and I couldn't hear any sound except maybe for a dripping faucet somewhere.

"Charlie is probably still at work, he's my father," she said while getting out of the truck.

Stubbornly I remained where I was. I had not fastened my seatbelt and I was not about to follow that girl into wherever she felt like leading me to. She was dangerous; I couldn't exactly pinpoint in what way she posed the danger, but it was there. And I _was_ afraid…maybe it was just her crazy girl eyes.

She fixated me with them while standing in the pouring rain. Her long hair was matted on her head and fell in long drips almost to her waist. The translucent paleness of her skin seemed to glow oddly in the grayness of the day.

"Are you going to stay there all day?" she asked but didn't wait for an answer. Instead she slammed her door and walked around to open mine. I fought the urge to cringe when she opened the door and stood like a statue with her scary eyes. I could tell she was not beyond grabbing and pulling me along. "You can't just stay in my truck forever."

I couldn't figure her out. Why couldn't she act like a normal girl? Just run in fear the other direction?

"I am going to catch pneumonia because of you," she informed me petulantly.

_And then you'll die_, I thought brightly, _Oh joy…_

"I am going to count to three dirty vampire man, and if you are not out by then I will drag you out…" she let the threat linger but I could tell she was not joking.

Dirty vampire man…

That one almost brought a smile to my face; the girl could be so creative.

Slowly I got out as she wanted and moved aside so that she could close the door. She looked up at me and smiled brightly, "Now, was that so hard?"

She had no idea.

* * *

"The towels are right there and I will leave some clothes just outside the door for you," she was saying while I stared around at the overly white bathroom. I still hadn't figured out just how she had managed to get me into the house, let alone the bathroom. While she babbled on about how the hot water worked, I caught the first real sight of me in the last year on the mirror of the opposite wall. A weak, starved looking man with dead eyes stared blankly at me. My eyes were pitch-black but the iris looked normal now.

Pathetic

That was how I looked, that was all that I had become.

No wonder a stupid human girl could boss me around. The very thought was depressing. The girl kept on talking for a while as I stood there wallowing in self-pity.

"Alright then, take your time and don't be afraid of using the entire bar of soap," with that she gave me a bright smile and walked out.

Maybe she was just mentally handicapped, that would explain a lot. But her comments on how dirty I was finally made sense. Looking at the mirror I could see I was dripping from head to foot with a thin layer of mud. I had not acknowledged it before but it was true, I was a dirty vampire man.

Once she left I was able to think clearer. For my sake, rather than just doing what she wanted, I did take the shower. The water, no matter how scalding, felt only slightly warm. How was it that her touch felt blistering? Maybe it was all in my head. I was probably making it all to be more than what it was. This girl did strange things to me. She confused me, irritated me, surprised me, enthralled me…all these odd emotions humans were so prone to.

_What am I doing?_

Once done I reached out to the hallway and pulled in the promised clothes. As I changed I reasoned that this little complication, aka the girl, should be done with. The girl had served me enough as it was. I could walk and run moderately well. Soon I would be able to get pigs' blood on my own, I did not need her…right?

With the idea in mind I went down the staircase and followed the stench of burnt meat. Her back was turned to me but she was staring out the window. I was surprised she hadn't seen my reflection staring at her through the window but she appeared to be on a sort of trance. A slight plume of smoke circulated up as whatever was on the pan sizzled 

ominously. She didn't seem to notice though; she only poked at it idly with a spatula without looking at it. I could see her reflection as she gazed off.

She had changed from her soaked clothes to baggy clothes that made her seem smaller, childlike in them.

I was a vampire, she knew that right? I sucked the blood of innocents of her kind and I happened to be all alone with her. Why wasn't she even remotely on guard? Why was she treating me as if I was normal, as if I wasn't a monster to her?

Minutes passed in which the burnt smell increased and I stood, watching her. Even beyond the disgusting smell that made my eyes water, there was still her aroma. I closed my eyes and tried to stop breathing so that my head would clear. What would be my next step? Probably recuperate the strength I had stupidly lost. And after that?

_Run_

I blinked and shook my head, no, not run. Just move, relocate somewhere else…

A click brought me to my senses just as the girl gave a small oath under her breath as she stared at the ruined food in the pan. Giving an exasperated sigh she threw the spatula down. When she turned to me for a moment all I could see was her wide eyes filled with the fear I had expected all along—and a piece of burnt meat fly at me.

"You scared me," she snapped, "Don't do that!"

I gave her a questioning glance to which she replied, "Stand behind me like a statue, don't do that. Next time tap me on the shoulder or something."

She let the silence linger, probably hoping I would reply, "I _know_ you can speak, why won't you do it anymore?"

_Because you speak enough for the both of us…_

My contempt must have shown plainly on my face because her pale face flushed and her eyes glittered in the crazy fashion I had seen before. For some reason, I had already begun to associate that look with horrible things to come. Usually because the look meant she was about to boss me around.

"Go to my room and stay there, Charlie might get here any second," she commanded walking over and taking the ruined piece of meat from my hand. The tip of her finger graced the back of my palm and I felt the odd jolt of heat. I masked the jump she made me make with a sharp turn away from her.

I was furious at myself. What an obedient boy she must have thought me...

Once on the second floor I wasn't as sure as to where to go but a small whiff oriented me in a second. I gingerly entered the enemy's territory and was taken aback by what I saw. It was a regular, human room. I wasn't sure what I had expected but there wasn't anything odd. The bed was undone and disheveled, a writing desk was messy with stray papers everywhere and there was a bookcase overflowing with books. Other than that—nothing. It was ordinary; the only thing that made it special or abnormal was its inhabitant.

Special and abnormal: two words that described her perfectly.

* * *

"If you like physics so much, would you mind doing my homework?"

I looked up from the textbook I was reading and saw the girl staring at me upside down as she laid on her bed. In the past days I had been here it had amazed me how relaxed she could be in my presence. It was rather annoying, wasn't I intimidating at all? No?

Slamming the book shut I tossed it at her. It landed heavily on the floor beside her. She frowned and sighed rolling to sit up straight, "I guess that is a no, I hate physics."

Minutes later she was entranced on the book and I had nothing to do with myself. I had spent nearly a month sitting like a statue in Carlisle's cold home, but now in this stuffy room, I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable in my stillness. I had to do something, fidget, anything. It was either that or staring at her.

I didn't like physics. Their concept had always seemed unimportant to me but the textbook had become quite important. It kept my eyes busy and away from her.

She was interesting to look at, so sue me.

It enthralled me the way she would sit there, moving her lips silently as she read to herself or how she would brush the one strand of long hair that would somehow always find its way to her face whenever she would lean down to study. I supposed that the main enigma was how she managed to look so human and normal when in reality she was an evil, short demon probably created just to torture me.

I was the victim here.

As long as I was to remain weak and powerless to nourish myself, she would always have the upper hand.

In her creepy fashion, as if reading my mind, she looked up and asked, "Are you thirsty? Do you want me to bring you some blood?"

Before I could be given the opportunity to pointedly ignore her, a noise from the hall distracted us both.

"Bella, what was that loud noise right now?" the man Charlie's voice sounded, coming closer.

Flustered she tossed the book aside and stood up from the bed. It was comical how she turned to look left and right, her eyes wide with anxiety. When she saw I wasn't moving she hissed hurriedly, "You have to hide, _now_."

Her gaze turned to the window and she rushed over to open it wide. She did a frantic motion at me. The heavy steps were getting closer; he would get here in less than five seconds.

"Go!" she whispered furiously, grabbing my arm and pushing me. Rather than to have her keep touching me, I did as she wanted and easily jumped out of the window. I made the mistake of not fully falling to the ground. Instead I had thought it easy to just hold on to the sill and hang there. One thing to keep in mind was that my body was still weak, the strength as well as sensibility had downgraded somewhat to those of a human. So while I hanged there idly, thinking how long I would be able to hold on without becoming tired…she slammed the window shut.

"Hey dad—the noise, what noise?" she gasped from above. The man began talking to her but I was too busy fathoming as to why my eyes were watering to pay any attention. I cursed the fact that her mouth never seemed to shut. She kept on babbling about being clumsy, dropping her books, all the while my fingers screamed in pain. 

Leave it to her to not only cause me constant humiliation; she had to make me cry from pain too.

Finally the man realized the commercials downstairs were probably over so he said a hurried goodnight and left. The girl didn't immediately open the window but when she did I felt like laughing in relief, my fingers were throbbing.

I lifted myself up to the open window, ready to jump back in head first. Only something met my head on the way.

"Oh my god!" she gasped mortified after she had slammed a metal flashlight to my forehead. She backed off hurriedly as I let myself in, pretending my right temple was not throbbing to the tempo of my fingers.

"It is so dark, I just wanted to see where you had gone," she explained in a muffled voice since her hands were covering her mouth.

Why didn't I kill her? Why?

Pain, humiliation, consternation; she was the whole packet.

The girl looked down at the deadly weapon she used as a flashlight and frowned. She shook it and tried to click it on and off, nothing happened. Distractedly she kept talking to me, "Maybe…it would be better if we found you a good hiding spot," she said while still inspecting the flashlight, "You don't fit under the bed, so the closet is the better option for next time."

Under the bed and the closet; yeah, I had been lowered to the status of a regular boogeyman. Strike to the ego—again.

A moment later I realized that if I stayed in the same room with her, I would probably end up tossing her out of the window. The pain in my fingers and eye were really encouraging me. Instead I decided to go into the closet, better in than out.

Once the door closed behind me I blinked at the difference; it was paradise. The darkness and stillness…

I moved garments and shoes to the side to sit in the distant corner. I allowed myself to breath in the scent she had left behind on all the clothes she had ever worn. My nostrils filled with it, making me feel as if floating on air. It was so soft and soothing. If I closed my eyes and rested my head back…it was almost like real sleep.

Almost

There was a banging sound and I was disappointed to discover that her voice still carried through the door.

"Hey, I hope you are happy," she called rapping on the door, "Your hard head broke my flashlight."

**I don't know if you guys have noticed but most of Gabe's point of view revolves around things that happened on All That I've Got that Bella never really elaborated on. Like her name. She never actually told it to him straight out...at least I don't think so. haha, oh well. Anyhow, I decided to do it this way because I don't see the point of repeating most things. That would just get boring, even for me. See ya soon, really!**


	4. Changes

**This was a long wait, wasn't it? I apologize, as always I am a horrible, horrible person. For the most part I feel as if this story is coming along rather slowly but I think that if I tried to speed it up I would end up forcing it. Does anybody have any suggestions? I am open to anything. **

Changes

It wasn't wrong, right? Taking a part of her scent and giving her a small amount of my own…it was sheer brilliance in the tactical sense. I would be able to run without having to look over my shoulder for at least a while. Lillian had taught me the Merge after she had decided to become the "maternal" figure after Michael had taken me over. She had taught me many other things, many of which I had suppressed. Lillian had really tried my cruelty tolerance—I may be a monster but Lillian said, "Get out of the way, here I come." The Merge had been one of the few things I had retained in my mind; mostly because it had enthralled me how we could still steal something else other than their lives. Scents were unique to every single person, like fingerprints. They could be sweet or musty, even rancid. In my long years of life I had somehow figured out that humans' scents usually correlated with their souls. Lillian must have never figured it out but a person's scent was the personality of their soul.  
I was stealing part of her soul and making it mine. For a second I closed my eyes and envisioned Lillian's crazed eyes encouraging me. I opened them feeling my fists tighten and my fingernails dig into my palms. Why was I questioning myself, my actions? Especially when I had not done it for centuries past?

_She is a human girl, nothing more…I am taking part of her soul…_

Deep in my mind something whispered, "_You would prefer her blood instead…"_

But what immortal wouldn't? She smelled delicious. Yet something obvious still disturbed me; if I was taking part of her soul, what was I giving her in return? Part of me…but what part if there wasn't anything left? The Merge had worked, so she had gotten something in return, I just wasn't sure of what.

I retreated from her sleeping figure feeling something odd in the pit of my stomach. Silently I closed the closet door and sat back in my black corner wishing she would not wake up. Would her bright eyes look dead like mine? Or would the other part of her soul shrivel with whatever of me I had given?

_Monster…_

* * *

I didn't know what was more exhilarating, the rush of being able to catch the elk on mid-run or actually running along with it. The strength on my legs, the power of my arms as I pulled it down; humans had never been this exciting. They never actually took part in the hunt. It was like a deadly game of tag—tag in which they dropped dead.

Fun

It had been a few hours after she had released me. In a way it had been a gift. At the moment when she had led me to the forest clearing I had thought of ending it there. I hadn't cared where she led me or for what purpose. The weakness she created in me had gone too far. I had fallen as far as I would go.

It was killing me how many times I had made this resolution and broken it. I was such a softy.

When she finally turned and pointed the way out I felt disoriented. For a moment I felt myself pause and wonder _Why?_ _Why are you doing this? Why do you care? Who are you?_

Once I turned toward the dark forest the feeling of hesitation increased. It was far too dark, engulfing almost. It was true I had been residing in the girl's dark closet for a long while, but that darkness had turned into a sort of haven. Especially since her scent covered me like a blanket. If I walked into the towering shadows of the trees, there would be no comfortable darkness, only the unknown. I was fed up with the unknown.

Michael's voice had rang out of the thick foliage, _"Humans are just vessels of life; they serve no other purpose than to keep us above them."_

In theory this would mean that the girl would have been my vessel, the one to keep me above with her life. Her blood would have been what I should have been having…her life what should have sustained me. I thought that over for a second while staring at the darkness.

But I took a step forward into the darkness, then another, and another…

I didn't stop or turn around. She remained there, alive with her sad eyes and pale face.

_I hope you have a good life…_

After several couple of feisty elk I realized my jumps were a little bit higher, my senses sharper, almost the same as before. Lightly I brushed my fingers over my closed eye-lids. Were my eyes the same as before, the same color everybody had called breath-taking? _The eyes are the windows to the soul…_ who had said that? Some idiot philosopher at some point probably. I didn't care, it sounded like a bunch of crap. My body's strength was almost the same as before. A whole year had passed before I had felt this good. No wonder Carlisle had survived as he had so far. Animal blood was bland but it definitely did the trick.

Once the animal's inky black eyes became opaque I let it drop to the floor with a thud. Dead pine needles jumped up with their sharp scent. For the first time I noticed other smells around me. It smelled too potent, the smell of ferns and pine trees. After a moment of standing, feeling the blood course through me, I couldn't help but wonder, _Now what?_

That was definitely the question. The silence was pressing loudly on my eardrums as I stopped in the middle of a clearing and stared around. No sounds, no life, all smart life forms had probably run for it while I had been busy feeding. There was nobody and nothing around me alive save for the trees…it had always been this way. Once Michael had given me immortality I had suddenly become surrounded with death and decay. Nothing with a beating heart ever lasted around me, mostly because it was killed before me or I did the killing. It was a viscous cycle of loss.

It had never bothered me before but as I stood alone in that clearing with nothing but towering trees. I stared down at the fallen elk, its thick neck at an odd angle, the eyes staring at nothing. It no longer made noise, no breathe coursing through its lungs or heart pumping blood. Emerand and the others had always thought themselves gods, gods that could give and take life. It had never really made sense for them to think they "gave" life; it was always take, take, take…

A small breeze entered the clearings, making the leaves above finally rattle with life but the air had stirred my new and improved scent just enough to remind me of what I had done. I had stolen something that had never been rightfully mine.

Take, take, take that is all I ever did too. I was no better than them.

It was still, there in the middle of the clearing with my victim on my feet. I had been alive for centuries, spent decades by myself, I had even forgone this whole experience of the solitude while starving, but it was now at the very moment, standing there in the clearing with nothing and nobody that I really felt it. It was this thick feeling that encompassed every part of me, like thick molasses. It made me feel as if I was sinking into myself. Loneliness, was that what it was?

I had never bothered about it; I had always _wanted_ to be alone. So what made it so different now?

_They are coming, run…_

The smart part of my head was pretty annoying but right for the most part. I had to escape while I could, especially now that the girl would be my stand in. The timing was perfect. With my senses newly honed I could tell the bounty trackers were still far off. If I kept myself nourished like this I would be probably be able to fight them off even if they did happen to catch on—which they wouldn't.

Yes, I am that good.

Slowly, human paced, I made my way out of the clearing into the dense foliage. Unconsciously I turned to look over my shoulder to the abandoned elk. Its eyes were still blank and lifeless staring

The feeling of being enveloped outside in suddenly increased. Could this really be what loneliness felt like? It had been so long ago, I couldn't really remember. I couldn't remember exactly what it felt like to be human. The tall trees seemed to bend down and try to bury me. There was no more light or air, just death and decay with vacant eyes.

_Just run…._

So I did

* * *

One more night, that is all I needed. No more than that, just one more night.

_Just one last night_, I promised myself resolutely. That is all I had wanted once I had emerged from the forest. It had been a desire too strong to ignore. Not escaping or running off, just coming back to the normal room with its soft light and warm smell.

I couldn't understand why I had let myself come back. It made no practical sense. The girl was my scapegoat so it was not like I could say I had come back to kill her off, I needed her alive. There was also no use for her since I no longer needed her aid to get fed or be sheltered. Maybe it had been that new alien feeling or odd sense of falling asleep that drew me. It was the rest that I needed.

Most of the night had passed by the time the plain two story house came to view. I had walked normally, somehow not feeling like running at top speed. I was afraid that my new acquired strength would dwindle if I did. Arriving under the girl's window I wondered how I would get in again. She would definitely ask questions. Maybe there was duct tape somewhere in the house. I was strong enough to shut her up now. I bent my knees only minimally and jumped up on the window sill but I still jumped high enough to land on the roof. I gave a small curse and balanced myself down from the gutters to the sill. I balanced myself on the narrow sill and looked inside. I could see the girl sleeping on the bed turning slightly as if on a bad dream. The frost that had formed from the cold on the window panes kept me from seeing clearly but the whiteness of her skin made her face glow like a ghost's. There was a frown playing on her fragile brow. Slowly, almost delicately I tried to pry the window open with no strength. I wasn't sure how much strength normal actions like opening a window would take.

I tried to push it up an inch but the old metal and wood screeched slightly. I froze feeling annoyed. My whole goal for tonight was to go into her closet unnoticed and leave unnoticed for the most part. That was not going to work if I was to make stupid noises like a commonplace burglar. For a second time I tried to diminish my strength and open the window, seriously, how hard could it be?

Another inch, another screech, damn….

"Edward?"

I froze in place as I turned to see if she had woken, but no, she was only turning in her sleep.

"Edward, please stay with me…don't leave, _please_…"

My mouth fell open, she wanted me to—?

_Your name is not Edward idiot,_ my head reminded me.

Annoyance increasing, a second later I forgot I was on a four inch edge and lost my balance. Undisturbed I landed on the ground gently and stared up at the black window. I was confused; that was not her. That was not the girl who called herself Bella. Not the one I knew anyways. The girl sleeping on the bed had sounded so pitiful and sad. It was nothing like the girl I had known for the past weeks. For some reason it did not seem rational for someone like her to be pleading. 'Someone like her', what did that mean?

Someone so evil and conniving, someone who smiled or scowled at me for the smallest thing…

Again I jumped up and stabled myself on the edge. I was going to open the damn window even if I would have to do it centimeter by centimeter. I was not on the sill for more than a minute before she began to speak in her sleep again.

"Just stay, Edward…"

Once more that pleading tone came to her voice, pathetic. Who was she pleading to anyway? The only rational reason I would have thought for anybody to plead in their lives would be when they are about to die…so I suppose that would be pleading for their life. If I had had a penny for every person that had pleaded to me I would have had a wide collection of piggy banks.

"Stop Ed—"

"Okay, shut up already," I muttered pushing open the window quickly with a bang. The loud sound resounded in the silent night. Several sleeping birds stirred and a raccoon on the side of the house went scampering to the protection of the forest. The girl had sat up gasping; her wide eyes were filled with shock as I let myself in. I felt irritated at her, or was it myself? She had allowed me to see a vulnerable part of her that I would have been better off not seeing. I preferred the simple exposed flesh of her nape, thank you very much.

"I couldn't measure my strength," I said after she looked like she would not close her mouth from the shock I had given her. Even though there were traces of grogginess still on her face, her eyes lighted up with something. Was it laughter, relief, joy? Or maybe all the animal blood I had drunk had made me delusional and I was seeing things…or maybe the girl was just plain stupid—er whenever she woke up.

"Bella, are you alright?"

I could feel the light vibrations of the coming heavy footsteps. For a moment I wondered what the father would do seeing a bona fide vampire in his daughter's room, in his house… It was a tempting thing to try and find out but suddenly her eyes widened with panic and I knew she would have nothing of it. Way to ruin my fun girl. I kept reminding myself that it would be one last night and this would be the end of it. The last time I would obediently walk into her closet. She was the kryptonite to my ego.

Once I closed the door behind me I leaned on the back wall and allowed myself to slide down. Though her voice and her father's were droning right outside I was able to ignore them. This was rest, comfort, relief…I needed this, I wanted it more than I wanted blood. What was a day or two? I was growing proficient in the art of ignoring the girl. It would not be completely intolerable to remain until the very last minute. If the bounty trackers were to arrive I would be fast and strong enough to leave before they even blinked. The girl would still remain as a scapegoat which would cause a diversion long enough for me to get away. A close tail was worth this…or at least that was what I was thinking before the door randomly swung open.

There was no escaping this so I took a deep breath and got out even though it was the last thing I wanted. Didn't this girl know other people liked to sleep, and okay, yes I wasn't able to sleep per se but it was close enough. It wasn't like I went about waking her whenever I felt like it. This time had been different, of course. Because…because I hated the fact that she talked in her sleep. If we were to be sharing the same room she had to be respectful enough not to annoy me with her pitiful night calls. Besides, the name Edward was stupid, who named their son _Edward_? It was an idiotic name, if you asked me.

"You aren't thirsty anymore," she said.

May I point out that this girl had a prodigious gift for stating the obvious? Her intuition along with creativeness apparently knew no bounds; it never ceased to amaze me.

"Did you get some irritable grizzlies, I heard they're the best."

It was in times like these when I wanted to seriously know from what planet she was from. What normal human actually talked about a vampire's dinner so casually even if it _did_ happen to be irritable or not? Maybe it was a game she liked to play to look tough. Yes…maybe in the inside she was trembling in terror at my very presence. A quick look at her sitting cross-legged on her bed, looking up at me brightly told me that no, she was in fact not in the least bit afraid. Damn, who did she think I was, anyways? A cuddly stuffed bear? She had to give me a little bit of credit here, I was the bloodsucking undead after all.

"No, but I did get several elk," I said slyly.

"That's good," she said grinning at me encouragingly. If I had been five years old she would have been petting me on the head and telling me what a great little brave boy I was.

"You came back."

Stating the obvious once more, maybe she talked because she liked hearing the sound of her voice. That would definitely explain why she opened her mouth ninety-five percent of the time.

"I came back," I answered thinking that two could play at this game. After a second I realized that the reason she kept staring at me was because she wanted an explanation for my return. Somehow I figured that the explanation, _'Oh, I just wanted to stay in your nice-smelling closet for a while even though I am a big strong vampire elder who can do whatever he could possibly want. I just happen to chose to stay in your closet because it is comfy,'_ would not work for her—or me for that matter. For one thing it made me sound like a creepy man with a fetish and for another it would lead her to realize that I actually liked being here. It was something I had gradually begun to realize myself, I did not need her to know it too, and it was embarrassing. In the passing of countless years I had lived in the finest of mansions, hotels, villas, castles, you name it, I had once owned it. I had never liked any of them though. Yet the closet was not mine, it was hers and I wanted to be in it. I was not about to go out and admit it to her, I would have rather died…if I still could have, that is.

"Next time just tap or something, the bird diving into it won't work on Charlie twice."

I hoped my face was impassive as I responded. The bird comment had confused me. Bird? What bird was she talking about? And also, "next time", there was to be a next time, huh?

Yes, I suppose there was.

As she turned away from me I noticed that despite the small smile on her lips and bright look to her eyes, there was still some weariness to her face. Her profile showed me the creased lines on her brow. From frowning? Crying? There were small purple shadows under her eyes from lack of sleep that contrasted harshly with the complete whiteness of her face.

Edward was the name of the man who made her cry and talk in her sleep. Maybe I would kill him off for her. Then she would have no reason to talk as she had last night and I would not be bothered by her in the middle of the night again. She would have nobody to call out to anymore.

_My name is not Edward._

"If you must call me something, my name is Gabriel."

I bit the tip of my tongue sharply but the words were out and I could not take them back.

* * *

One or two days morphed into almost a month. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It was as if I had no common sense. My scent was fully integrating into the surroundings. Long gone were the days when I could have left and any trace of me would have faded in a couple of days. As it was, the Merge was working better than I had expected it to. My scent had not managed to warp hers. I could still smell hers clearly; mine just lingered and mixed only to compliment. At first I had thought it odd but then I rationalized that it was probably just another one of her freak qualities to get something of me and turn it into something remotely good. I, for one, was impressed. She had also taken into her head to call me Gabe. _Gabe_, ugh, it wasn't even a proper name. It sounded almost like babe…I was _not_ a babe. It had been a colossal mistake to give her my name because now she could do with it what she wished. Like rip it apart and shred it to pieces just to mortify me. A while after that I began to wish she had continued calling me Fabio.

Edward and Fabio, dopey names for dopey morons; Gabe was alright.

Three weeks almost into my willing confinement there was a loud thud from the other side of the closed door. Holding my breath I opened the door silently and peered out. There was a chair toppled over in the middle of the room and the girl was laying awkwardly on her bed with a burnt looking light bulb held up high in one of her hands. There was this look of triumph over her face. I had never seen anyone look so accomplished for changing a light bulb. By the look of her position on the bed and the fallen chair I figured she was probably glad she had managed to survive. One could not live with Bella Swan for more than a day and not realize she was a class A klutz. I was chortling softly when the father Charlie came rushing from downstairs, I got a glimpse of his worried face before I closed the door noiselessly.

"Oh Bella, what have I told you of standing on objects other than the floor, you always end up falling," he was saying sounding half exasperated half amused.

"My bulb burned out, I had to change it," she said in her usual bubbly tone, "Look dad I managed not to break it!"

So that was what she was so glad over, that she had managed to save the light bulb.

"What is that sound?"

"What sound?"

"It sounds like somebody laughing."

"Nobody is laughing," the girl said as I stuffed my knuckles in my mouth. That was right, nobody was laughing. Priam elders didn't laugh—they cackled.

"Bella are you keeping strange boys in your closet?" her father asked jokingly. Even beyond the wooden door I could hear the girl's heart give a small jump.

"No, of course not," was her breathless response. I rolled my eyes; she really did not know how to lie, did she?

The father Charlie gave a snort of laughter and I heard him walk closer. There was a rap at the door, "Hey mister, come out of my daughter's closet."

"Dad!" Bella protested anxiously. I stared at the door willing for it to stay closed. If it didn't what would I do, kill him?

"Oh Bella, I am joking," the man laughed retreating from the door, "But if there _is_ a boy in your closet tell him he is welcome to stay to dinner."

With that he left, I could hear his rumbling laughter all the way to the living room below us. In one fluid movement I stood up and burst out of the closet. The girl was still on her bed looking at the closed room door with an open mouth. "So I take it your father is very liberal on having "boys" in your room," I said trying to distract her in case she felt like asking me if I had actually been laughing.

"No, he isn't," she said frowning, "but he would be glad if he found you in my closet."

He was or he wasn't which one of the two? I didn't get it. Had times changed so drastically in the year I had been holed up? Did fathers now give dinner to strange males hidden in their girl's rooms?

I opened my mouth but saw her face suddenly turn down to the blackened light bulb on her lap, as if she was about to cry. Okay, maybe I was better off not knowing.

"You won't want him to find me," I reminded her soberly.

Her face turned up in a flash, showing me that there were no tears but she still looked sad, "Would you kill him Gabe? Would you really kill my dad?"

My lips moved but at the last second I kept any actual words from coming out. Instead I gave her a sharp nod and retreated to the insides of my hideout. In the corner I crouched and balled myself up trying to decipher what exactly was happening to me. I had to get out of here, leave sooner rather than later. I was changing and I had not even noticed it. Usually I would say exactly what was on my mind; I had never had any problems with being blunt. This was why I had shut myself up. Instead of saying 'yes' I knew I had been about to say 'no' without thinking of it, because it was what I felt to be true; I was not going to kill the man. Not today or tomorrow, no more than I would kill her if I had the chance. When had this happened? When had I turned into such a kind hearted undead man? Or maybe I was just getting lazy, that was a much more plausible explanation. The nice retreat had made me into a couch potato.

_This is not acceptable_ I thought grimly staring at my hand as I flexed it in front of my face. These hands were meant to kill, they had no other purpose. What would I do with them, with myself? A small rap on the floor broke my train of thought.

"Hey Gabe," her soft voice carried timidly through. I wanted to be able to snap, tell her to not annoy and stop talking to me. But I couldn't, I didn't want to.

"What?"

"Were you laughing right now?"

I glowered at the door, _No, of course I wasn't laughing. You did not make laugh. I have no sense of humor. _

"Go away Bella," I sighed after a while. I heard her laugh softly but for the most part she did go away by going downstairs to prepare dinner.

This was the last day. There could be no more of _this_, whatever _this_ was. All I knew was that _this _was changing me and I did not like it.

* * *

**Please, please review. I feel like this story is slipping from me. I need some input, if you guys would be so kind. My first semester of college is almost up and for the most part I feel like I haven't accomplished much with this story. So yeah, tell me what's in all your minds.**


	5. Possession

**And here is another update for you, my lovelys. Now I know all of you saw Twilight already, right? It was hilarious, I don't recall ever laughing so much in one movie. Anyhow, it was good nonetheless. I apologize for the long update. I know I always apologize but school is friggin stressful. I sometimes tell people who email me I will update in a few days, and then I usually do. I guess I need the pressure of a deadline otherwise shit doesn't get done around here. I am the queen of procrastination.**

* * *

Possession

It had been a bad idea to have left the girl's house without taking a coat. Now wherever I went the weak humans would give me funny looks because I, unlike them, was not being bothered by the weather. I suppose it was a bit odd for a man to go with only a shirt when there was snow on the ground and below freezing temperature. I was sticking out like a sore thumb. It did not matter; all I needed was distance from the forsaken town of Forks. More like I needed distance from Bella. The last memory I had of her was her aiming a book bag at my head. To be fair I had had no idea she had been changing. Who knew a girl who stuck vampires in her closet had any sense of modesty? Once I had sensed the tracker not too far off I left the girl's house. I had decided to stop waiting for the threat to come for me. I was definitely not going to run. I was going to hunt them before they managed to hunt me first. They wanted to play with me; I did not see why I could not play with them too. As I walked down the semi-crowded streets with my head bowed down to prevent eye contact, I wondered when the bounty tracker would notice my presence.

I could tell he had been here for more than a week. Why hadn't he just made his move already? He was probably inexperienced or just stupid. I didn't care; all I wanted was for the games to begin. Elks were fun but a simple tussle with another immortal was ten times better. And I also needed this to see if I was still possibly the same Gabriel I used to be. There were too many changes that I was going through. My fighting skills were something I needed intact if I was going to survive the coming attractions.

Once noon came the temperature dropped further and snow began to fall, the crowded surroundings I had been wandering became slowly empty. Humans were scurrying like cockroaches to get to the warmth of their little homes. I had been using the masses as a cover but once it started thinning I knew my time of idling was up. Just as I had stood out to the humans with my thin shirt, I would stand out to the bounty tracker with my obvious scent. This was pronounced even stronger by the fact that it was mixed with Bella's. No immortal in their right mind would have passed off the delicacy that her scent promised. I smelled yummy, it was a first.

I walked past an alley, an empty street…where oh where should I have waited for my executioner? I chose a roof; you could never go wrong with a roof, the higher the better. And I would be able to see him coming, or sense him quicker at least. I had led him away from Forks after he had been close enough to enter the town's limits. I had no idea why I had bothered. I would have been able to fight him just as fine when he had The sun had been fully covered by snow clouds and a winter gust carried flurries of snowflakes to my face but I brushed them off impatiently. I sat on the ledge and waited, my impatience making my anger grow. If he did not hurry I would prolong his death a little longer, just so that he would experience the long period of time like me. That would teach him…

Where _was_ he? He had been a few steps behind me the entire time. At least I had thought that had been the case. As the growing snow blizzard began to swirl around me I stood my ground atop of the building and tried to sense the idiot tracker. Where could my little wannabe captor be? Minutes grew slowly but surely just as my impatience, and if I allowed myself to admit it, I felt a little uneasy as well. As soon as I had left Forks I knew the tracker had been behind me, up until now I had let him be close to my heels. And now…he wasn't, simple as that. Something was wrong, and it was staring me right on the face. It was minimal, but there. The hair on the back of my neck stood, I was missing something. He was not here, and if—

"Damn it," I whispered staring at the swirling flurry coming at my face. Of course it was right in front of my face, it was hitting me patently, like a slap. The culminating wind that had begun to gather through the afternoon had been coming from the northwest, from Forks. It had brought along with it Bella's scent—my scent with it.

_This is what you wanted, right? A way out, now you have it now. It is perfect…_

I figured that the voice of rationality on the back of my mind was right, but my legs were not rational, just like the rest of my body.

_Stop running, why are you running?_

"Because I might not get there in time."

* * *

I had started to run as fast as my current strength would allow.

If I had begun to grow thirsty or my legs began to get weak I would not have noticed. The trail had been split; I had done a fine and dandy job of it. Now I was safe and sound, nobody behind me, just as I had planned, just as I had wanted. But now, as the moron that I was, I was running towards it.

It was late afternoon when the familiar setting of the dead small town came to view. I could smell incoming snow in the air mixed with tangy smell of pines just as I could smell a sickeningly sweet smell that had not been here before I had left. The hunter was here, just as I had thought he would. My brilliant plan had worked better than I had expected. I could have been far off on a nice warm island if I had not been brain damaged, as I knew I possibly was right now. It was possible that in my long years of immortality my common sense had died, or simply crumbled away…like a cookie. I extended my senses as far as they would go and automatically Bella's scent mixed with my own hit my nose. It was a welcomed one from the dirty one of the other hunter. I strained my hearing but the sound of her rickety truck was nowhere to be heard, maybe she was still at school, or at home already. It did not matter, it was not her I would go to, just the bounty tracker. I could not leave a job unfinished after all…that was why I had returned after all, right? To finish something, send a message perhaps.

Not to save her, never to save her. I was not that broken in the head yet, at least I hoped so.

I had not come for her but once my legs had stopped and my ragged breath told me I was exhausted, I looked up and saw the nondescript two story house looming above me. Its empty black windows gleamed and the silence inside it emanated like a heartbeat.

For a second I felt confusion swipe my head clean of thought, leaving me standing immobile on the middle of the lawn like an idiot.

Momentary panic made me take a step back and survey the surroundings rapidly. Why was I here? Why wasn't _she_ here? Common sense would have dictated me directly to the tracker, yet here I was. It must have been all that pig's blood, it made me sick in the head.

Slowly, yet fully in control of my senses now, I made my way into the forest where the tracker's scent came from. It trailed the air like a thick ribbon leading to him. He was not far, and by the way he was moving away from me in a normal pace I realized he had not noticed that I was right behind him.

Alright, so I had returned. It was fine; it actually was for the best. I would be able to get information from the tracker. How many more were after me, how far was the Priam, and so on. I had done the right thing in returning; my common sense was working after all. It was even two steps ahead of me, it seemed.

It didn't take long for me to get close enough to go for the kill, less than a few hundred yards. Elks were overrated compared to this. I could feel the excitement of it stir my undead blood as I caught sight of him. I was coming up to him slowly from the side. He was talking but I didn't bother listening to what he was saying. I would get him; have a little bit of fun. His dead scent filled my nose, almost making me gag. One step, then another, it would end soon…or not.

A loud crack filled the silence of the wilderness and echoed throughout. My breath caught, was he coming?

No… He was just standing there. He truly had not sensed me yet? Silent and careful steps were taken until I reached, until I saw.

She was there, standing tall and alone with flakes of snow collecting on her dark hair. Multicolored, glossy pages floated the scene and pine needles fell like summer rain.

As soon as my blood had been stirred, it became stock still through my veins. It was like moving at fast speed and coming to an unprecedented halt. It took me by surprise and left me breathless. Was I too late?

Both stood a small distant apart, but he kept coming closer to her with a look of hunger and rage on his face, but that was not new was it?

It was her face I concentrated on, it looked passive, sad almost. That was out of place, Bella talked, Bella laughed, Bella got angry (at me mostly). She was supposed to be afraid, crying for her life, begging to be allowed to live. But no…she was brave and stubborn, that was why she would not beg. Yet it still looked like she was giving up, resigning to death. How could somebody so disgustingly good-humored want to die?

Was it that I did not know her at all? Was this the real Bella? What had I missed?

"_Charlie—my father I mean, is the police chief. He likes his job, I guess…and fishing. I used to go with him but then I outgrew it, I also kept falling in the pond and scaring off the fish…"_

Bella: sitting on the middle of the dreary living room in Carlisle's home. The broken glass had looked like a sparkling body of reflecting water around her. When she began to talk on and on I would sometimes imagine her falling through and drowning in it. Har, har, too bad it never happened.

"_High school is alright, have you ever gone? Oh, that is a stupid question; you look too old for it. Was there high school when you—you know, breathed? Or are you from those times when men were gentlemen and looked really prissy when they danced? I mean, don't get me wrong. In Jane Austen's times girls looked so graceful dancing, but then the men skipped and twirled too…"_

I had wanted to tell her to shut up, even toss her out the window. It would have been monumental, a tumor out of my life. But then she would change topic, again…and again. And her face would brighten and she would go on and on. But her eyes were usually wide, curious, and sad.

She was always sad, _always._

With the tracker advancing further her eyes closed and I saw her shoulders relax, her lips open slightly, like one preparing to go to sleep.

"_Wow, you really know how to glare, good morning to you too. I have to get my rain boots…don't throw them at me! Hey Gabe, now that I have your undivided attention can I ask you a question?" _She had knelt down next to me in the crowded closet and I had cringed away from her warmth, _"Don't you feel alone here in the dark? You don't have to be here _all_ the time, you know. I wouldn't mind your stoic company…"_

I was not stoic, just emotionally challenged. Well, no, that was not true. Some guys were in touch with their feminine side, I was well acquainted with my anger. And yes, I was angry right about now.

The tracker had proved to be far too useless and slow, just as I had thought. Once I had moved and gripped his neck with my bare hand the blood rush returned. For a moment I could pretend I was warm-hot, or as much as my anger would allow. It was true, I was furious. He had become part of the conspiracy. Because of him I had seen another part of the girl I would have been better off not knowing. I had never wanted to realize that everything she did or said, no matter how wide the smile, was a kind of mask. I felt lied to. I did not know her, I never had. The idea of her being a stupid, regular human girl had not cut it. Now I was at a loss. She was not regular, maybe stupid, but not regular.

What could I do now? What _was_ there to do? It was confusing and I did not know what I wanted from this situation. Maybe it had been my fault; if I had not returned then I would not have seen her again. The confusion of not knowing exactly why I cared that I did not know her enough was something I could have lived fine without—pretty confusing, huh?

There was also a part of me that knew I was angry for a completely different reason. Had he honestly believed he could come, suck her dry and get away with it? He had started to drool, it was disgusting, _he_ was disgusting. Drooling for a piece of meat, like a dog. The blood thirsty eyes gazed at me, bulging out with the pressure I was exerting on him. His thin fingers fluttered around my grip, not knowing how to loosen it. There was a deep satisfaction in all of this. All frustrations were fading and asking him the questions I had thought I wanted answers for vanished from my mind.

She smelled like me didn't she? It was a common sense that she was not me and not immortal. The idiot should have figured that there was a reason for that…and yeah, okay he probably couldn't have figured out I could Merge but still. My scent on her would have automatically made him back off. In plain immortal terms and rules: she belonged to me.

Of course, _I _did not want to own her. It was just common courtesy for immortals. Just because I did not have her attached to my hip did not mean I could not possibly consider her my human—which I didn't. Having human pets was fine, for fluffs like Carlisle that is. But the unspoken rule was still there and the tracker had broken it almost as blatantly as he had broken the spine of her textbook. My Elder pride had been bruised. Heads were going to roll…

"Gabe, stop it! Stop it!" A rush of soft warmth gripped my arm almost making me gasp out loud. It was such a sharp contrast from the icy drops of flakes still falling. I turned to the side and there she was, looking up at me with those wide eyes that had looked so sad a moment ago. Now they were filled with shock—and fear. For a second it made me want to recoil, was she afraid of me? Instantly I hated her a little bit more.

How dare she look at me like that? The tracker had been about kill to her, hadn't he? Why hadn't she been afraid of _him_ then?

It was unfair.

_Don't look at me like that…_

"Gabe?"

I picked up her bag and handed it over wishing now more than ever that I had never returned. Once she had set off on a run I turned to the pathetic tracker coughing on all fours at my feet.

"It was a very stupid thing you were about to do," I crouched down and poked him until he was looking up at me owlishly from the floor.

His skeleton-like hand massaged his trachea and he had the decency to sneer at me from the floor, "And what might have that been?"

"You were about to kill her," I reminded him, "That would have made me really mad."

"And you aren't mad already?" he asked, but his smirk faltered slightly. "Besides, she is nothing but a human."

"Yes, she is nothing but a human," I agreed getting his throat once more. He struggled and squirmed, there was even a good two or three kicks aimed low but he was too weak. "But she is _my_ human."

The red eyes were bright with sheen of tears and fear, it made me weary. I had seen so many pairs of eyes just like his directed at me. I let him fall for the second time but this time he learned and backed off immediately.

"I did not know she was yours," he said placating while taking cautious back steps. "Don't kill me, please."

"You knew full and well," I spat growing angrier by the minute. "And why would I not kill you? You were dead the moment the thought of taking something that was mine struck that empty head of yours."

"I had no idea you kept a girl, I didn't!" he rasped almost crying.

"That is really too bad, you were beginning to grow on me during those brief seconds I hadn't realized you were eyeing her as food."

It was around now when his low IQ finally came up with the realization that I was going for the kill. He screamed and ran off, I almost laughed out loud. He shrieked like a girl.

"It is your fault," I called out and began to stroll after him, "We could have been the best of friends."

* * *

It appeared like my time was finally up, no more closet for me. Bella had asked too many questions I had been too much of an idiot to keep from answering. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Nothing good ever came from me talking with people, specially overly temperamental girls like Bella. I could see her being the stereotyped nagging wife in a few years. If her husband ever asked me to end his life and misery I would gladly do it. All to get away from her was worth it.

I must admit I loved the closet, I would not have minded to live there a decade or two. But I had to leave it now, my supposed 'one' night was over. It was time to move on.

Slowly and noiselessly I pushed open the closet door. The clouds of snow had cleared and a half moon set the room aglow in a soft light. I had waited for Bella to fall asleep. It had been a while, the events of today had kept her overexcited but finally she had drifted off. I wanted to leave before morning without her knowing. Maybe, just maybe, when she woke up and opened the closet to find nobody there she would think it had all been a dream. It wasn't like she had anything to remember me by, with the exception of some articles of missing clothes.

The boards creaked no matter how gently and slowly I pressed. I sucked my breath in between my teeth as she began to toss and turn but it only lasted for a minute. Yet it seemed as if she knew. Her face had turned towards the window with the moon shinning on it. She looked like a ghostly beacon of light. Even though her eyes were closed I felt as if any second they would open and she would begin yelling at me.

I reached for the window latch, all the while looking cautiously at her sleeping face. This sleeping Bella was my favorite one. She didn't talk, at least not anymore. With my hand on the latch I wondered if once she woke up she really would think I had just been part of a ludicrous dream. It was probable she would brush it all as a nightmare even.

The idea suddenly prickled me for some reason. Why did she have the chance to forget all about me through a dream loophole when I had nothing? It wasn't like I had the choice of closing my eyes and thinking she had been a fraction of my imagination. It was also unfair that she had a few decades of life left; I had eternity to remember her. The memory of her would be like an annoying tick in my ear. Like with all things Bella, it was ridiculous and unfair.

I walked forward and kneeled down besides the bed. With one finger I poked her cheek, it was lukewarm. I imagined that for her my touch would have been like an ice cube poking her face but she did not make any sign that it had bothered her. Slowly I placed the rest of my finger tips on the side of her face but nothing. No shudder from cold or frown from discomfort. Under my fingers I could feel again that shock of warmth and softness. The feel of her had changed; it was no longer an upsetting experience. Maybe it took time and practice to get used to the sudden heat under the thin layer of smooth skin she had…just as it took time and practice to tune her out, but that required patience as well.

I took finger by finger away and backed slowly from her.

"I hate that I met you," I informed her softly but not even that stirred her awake. Walking back into the closet I sat in the corner, defeated once more. But no, I refused to suffer defeat. This was simply a silent protest against the unfairness in the world. I would leave, but I would tell her. She would have to live knowing I was real and out there in the world, just as I would know for the rest of my eternal life that there was a warm human girl out there I was not ashamed of calling mine.

* * *

**God, I love Gabe. Sometimes I read this all over and just wish I had not made him up. I hate wanting to marry fictional characters.**

**Alrighty please, please, please do review. These long periods between updates usually make my mojo go all kaput. So like always I need input, if I go astray, you guys can set me back on the right track. **


	6. Sickness

**12 long pages!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!**

** I am sorry, once more. I am sure many of you are sick of hearing my apologies but yeah, sorry for the late update. Being in vacation sucks since I don't have internet at home, otherwise this would have been up sooner. Please review, santa would want it that way.**

**Oh and I want to dedicate this chapter to La-Mer. I know I promised it would be sooner, my bad. **

Sickness

I was tired of snow. Once it would fall on my face it would not melt, just stick there. Sometimes it would harden in place. If I stood still enough for a long period of time when I moved my face it would feel like a mask of ice. That was the case at the moment. I had been sitting on the roof of a closed down food chain store as a thick blanket of snow fell lazily. Stale smells of rotten food and meat still lingered in the air though the place had not been open for almost a while.

Time was passing rather slowly and my patience was waning. Wise sages had the liberty to be patient; I had better things to do than wait around.

"You disappoint me, I have been here for a good five minutes," I snapped petulantly as a shadow flowed rapidly behind me.

"Sorry, I forgot to set my watch. I am an hour late aren't I?"

"I don't know, it wasn't like this meeting was planned, was it?" I snapped incensed turning around. My first impression of the bounty tracker was that he had been made too young. He looked younger than Bella with wispy black hair, an ashen complexion and black rimmed glasses framing his blood colored eyes. He was actually winding his watch as he stood a few yards away from me.

"In what time zone are we? Do you know?" he asked looking up at me. The glasses along with the inquiring look to his face made him look smarter than he probably was. And I say "probably" because he was up here on the roof of the building with me after all. You could not get stupider than that.

"How the hell should I know?"

He gave a small shrug and continued to fix his brown wrist watch. I felt my face twitch out of anger, what was he _doing_? "So where is your partner?" I finally asked standing up from my ledge in case he felt the urge of pushing me off at some point. Landing on my head from the roof would not harm me but it would bruise a little bit. I hated bruises—and paper cuts.

"We separated," he finally gave up on the watch and turned up to look at me. He suddenly grinned widely, "I told him your scent was moving but he didn't believe me. He kept saying you were at the same location. I knew you were smarter than that though."

"Of course I am," I replied dryly while trying to calculate when he would make his first move. "So your partner went to Forks?"

The boy pushed up his glasses on his nose and then dug his hands into his coat pockets, "I guess. Forks, is that what the place is called? Joyce said you had not moved from there in a long while, said you would not see him coming."

"But you knew better, didn't you kid?" I asked feeling rather amused. These trackers nowadays...

"I am a child no more than you are a man Gabriel," the boy replied smoothly. "Don't patronize me."

I held back a comment but let it go, deciding to humor him, "So your partner lost his chance at some glory, didn't he?"

The boy nodded slowly, a frown forming on his brow, "I still don't understand how you managed to split your trail. I suppose it is something only elders can do, am I right?"

Split the trail…

Bella's face flushed and enraged as she tossed me her school bag came back to my mind. That was what the so called Joyce would be facing once he got to Forks, I truly pitied him.

"You should be glad it was me who got to you first, not Joyce," the boy was saying taking a tentative step towards me.

"Really and why is that?" I asked eyeing his clumsy approach with disgust, who was he kidding?

"Joyce is just sadistic. If you don't make too much of a fuss I will kill you fast. There is no need for you to suffer elder Gabriel."

He shouldn't have blinked, that was mistake number one on the books: no blinky little boys and girls, it gets you killed. The glasses he no longer needed were maybe what had made my attack less predictable, but that was giving him too much credit. He was just a sluggish kid.

The sound of his neck breaking in my hand or thud of the body as it struck the ground below was lost on me as I stepped back from the edge. For a moment I was furious at myself. I should have made it last longer. I should have tortured the idiot, why had I killed him so fast? There had been no fun in that. He had irritated me, with his nerdy looking glasses, his superior attitude…his stupid partner Joyce.

_Joyce is just sadistic._

Well, that was no surprise. Only sadistic vampires with a lot of time to spare became bounty trackers. It wasn't the bounty that they coveted but the pleasure of the hunt, the challenge. I had been a bounty tracker at some point early in my birth. Once after I had managed to control the thirst I had been able to figure what a pointless waste of time it was. After that I moved into bigger and better things, like civil wars. Those were so fun; it was all about the team work.

What would I do now? Keep going north until I reached the North Pole, and get myself some tasty penguins. It wasn't like they would be able to fly away. Or I could head south; maybe seclude myself in a little humid island. I jumped swiftly to the ground and went to the conspicuous dead body in the middle of the building's sidewalk. Thankfully nobody had been around to hear the commotion of the thud. The pair of glasses was lying broken and askew by the edge of the unoccupied road. I sighed wearily; it was one thing to have fun, it was another to clean the mess afterwards. I was pretty lazy when it came to these sorts of things. Rather bored I kicked the motionless body into the side. I angled the kick wrong so that as the body flew, the head hit the corner of the building. It made a loud crack and made the body twirl on the air. I cringed after that and looked right and left, no one had seen that, right?

Rapidly I made my getaway, head bowed against curious glances that might come my way. A fast wind with a mix of snow and rain had begun; it whipped my face and hair around as I hurried by. Gradually my mind began to wander out on its own. Once I entered areas of the city with people walking everywhere on the streets I became rather reckless by walking too quickly. I almost graced a passerby with my shoulder but caught myself just in time. At the pace I was going I would have sent the person flying to a nearby light pole. There was something wrong with me, there had been ever since I had left Forks a few days ago.

Five days, fourteen hours and forty minutes to be exact. Not that I was keeping track or anything.

With the passing of time I began to find it harder and harder to keep a clear mind. I felt it would wander off at the oddest moments. Like with the tracker, for example. The entire thing had been too much of a close call. He had come very close before I had managed to finally come to my senses. It was ridiculous, he had been a baby, and he had gotten just so _close_… Was I losing my touch? Maybe my neurons had been overloaded after having spent so much time listening to Bella's prattle, they needed time to recuperate.

The mix of snow and rain stopped only to be replaced with a sheet of pouring rain. People around began hurry around me, covering their heads with their coats or newspapers. After a while I simply halted in the middle of the side walk as everybody passed and rushed around me. I could hear the far off sounds of cars, people talking, laughing or yelling. But I was just hearing, not listening. My mind was reeling with thoughts I could not pinpoint; they were not cohesive. There was also a sort of rush going through my veins, adrenaline? It made me feel jumpy and as if I had too much pent-up energy I had to use. Closing my eyes I tried to stop the racing thoughts and get control over myself but it proved impossible. What was wrong with me?

_Maybe I am getting sick_, I thought grimly setting up the street again but my mind would not leave me alone. There were flashes of thoughts and images but I could not make out a single one. Trying to stop thinking, the whole "emptying your mind" technique was useless. My chest felt odd too, as if there was somebody standing on it. Exasperated I gave up after a while and sat on the edge of the sidewalk. It took me a second to realize I had put my head down between my legs and began to take deep breaths. Instantly I was annoyed at myself; that had been a very human thing to do.

There was no stopping to my thoughts; they were blurs of meshed colors, what did it all mean? Why did my chest feel so tight?

_You're worried_, a small voice in the back of my mind managed to become clear through the confusion.

"No I'm not," I snapped peevishly.

A pair of men, fresh out of work with their suitcases over their heads passed behind me and scowled down at me.

"Junky," one of them muttered scornfully under his breath, the other gave a sniff of contempt. I ignored them and gave a rattled sigh. Maybe the animal blood I had been drinking had affected me somehow…but no—I was dead, there was nothing in me that could be affected, right?

Yet something was wrong, wrong in my head, my chest. I rubbed it with the faint hope of relieving the pressure but it would not help.

It was Bella. Damn that stupid girl.

Thoughts of her, memories of her, the sound of her voice, it was all jumbled up inside my head. Once I had realized that, my mind began to slow down. She had managed to get in me somehow. I thought, heard, and smelled Bella. Even with hundreds of miles setting us apart she was still very much present, making me crazy like always.

_But soon my head will be the only place she will be in_, I thought grimly. It was a sickness; the guilt and anxiety she produced in me. I was not used to these emotions; they no longer felt normal and rational as they would to a human. I had to fix this somehow, put a stop to it. Did I want to feel once more as a human felt, as it cared? That was a massive No. For the second time I felt like going to Carlisle for help. He would know what all of this was, right? He would know how to deal with it and whatnot. Then again he was nowhere near, as I could tell. I would have to deal with this as I could.

Standing up slowly I wondered how it was that everything happened to me. I did not deserve being hunted by vampires without lives, or being worried about a human girl that had hit me over the head with a flashlight. But I had to make do with what I had and deal…until I could find somebody who could fix my head—extract all the Bella poison.

I had to think positive. When the world gave you lemons, you just had to squirt them all over your enemy's open wounds after all.

* * *

It was a sort of anxiety, the thing in my chest. Would she be there in one piece…or many? The possibility produced a bad taste in my mouth. I actually cared if this human got hurt. Was it guilt, or gratitude?. A long period of time had passed since I had felt anything towards anyone that did not involve annoyance or anger. Gratitude was somewhat of a novelty for me, as well as anxiety. Any type of positive feeling was just too weird for me. Bella just happened to be good at producing a good amount of them in me. No wonder I disliked her so much.

'_Why don't you smile or talk anymore Gabriel? Did I kill every part of you?'_ Michael's voice echoed like the remnant vibrations of a gong. _'Did I break you?' _I cringed at his words; it had been so long ago. The ghost memory of the beginning always lingered. It was true that I could not remember anything about my past life when I hadbeen alive. I could not recall my father or my mother. Not even my wife. Because at twenty-six I had to have had a wife, right? Maybe a child as well…it was all a blur. All that had remained in my head had been Michael. The many memories I began to collect after my birth to immortality had revolved around the Priam, all around fulfilling my thirst. It was no surprise I had never smiled or talked as he had wanted me to. There had never been any actual reason to do those things. There was no one around worth talking to; it wasn't like the old geezers were great conversationalists. They were like people high on something; they could sit and stare at their skeletally thin hands and be entertained for hours. Michael had been different from them; he could actually carry a conversation for one. But my everlasting grudge had stood strong and made me resort to the silent treatment whenever he had been around. So there had been no eloquent conversations in the Priam household for me.

As for smiling…there had never been anything particularly amusing to begin with. Odd thing about living hundreds of years: after a while you just realize—life is not all that entertaining. Well, except for this past year. I had definitely made life exciting for me, hadn't I? I had killed a supposedly powerful elder and set his bosom friends against me. I suspected they hadn't actually cared that he had died, but I had given them a perfect excuse to do a witch hunt on somebody: me. They had been bored and now I was the perfect form of entertainment. At least one of us was amused by this never ending hunt, and it was not me. It had been fine months ago; at least I had been able to deal with being the only one hunted, but this…Bella…

Something told me that this feeling of unease was not going to go away anytime soon. For some reason my long-dormant human feelings were starting to resurface. And now thanks to the ever so wonderful, clumsy, idiotic, girl I was now…what was it called—guilty, grateful, _preoccupied_? Was that what it was called, the feeling in my chest? It made my head focus on one idea: Bella's death…which would be my fault. My legs moved faster than my head so while I processed this my body was already making its way to Forks for the second time.

What was I going to do?

Kill the bounty tracker, that was a given. Then what else? I would leave of course…then come back if my conscious decided to resurface again. While running I hit a tree with my shoulder which made a blanket of snow slam down on me but I did not stop. The hit had felt good, I actually felt like breaking down every single tree in my way. I was unsure whether I wanted to do this because I had too much pent up frustration and there was no pillow anywhere for me to scream in, or because they were just in my way. The idea of being too late was unbearable and I did not know why. The world would be a better place without Bella in it, right?

I could always remove the Merge, which would be the most obvious thing to do. By the new-found guilt it created in me this brilliant plan of merging my scent with hers had turned out to be a total bust. It felt like it would eventually end up giving me grey hairs.

Sunset was happening by the time I arrived at Bella's home. I could smell the tracker in the air, it made my skin prickle. So I was too late?

The front door was not there…why was the front door not there? For a second the fact did not compute in my head. I rushed inside the house to find it in disarray. The disgusting tracker's scent was thick in the air. My mouth dried and I could hear an odd pounding in my ears as I made my way through the rubble.

'_Do you miss humans? Is that why you don't talk anymore Gabriel? You look so depressed…'_ It had always been like Michael to come up with something ridiculous. Sometimes he would turn out to be right…but those times were rare.

Through the depressing dimness of the room I shuffled by until I reached the upturned couch. I sat heavily on the edge. For some reason I felt like I had failed. It felt as if she had been counting on me and I had let her down. It was ridiculous…

It made me feel ill.

A sudden crash above me made my bowed head snap up. I had ignored it previously but there was a loud ruckus above my head. The pounding in my ears had managed to mask it ever since I had arrived. There would be intermediate points of silence followed by explosive dull crashes.

He was still here?

Idiot

Running up the stairs I mused the many ways I could kill him. There was the classical breaking of the neck, or I could burn him while he tried to apologize. All cowards apologized at the end.

At the landing the crashes got louder and I realized they were coming from Bella's room. It made me freeze in my tracks. What if she was there, dead already? A strong roll of sickness passed over me and I was unable to stop myself from taking an unconscious step back. I had seen plenty of dead bodies, plenty being an understatement. One dead body of a dead girl would not be new.

Yet I would be an idiot if I kept fooling myself by insisting she was just a girl, she had stopped being _just a girl_ a long time ago. She was Bella.

Ashamed of my reaction I hurried to the room, when lamp came flying at my head. I caught it but my feelings were a little hurt. Couldn't I arrive at places without people aiming things at my head? It was rather rude. But I had to admit that lamps were a step up from the times of pitchforks and arrows. Pointy things were always the worst to yank out.

As I walked into the destroyed room I saw Bella in the middle, alive and rather crazy by the looks of it. Strands of hair clung to her face and I could see she had been crying. There was a look of anger and desperation in her eyes I could not help but cringe at. I surveyed the mess but everything that was broken surrounded her, had she been the one to destroy the house?

"Did you do this?" I asked her trying to hide the awe from my voice. I suppose that my question had been rather polite in comparison to the real one I had, _'Are you having a mental breakdown?'_

Bella had finally shown her true colors. Granted; I had always suspected her capable. I had always seen the glint of madness in her eyes waiting to erupt. It was always the small ones that went crazy after all. Maybe being so short and closer to the ground cut her oxygen supply short…I felt like asking her about it but a tiny voice of reason in my head told me to keep my mouth shut.

"Some of it…not all of it," she muttered turning red. The rush of blood to her face intensified her scent. I grounded my teeth together in an attempt to keep myself in control. It had been a mistake to come unfed. The thirst was slowly gaining up on me.

In order to keep a semblance of control I sniffed and tried to fill my nostrils with the gag-inducing aroma the tracker had left behind.

"Someone was here," I said pointlessly.

"Wow, really, what in the world gave you that idea Sherlock?"

Sarcasm—I had travelled from an entirely different country to come and save her again and she was giving me sarcasm…

"I meant someone like me," I replied trying to remind myself that I had been worried about her being alive. If I killed her now out of sheer irritation it would defeat the purpose of my return altogether.

I walked around to view the damage but it was much too convoluted. Where did the tracker's mess end and when did Bella's begin? I opened my mouth to ask her if the tracker had seen her but her mouth was already moving at the speed of light asking question after question that made me want to take a few steps back. At first I was able to give her rational answers but then came those questions that set my teeth on edge. Why had I returned? I was ashamed of even admitting that to myself. The split trail—well I was not going to tell her the truth. Especially that I had planned it. I mean…I _could_ tell her. It was nothing to me if she felt angry, or betrayed, or possibly hurt.

"Why was your trail cut in two?"

I could tell her, get it over with. She would probably throw blunt objects at me but it wouldn't be like she could do anything about it. I was not going to reverse the Merge; I still needed her to make my perfect escape…

Yeah okay, even I found that completely ridiculous. I had left with perfect timing. Bella had been in place ready to take the trackers in my stead, but I had returned. Not once, _twice_. I was definitely sick in the head; screws had been broken or come loose. That or my human conscious had been reborn, as horrifying as that sounded.

"I don't know if the Cullens told you but you have a very obvious and obnoxious smell to you," I heard the blatant lie come out of my mouth.

"Floral," she said frowning, "What is wrong with that?"

So they _had_ told her…great. She knew she smelled nice, now I had to tell her she smelled disgusting. For some reason this made me squirm in the inside. It was an unnecessary lie. I did not find her smelling repellant, the opposite. But the lie grew, like a big monstrous blob. Words spilled and made an ugly mess. The scents had magically mixed and I had _tried_ to reverse the events...yeah, right. I felt in the inside as if I was made out of wood but my nose was not getting any bigger.

"So then what do we do? Do I take a shower too? Burn everything you ever touched? How do I get rid of it?" she asked desperately.

"None of that will work," I replied feeling a little smug in the inside. So she wanted to get rid of me already? Too bad for her.

For some reason her words had annoyed me. _Burn everything I had touched?_ How insulting.

"Only time will make it fade away," I finished. This was the end of the lie, no more. At least I hoped so.

"Time? Just how much time, genius? Enough time for more blood thirsty vampires to come and confuse me for you and kill Charlie off?"

How tall was Bella anyhow? She was a small thing, really. With her pale skin and big eyes she posed no real threat to actual human beings.

Notice how it was only _human beings _though, she scared me silly with her burning eyes and balled fists. A tiny doll of fury that was what she was.

"Who knows, perhaps more," I made the mistake of saying. I winced as I heard her breathe out heavily through her nose before she knelt down to pick up the lamp. The next thing I knew blunt objects of varying sizes were flying towards my head. In my own way I attempted to reason with her. I told her it had been her fault—which had been the case all along. It _had_ been her fault. If she had left me alone we would not have ended up in the disheveled room with books and lamps being thrown at me. Unfortunately it appeared that my lack of human tact ended up making things worse. She had started to cry all over again.

"Now Charlie is in danger and…and I smell like vampire," she said finally letting her arms fall heavily to her sides. I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but the last comment had given me a stab of that new annoying guilt.

"I don't smell as bad as you," I lied and bit my tongue. _We smell the same…_

It was all just an ethical dilemma right? She had saved my life (well, conserved it) and I had ill used her, and by refusing to remove the Merge I still was. I had to take it off, that was what I would do. Then everything would go back to being uncomplicated. Life would make sense again.

Except that I could not do it. No matter how much guilt racked my head I could not remove what linked us. Bella would be better off without this secret connection. I was positive on that aspect. But what about me, would I be better off? I was being a selfish monster but…it was complicated, _every _damn thing was complicated.

While I was having my warping emotional struggle a change had come over Bella. This girl was definitely bipolar. This new change was scarier than her psychotic breakdown. Her eyes had gotten a manic glow to them.

All of a sudden she stood up and ran out of the room making me flinch in surprise. I could hear her make a racket off in her father's room. When she came back she was carrying an empty sack, her face was flushed and her eyes were definitely alight with whatever crazy ideas that floated inside her head.

"What are you doing now?" I asked cautiously. She had begun to move frenzied about the room throwing random articles of clothing into the sack. For a second I had the wild idea that she was cleaning up the mess.

"I'm getting out of here," she replied breathlessly keeping her tornado pace.

"You are being ridiculous," I replied blankly. It appeared that poor Bella had lost all her sanity altogether. It was a sad thing, she was so young.

"No, not ridiculous: rational. If trackers are heading this way then I have to divert them, right?"

_What—no you idiot…_

"You can head back to Ontario or where ever you vampires vacation. I'll head the opposite direction, they'll leave Forks alone. Charlie will be safe."

_What?_

She was leaving by herself? I snapped my gaping mouth shut and stared at her in mounting horror as she continued to move around. This could not be happening, when had everything gotten so out of hand? Now she was leaving, and by the stubborn set of her mouth I realized there was no changing her mind about it.

"You are nothing but a weak girl," I said feeling uncomfortably powerless at her whims, but I had to try something. Instilling fear in her seemed like the good way to go about it. "How the hell will you survive?"

"I've been tracked before, it didn't go so well but I'm still here aren't I?" she said smiling grimly at me briefly over her shoulder.

The longer I was with Bella, the more puzzling she became. She was a seemingly regular girl who lived alone with her father and had happened to befriend Carlisle. Oh, and she was obsessed with a tool called Edward, but that was irrelevant. Now it appeared she had been "tracked before" and it had not gone "so well". This girl was going to be the death of me—figuratively.

"What do you mean it didn't go so well?"

She simply refused to tell me more and walked off. I felt as if she had thrown a bucket full of boiling water at my face and thought I would not react to it. She tossed the full pack over her shoulder and rushed out of the room, but I knew this time she would not come back.

"It will be fine Gabe," she continued as she headed down the stairs, "As soon as your scent fades from me I will return. Everything will turn out all right."

Her reassurances made me feel worse than ever. I wondered if she really knew what she was about to face or if she was just unaware. It would not matter how fast or hard she would run they would catch her and kill her. There would be not returning for her.

"How are you going to know when my scent fades off you? Your nose is no good; you would never be able to tell," I tried to reason with her feeling as if I was pulling at strings. My hands itched to stop her but my new feeling of alarm was making everything too disorienting, it made my head spin. It was definitely like being human all over again. First the emotions and now the physical discomforts created by them.

There was also the obvious: if she was off in the big world moving about I would not have a concrete spot to return to if I knew something was coming to get her. I would be powerless to protect her.

It was irrational, as much as being worried for her, but I wanted to protect her. I had never wanted to protect anything in my life, maybe when I had been alive but I could not remember that part. Now that I did want to, the inability to do so was exasperating.

_It's your fault, just remove the Merge. It will solve everything_.

I scowled at the voice of reason in my head. It was beginning to sound so much like Michael.

"As soon as the trackers stopped coming after me it would be a clue," was her brilliant reasoning.

"You will not survive the first tracker you idiot," I snapped angrily taking away her bag. I had to make her stay, somehow. But when I looked at her brown eyes my hands slacked and allowed her to take the sack back. The only way I knew how to make people do whatever I wanted was by using force. Except that just like I knew that my heart did not beat, I knew I was not capable of making myself strike her.

There was another manner to get her to stop but it was against my very being to do it: to plead. Like many other things I had thought that defined others as being weak, such as wanting to protect somebody, was the act of begging for something. I had never done it, and would never do it.

"Don't do this Bella, you are being stupid," this did not constitute as begging; notice how there was no 'please' involved.

"I don't care if I survive or not," she told me truthfully. She stared up at me, unsmiling and I wished I had it in me to chain her to her bed's head post. "I don't belong here Gabe, now I have a reason to go—a good reason. I'm keeping Charlie alive."

_Undo the Merge, undo the Merge_…

It was a chant that went on and on and on. It was a good idea, the best. I had to do it, it would end it all. The problem of the trackers, Bella coming to harm, my connection to her—it would end it all.

_I want…what do I want?_ I wondered knowing that my selfish nature was stronger than my new benevolent one. My needs had always come before anybody else's, that was just the way it was.

_I want…to kill the Elders…to make Bella stay…to protect her…to keep her scent…to stay in her closet forever._

I wanted many things it seemed. Many of which somehow involved her. I knew I was being stubborn about them. Her scent for one was an idiotic thing to hang on to. It was what was prolonging the problem but it was the one thing I refused to give up on. The closet was lost already; I would not be able to return to it. Killing the Elders was a given, I just needed time. As for making her stay I knew that was wishful thinking. Her stubbornness knew no bounds. She reminded me of somebody, I just could not recall who.

Protecting her was the only thing I actually had control over. In the nicest manner I was capable I told her I would protect her. I would protect her because I wanted to. And because doing otherwise would mean I would have to deal with the sickness. I was immortal for crying out loud. Being dead had its perks, like never being ill for example. I did not want to feel like this anymore. If she was somewhere far across the world from me with killers after her, I knew it would be too much. She made me feel more than I had in the past centuries. It was not something I particularly liked but I thought back to my past reactions when I had thought I had been too late. There had been _something_, I wasn't sure on the particulars but I cared. Cared if she was not in one piece, talking somebody's ear off somewhere out in the world.

In all reality it was all about me. I knew I was being completely selfish though it might have seemed otherwise to her or anybody else. She could believe that I was paying her back. Now it was my turn to keep her alive, but not because of any type of noble misconception about becoming her white knight. I was not a good person. She knew that, I knew that. It killed me to have to pretend.

As I tossed her over my shoulder with her squirming I could not help but feel primeval. Like a caveman hitting the female with a giant club and dragging her off. She had no say in the matter.

I ran as slow as I dared without whacking Bella's head onto any passing pine trees. Though she had been squirming at first, after a while it seemed she had given up—or passed out. I worried that in the position I had been carrying her too much blood had flowed into her brain, god knew she needed no more handicaps in that area. Finding a good spot on a bank next to a frozen stream I let her sack fall pointlessly to the ground and let Bella slip from my grip just as gracelessly. She fell to the soft needle-covered ground with a smothered thump and just laid there as if in a deep sleep. I rolled my eyes at the soft white puff of breath coming out of her mouth every other moment, either she was able to forgo through the toughest times and had managed to fall asleep or she was out cold. Since she hadn't woken up after being thrown down like a sack of potatoes I figured it was the latter.

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked her motionless body. It would have been nice if she had woken and given me an answer. Then at least one of us would know what was supposed to be done. I know it had appeared as if I had taken matters into my own hands but once the words had come out of my mouth _"I will keep you alive"_ and so on, I had known I was clueless as to how to make it happen.

"I could just leave you here," I continued and crouched down next to her. Gently as I had a week ago I prodded her face with my finger. Her lips parted: a perfect angel. Yeah, right

I stood up and as I felt my mouth dry once more I stepped away from her.

_Leave her, walk away…_

"Okay," I breathed out and before I could let myself reason anymore I allowed the voice in my head to dictate my very body.

_Leave her, walk away…_

All alone by the frozen stream—that was where I left her.

* * *

The jumbled voices were either a soft or loud octave with ranging amounts of panic. Orders were being shouted back and forth, and people were running off in every direction to follow them. The chaotic scene had a thick atmosphere that was emphasized by the grim looks on every passing face. The flashing blue and red lights added a touch of insanity to the scene just as the white beams of lights from passing flashlights made it look like a world in fast forward motion.

I wanted to walk out of the confinements of the trees but everything—the people, their alarm, the lights—it all made me hesitate. In a way I had been responsible for all of this.

Through the mass of people running around hurriedly I looked at the one person in the middle of it all. It was him to whom everybody gravitated then ran off from. He was like a freak magnet.

"Charlie, where do you need us?"

"Go northwest. Her friends from school went northeast with Thomas leading them."

"Charlie, do you think we should circle the perimeter again? Maybe we missed something."

"Do anything you think might help."

"Don't you think whoever this might have driven off with her Charlie?" somebody else asked.

"No," he snapped as if this was not the first time he had been asked, "There were no tire marks; whoever took her must have gone into the forest."

It took a while before the front drive of Bella's home slowly emptied and Charlie was left alone. I watched as people finally drifted off, Charlie's role of the leading man in control drifted with them. A bewildered man was left behind walking around almost in a circle. I forced myself to walk out into his line of sight. He stopped and squared his shoulders.

"I came," I began but stopped abruptly. I realized that until now, like with everything else, I was going in blind.

"Did Floyd send you here? The last search team left towards the stream," he stared at me with a gaze that never faltered but his eyes, so much like Bella's, were moist and blood shot. I wondered how long he would hold before completely breaking down.

After he saw that I was not responding he frowned and held out a flashlight to me.

"You came here to help find my girl, didn't you?"

I grinded my teeth as the sickness grew in my insides like dizzying whirlpool. It was getting easier to distinguish what I was "feeling". In this case, as I stood before the man, who was probably trying his hardest not to cry, guilt gnawed at me sharply.

"I came to help," I nodded woodenly accepting the flashlight. I stared at it and fingered it silently.

"If you hurry you can catch up with the others towards the stream," he said hollowly, beginning to turn away.

"Wait," I blurted.

He turned back; his glassy stare became slightly more focused and sharp. I realized I had said it more commandingly than I had expected. I suppose I had to be gentle. The man was like an emotional time bomb, setting him off would be the last thing I wanted. For one thing—I did not have any tissues with me.

"What do you need?"

"If I find Bella, what would you want me to do?" I clenched the flashlight too tight and it cracked in my hold, "I don't know what to do."

I felt pathetic. It was humiliating to feel this lost, and in a way it was not fair of me to ask him at all.

_I need to know what to do with your daughter now that I am taking her away from you…because I cannot leave her here. Because I am a selfish monster and want to keep what is rightfully yours. _

"If you find Bella," Charlie said in a strangled-sounding voice, "You take care of her and watch over her, you hear me? Protect her until I get there."

I nodded numbly and watched as he turned once more and like a blind man walked into the confines of the trees. I was left alone next to her ancient truck with siren lights flashing around. I let the broken flashlight fall and left the spectacle behind me. It was a mess I could not and would not clean up. It was funny; it had never bothered me before how inhumane I could be on a daily basis. Charlie's crying eyes were Bella's eyes.

Guilt weighed me down but I still managed to arrive before the search group heading towards the stream. Bella was exactly where I had left her, the same puffs coming out of her gently. I scooped her up, my head still weighing my options.

Take care, watch over, and protect…more or less what I had promised her. I wanted to do all those things but I still did not even know why or more importantly: how.

Once my fast pace had placed a great distance between Charlie and me I gave a sigh of relief. In a way I felt like a boy who had managed to shoplift a new toy without getting caught. All I had to do now was keep my toy in one piece. It would be such a hassle.

I would do what he had ordered me to do. For one thing standing before him, seeing him at his worst I had felt…it must have been the curse of the Swan family. Worry, gratitude, and now pity. What would they make me feel next, euphoria? Soon enough people would see me going around kissing babies. It was disgusting.

I held Bella as close and tight as I dared. Her exposed skin was cold, even to my touch and her face was pallid. Apparently it was not good to leave passed out humans out in the cold for a long period of time, who knew?

I set off as fast as I could away from her home and the people who cared about her. A morbid feeling of triumph trumped whatever guilt that arose. I had what I wanted.

The strange thing was not knowing why I wanted it to begin with.

Perhaps there was too much Bella poison in me. No wonder I got sick so often. What would I do with myself? What would I do with her?

* * *

**I really want this to go faster. Like you all I want some EdwardGabe interaction. It is gonna be fun to write...but not quite yet my dears. Soon, though. Soon**


	7. Bittersweet

**I suppose a simple apology will not suffice, right? Well, for what it's worth, I am trully and honestly sorry. Months have passed and I have made a couple of people suffer for my lack of updating. If there is any way for me to make it up to you guys, please tell me. Blackwingy will try her best! Anyhow, I have the habit of titling my stories and chapters after songs I like. This week I discovered Apocalyptica and fell in love, so yeah...**

Bittersweet

There was a bright red cover over my eyes as the pathetic light of the dying hallway light bulb fell on my closed lids. With my eyes closed like this I could imagine being in a bittersweet world where the eternal light was the color of blood and the only sound was the rhythmic beats of Bella's heart behind the closed door…and the only oxygen available was Bella's scent. As the sun rose slowly through the window on the end of the hall I opened my eyes and fought to ignore the feelings of disgust I had at myself. A world full of Bella? Seriously? What would be so great about that?

The thirst must have been drying up the blood in my brain as well.

Yes, it was always the thirst. Inside the dingy room Bella's easy breathing was coming in slow even breaths. I was aware that right now I had to come up with a fool-proof plan to protect my unwanted human charge. A faint idea had formed in my head but in order to do whatever it was, I did not think having to drag Bella along would help. There were actually no good occasions when I could take her along, now that I thought about it. Not only would she handicap me further along with my thirst but she did not seem like the type to behave in public…then again, neither did I.

I could not think of how to go about it. Did I just leave? Or maybe go in the room and let her know? It was mindboggling, all this human hoo-hah. It wasn't like I was tactless…that much. For the millionth time I regretted bringing her along. It had been idiotic, I hadn't been thinking at all. Now I was stuck with her.

_You could just leave her here,_ the annoying voice of reason in my head suddenly popped up, _just leave and don't come back, easy as that._

The small amount of noise in the dead night of the city throbbed in my ears. How was it that people were still awake at these hours of the morning? They were taking their ability to sleep for granted. I leaned back on the wall and looked up at the cracked ceiling with dirty gray water marks. Having been holed up—literally—for almost a year was not a good way of increasing income. I had never given much thought to money, probably because I had always had it. The Priam never ran out of it and there were always connections, but I had never bothered to figure out the reasons behind them. Now I had Bella to worry about. The fact that I did not have a cent to my name made things even worse. Humans had to be fed too, right? What, exactly? She would also need new clothes, at least to mask her obvious scent. With mine it was more than enough, we did not need to concentrate it especially now that trackers would be after the both of us.

I wondered what would happen now. A sudden creak on the cot made me jump. I had been too inside my head to notice she had woken up. It had not been too long ago since we had arrived. Once I had gotten her in the room Bella had broken down. I had never seen anyone cry like she had at that moment. She had sat on the bed with her legs pulled up and sobbed for what had seemed eternity. The overly weird thing about the whole thing had been that I had not felt disgusted at her like I normally would have. Instead I had felt afraid…_Me_—Afraid.

Yeah, I know. Ridiculous, am I right?

Maybe I had broken her on the way over and that was why she was so loud. The situation was too much for me to handle. What did I have to do? Tell her to shut up? Conk her on the head to put her out of her misery? What? At the end I stuck with my strongest skill: walking away. I was always good at that. It was an ability I planned to hone into perfection.

I had shut the door behind me but her sobs did not get any less loud. There was actually a part of me that wanted to do something that did not involve shutting her up for my sake or simply ignoring her. I suppose that that was the side that eventually ended up making me lean on the wall next to the door and slide down to the floor. I sat on dirty hallway floor and listened until she cried herself to sleep. Humans were too complicated for my taste.

"Maybe you want me to go in there and tell you it is okay?" I had asked sarcastically of the closed door. The city noise had been the only reply along with the soft puff of her sleeping breath. I had looked away up at the moldy ceiling, "Well that is too bad, I won't."

Hours passed and the city began to wake and the sun lighted the darkest cracks. I stood up before the direct rays from the window would touch me. My thick coat covered me entirely but I disliked the sparkle from my skin, even the small naked piece of flesh exposed from my hands. Darkness was in me and out; it was who I was. There was no hiding or pretending. I sighed and stared at the closed door. It was a new day; I had to get a move on.

I left the closed door and headed down the hallway. As noisy and alive the dingy hotel had been it seemed it was now the time when everything started to settle down. Right as I reached the top landing of the stairs I heard the creak of the cot Bella was laying on. Without realizing it my body had done an involuntary flinch and I had found myself halfway back in the corridor before I had managed to stop. The creak had stopped in a split second; she did not need me.

There had to be some distance. I had to create make some. I had spent the entire night sitting by the door jumping half way up whenever she would move in her sleep. It was pathetic—I was pathetic. Distance would be my savior.

In regular human speed I went down the stairs two at a time. Once on the outside the frozen morning gale made my hair fly back into my mouth. I pulled it out irritated. The fleeting idea of tearing off the annoying strands passed briefly through my mind. When had it been the last time I had cut my hair? I had probably still had a beating heart back then.

My appearance had never interested or struck me as something worth bothering about. So as long as hair wasn't flying into my mouth, it was not to be bothered with. For the first time I noticed the people who would see me on the street. Their looks were too murky for me to make out. Maybe I was possibly imagining but many people, almost all in the street, would make a double take. Was I that odd looking? Well…I was siding mostly to the wall under the stores' canopies in order to avoid direct light contact with my hands deep in my pockets and my head hunched down. I supposed that to some extent I was being odd. After a moment the continuous gazes I had never bothered to notice began to irritate. Hadn't anybody heard staring was rude? Was I that despicable looking for people to gape?

In an intersection I stopped abruptly and wondered how I would cross the street and expose myself to the sunlight. Turning about to look, I almost snarled in surprise. My non-beating heart almost revived for a split second. For a moment I imagined my dead blood freezing through the entire length of my veins.

"Did you come for me?" I wanted to ask, but the words were lodged somewhere deep in my chest. My eyes burned at the etched image staring back at me, the pale face, the dark glaring eyes…

_What took you so long? Michael…_

Michael stood off at the distance with a small smile brightening his face. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to do. Was I happy, was I sad? I took a step forward and so did he. I blinked and so did he.

My reflection on the store window betrayed a flicker of disappointment as the small smile faded. The green in my eyes had darkened enough—enough for me to believe Michael had been there. That he had finally come after all this time. The overly pale face and the long curtain of hair framing it…it was a strange face. Did Bella see what all the others in the street saw? Did she see the reflection on the window…did she see Michael too?

I turned away disgusted and decided to cross the street quickly without caring if I was seen or not. I was breaking. There were things inside me that were changing at a pace I could not stop, with effects I could not undo. The changes were unnerving and if I let myself admit it—a little terrifying as well. And yet…exciting; change had never been a part of my life. Not before I had gone off and killed Michael's maker anyway. New things happened now, not all necessarily bad. If you didn't count the annoying trackers, my inability to drink proper blood, and an annoying little tick in my ear called Bella. Other than that life was peachy keen.

As I walked down streets taking turns on random corners, I allowed my senses to take over. There was no longer time for distractions. It had been a while, but I could feel the new trackers approaching like slithering snakes. There were three this time, before the trackers had always come for me one at a time. When they came two at a time they would split before hand and come at me separately. These new trackers did not show any signs of splitting any time soon. They would come at me together. I was confident enough to know I could be able to stand my ground against three trackers set to kill me. It was having Bella to protect and my growing thirst what was handicapping me. If I was weak I would only have the strength to deal with one while the other had his merry go at Bella.

Abruptly a sudden desire to stop for a moment and maybe dig myself another hole somewhere far off hit me. If I could then all of this would no longer be a bother. Especially having to protect Bella most of all. If I had stayed in my hole none of this would be happening. She would have never found me or for some unforeseen reason, had the wild desire to help. Guilt was eating me slowly, it was what drove me and kept me from walking away like I would want to. This newfound discovery of a conscious was also one of the bad things that came with the change in me. If there had been a "Don't Care" button in me I could press to make the guilt go away, I would have pressed it long ago. It was part of the reason why I had not gone to go feed; because I had known the trackers were closing in. It would have been easy for me just to forward and meet them but then that would have meant leaving Bella alone. I was not exactly sure how one went about protecting another person from probable murder but I was almost positive that leaving them alone to fend for themselves was not the correct way to go about it.

Life without Bella that was what I needed. Otherwise I would go insane soon. There had to be something that could be done, _something. _I could not keep living like this. It had almost gotten to the point where I wanted to throw the girl out of a very high window.

The morning passed quickly as I scoured the area and the people. It wasn't until the sun was becoming weak that I realized I was just meandering and there was no real purpose for it. I wanted to do something; I just did not know exactly what. The whole purpose had been to place some distance between me and the girl while at the same time scouting for hunters. I had sat by the door _all night_. There had to be something wrong with me, something that definitely needed fixing. Irritating, my life was one big blob of irritation.

Quickly I moved from the protection of the canopies on the sidewalk to a covered bus booth. It was almost empty except for a man seated to the far edge in the darkest spot. I grimaced but settled on the middle where the angle of the sun only came up to the top of my knees. I could feel the warmth of the sun filter in through the fabric of my pants. I closed my eyes and saw the blood red world again on the back of my lids, but this time it was filled with the sound of a live city and the strong smell of black cherries.

"It has been quite entertaining following you around Elder," the man on the edge said turning his whole body to face me. The dull brown eyes glittered like murky water on an angular dark brown face. His cheekbones were sharply defined which gave him a sophisticated look but made his whole face appear sunken if you stared for longer than a moment. His frame was lean and he hunched only to mask the fact that he was beyond six feet tall.

I sighed and looked away before I began to notice how skeletal his face could become under scrutiny. I knew the chilling face by heart, there was no point in continuing to stare. His distinguishable scent of black cherries was one that had been imprinted in my head ever since I had met him decades ago.

"You disappointed me Perttu," I replied, leaning back onto the bench and stretching out my legs. "I thought you three would come at me at once, and then you had to go and break off, how boring."

Perttu smiled widely, his eyes glittering ominously, "Ah, please don't call me boring, Elder. Spontaneous, on the other hand…"

"You are not spontaneous. You are nothing but a dispensable henchman, that's all you have ever been and ever will," I said pleasantly, "So tell me, whose bottom are you making out with this time?"  
To give the guy credit, his mild expression never wavered, but his eyes became slightly duller.

"You have certainly become much more sociable Elder. A decade ago you would have pierced my chest with your bare hand if I had so much as spoken to you out of turn…"

"Ah yes, the chest," I turned to him sneering, "how's the hole by the way?"

His smile widened and he patted his chest lightly, "It's still closing. Who knew having a hand spearing straight through would take so long to close?"

"Not me, that's for sure," I responded cheerily.

"Of course you didn't," he replied stonily.

I turned to stare ahead. People passed back and forth but nobody stopped to wait for the bus. Maybe it was their inner survival mechanisms that let the passing humans know that two hungry lions were seated placidly waiting for a meal.

"We both know I do not have the patience for socializing Perttu, what do you want?" I finally muttered staring at a woman who was passing with a bag full of tangerines, the citrus smell so strong that it made my nose twitch.

"I am currently under the service of the twins. They sent me ahead to give you a proposition."

He went on talking but automatically my ears shut down as the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Was he lying?

"The twins are not trackers," I snapped cutting him off from whatever it was he was going on about. "They are elders themselves; they would not spend their time chasing outlaws."

Perttu's mouth shut with a snap but his eyes brightened further and a smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth, _Are you afraid now?_, his expression asked.

"It appears the Priam offered them something in return for hunting you too," he stood up from the corner and stretched his lanky body, still in the cover of shadows. I fought the urge to stand up too, or look up at him. "I don't know exactly what it was but they agreed immediately.

"The thing is Elder…they are willing to let you go."

I forced myself to hold back a laugh, Elder Gabriel did not laugh out loud in front of anybody, not even in derision. I had an image to uphold as a stoic badass after all.

"Let me go? Well aren't they charitable, have they been draining Buddhist monks again?"

"Oh you know the twins; they can't resist a man in a robe, especially orange ones," Perttu replied airily, "But you should know by now that the twins would never do something for nothing Elder."

I nodded grimly knowing all too well what he meant. With the twins there was always a price to pay. And sometimes the stakes could be sky high.

"They are willing to let you go, and in return you have to hand them the girl," Perttu said leaning back on the booth's metal wall, "Of course they know about her," he continued, catching the fleeting surprise in my eyes I had not managed to contain.

"Your scents are all mixed up but they are still discernable to them; they have known you far too long. She is quite something, isn't she?" he narrowed his eyes when I continued to remain silent, "Whatever the case, if you want to escape this place with your life you have to hand her over. I suppose a direct quote from them would be, "Stop hogging everything, you selfish bastard".

"Their words, not mine," he gushed suddenly, holding his hands protectively over his chest.

The rays of the sun had extended all over my legs but suddenly they had lost all their warmth. I turned away from him just in case any emotions flickering on my face would betray me.

"It is amazing you have not taken her yet, are you saving her for a special occasion?"

The question distracted me momentarily. So he did not know about the Ban…which probably meant that the twins didn't either.

"It is hard to believe an elder like you would even bother keeping a pet," Perttu continued, "I suppose living that long must make life quite boring. It doesn't take long before we have to create some new type of excitement in our lives to make them worth living."

I got up faster than he could react and held him tight against the thin wall. The strength of my hold made the booth creak to the side, "You are quite the sage, why don't you run along to some forest to meditate and get lost?"

Perttu's smile faded but he looked at me mildly as I held him tight to the wall, still covering his chest with his hands, "You are not thinking this thoroughly Elder…I can see in your eyes that you have not fed, you are weak. You could definitely kill me right now but it would be quite an effort, wouldn't it? I don't see why you even hesitate; your life would be easier if you were to just hand over the girl. Go off to wherever you want without anybody on your trail—for a while anyway."

He must have seen something in my face that set him at ease since he pushed me away gently. I let my hands fall from him heavily and took a step back.

"Having human pets can get cumbersome after a while. You might not think it but they end up draining you from your autonomy sooner or later. Instead of being entertaining they end up compromising you. That is not a way to live," he said straightening the ruffles I had created on his plain grey cardigan.

I wanted to snap at him for continuing his preaching, tell him vampires were not supposed to wear cardigans…but my tongue had become momentarily stuck to the roof of my mouth.

He was right, I knew he was right. Perttu had always been the henchman to hire, not because he had the power to get a job done, but because he had the brains to work things through. You would be surprised at how many elders ran around without the slightest idea of how to tie their shoe laces.

"The twins will not deal directly with you. It is imperative the Priam doesn't discover they willingly let you escape. I could arrange a neutral pick up location for the girl or if you gave word, we could just pick her up from the hotel you left her in."

They were cunning and powerful, I had to admit it. Two elders against one, and a add a bony henchman to the equation—not good. For a second I felt an odd jump in my insides, it took me a moment to realize it was panic what I was feeling. They were closing in on me, coming on from all sides…

"It is your best choice right now Elder," Perttu edged in a tone soft enough to keep from bordering on pushy.

_It is your best choice…the only way out, the solution to all the problems, _this time it was my inner voice of reason which interjected. _Was_ it the solution? I had been turning myself inside out ever since all of this had started. Bella had made everything a million times worse. Taking her out of the picture would make it all better. I would no longer have unwarranted responsibilities and I would be able to do as I wanted. I would be free…and yet—

"I don't know," I answered honestly, walking back to my spot and sitting down again.

Perttu's eyes widened, "Elder, it is common sense! It is your life, or hers—or actually if you think of it rationally it would be both of you because once they take you, you can be assured they will take her as well."

I nodded silently and continued to watch the passerby traffic. He was right; I knew he was right. This was common sense after all, but…

"Do you need time to make up your mind?" Perttu asked, trying to maintain his grudging tone to a minimum, "Maybe a day?"

The past months flashed before my eyes and I saw again Bella coming in through the Cullen's door in that lonely night. Like Perttu I held my hand to my chest and imagined all the things she had changed in me through that time. A human girl, that was all she had been and yet she had managed so much…

I leaned forward and closed my eyes against the sunlight, the red world engulfed me, "No, it's fine. I can give you an answer now."

* * *

When I entered the shabby hotel two men were on the foyer talking in loud, grating voices. One of them, bearded and short, was holding a brown paper bag, the smell of it seemed familiar.

"Is that edible?" I asked him, making both of them look up at me, their mouths opening to slight o's.

"Y-yeah, it's my dinner," he stammered taking a step back.

I nodded and held out my hand, "It is very nice of you to offer it to me."

Both of them turned to each other with identical confused expressions. It took a small moment before the other man who had bright red hair and pasty white skin nervously punched his friend on the arm who then offered the bag up automatically.

"Enjoy my—I mean your food…sir," he said stepping away further after I took the bag.

I nodded and turned to go up the creaking steps to the third floor. I could hear them begin to talk again in lower tones.

"That was scary man…"

"I know, I thought he was going to take you out."

"Yeah…he had scary eyes, like he would kill me."

Wow. And here I thought I had been polite enough, even friendly. Maybe my people skills still needed some work.

Once I arrived at the door I reached for the knob but stopped. For a second an image of an enraged Bella entered my mind. What if she was angry? Was there anything in there she could throw at me with sharp edges?

The sudden screech of springs ringed loudly in my ears and set my teeth on edge. She was awake and walking if the hollow sounds on the wooden floor were a clue. I had taken her away from her home, quite deliberately too. She had cried as if she had been going through horrible torture just by being in the room. Not to mention the fact that she already had a lousy attitude. If you were to add all of this up it gave you a situation nobody in their right minds would walk into. I sighed heavily and let myself in.

Bella was up by the window with her face plastered to the glass. Her hair was a disheveled mess, just like her clothes. At least she was not crying anymore.

"Close the blinds," I said while wondering if she would lose it any moment. After a while I eyed her quickly and saw that she remained calm. I breathed an inner sigh of relief. It appeared she would not be having a tantrum anytime soon. It was a good thing too; I did not think any of the raggedy pieces of furniture in the room could survive it. Her eyes were on the chair by me that looked on the verge of collapsing. It occurred to me that she was probably thinking in beating me senseless with it when I wasn't looking.

"A man downstairs told me this edible," I muttered giving her the bag, "I wouldn't know."

"So now you're the one feeding me?" she asked. A token of thanks; payback, I wanted to say but kept my mouth shut. I had been aware of how much effort it had taken her to take care of me as she had. Blood, even pigs', was not that easy to come by if you were human. And through it all she had not complained. Well, not out loud and not to me anyways.

I examined the room carefully and managed to keep the look of disgust from my face. Who would actually live in such a rat hole? I went to look out the window at the homeless men below us. It was too bad to be true.

"It's unbelievable this place actually has electricity," she said from behind me.

_It's unbelievable it is still standing_, I wanted to add but kept my mouth shut. It was amazing how much of an effort it had become to remain silent around her. Before, ignoring her pointless prattle had come as easy to me as breathing. Now when she spoke I always felt propelled to respond or add something, otherwise I would become uneasy at the silence that followed. It made me anxious, as if I didn't speak this time she would finally give up on me and no longer speak at all. When she began to ask questions about the trackers I allowed myself to reply, even if I was lying through my teeth through most of her questions.

It was when she came around to sit by me that my mind became slightly muffled. It was too close; I could feel the warmth of her circuiting blood radiate from her body in gentle warmth and her scent was so thick I had to force myself to stop inhaling to keep from looking like an idiot. Her probing brown eyes would drill into me, threatening to break through my lies.

It wasn't until she asked about her father that I faltered. I had dug myself a hole by allowing her to continue the topic, and it didn't help that she had been leaning closer. In the end I could not take it any longer and I had to stand up to clear my head.

Why was it that Bella always found it a necessity to invade my bubble? The girl and I would soon have to have a serious conversation on personal space. But seeing how slow she could be I wondered if she would even understand. Maybe I would get hand puppets to illustrate, or maybe just a rock would be okay.

Me: here

You (toss rock a good mile way): there

I was able to hold through until her eyes began to grow droopy. I sighed in relief as she turned off the lights and lay down on the cot.

"It has been such a long day," she muttered staring up at the ceiling. "I must look like hell."

"You don't look different to me," I shrugged sitting on the floor with my back to the wall.

"That is not a very sensitive thing to say," she complained into the darkness.

"Oh, because we both know I'm such a sensitive guy," I drawled.

Apparently my answer was not pleasing since she sat back up again, "Gabe I think it would help if you socialized more. It would help you grow as a person, you know."

"I'm _dead_ Bella, I'd say my time of growing has passed long ago."

"Still, if you were much more pleasant people would really like you."

I suppressed my immature groan as she got up from the cot and made her way through the dark to sit next to me again. Bubble! She was invading my bubble, damn why didn't she get it? I stopped breathing and tried to ignore her. Perttu had come to mind when she had mentioned socializing. I guess if I were to tell her I was a million times more sociable than before she would have never believed me.

"If you just stopped staring at people as if you wanted to impale them then maybe…" Even in the dark I could see her wide smile. I stared at her amazed. How was it that not too long ago she had been crying as if the world was coming to an end, and now she was so happy? I didn't understand human emotions or how they worked. Or maybe it was just her. She was broken…

I reached over, grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her so that her head bobbed back and forth. I frowned at her as she stared at me in bewilderment with her head cocked completely to the side.

"I assume that had a purpose?" she asked pushing me away but not backing off. Well what do you know; not even manhandling scared the she-devil away.

"You didn't rattle," I explained beginning to feel stupid, "broken things rattle…when they're, you know—broken."

"Gabe," she said kneeling on both of her knees and bowing down to get a better look at my face, "You're an idiot."

"It must come from being around you for so long," I muttered scooting away from her prying eyes. Like a puppy she followed scooting in the dirty floor to resume sitting next to me. I gave her a withering look and she complied by smiling innocently at me, it was unnerving. "Don't you have to go to sleep now?" I snapped annoyed, "Your sweet Edward will miss you if you don't."

It had been the name that did the trick in the span of a second. After it had left my mouth I had known instantly it had been the wrong thing to say. In my head I made a mental note: Edward—bad.

Bella's face had slackened and she had flinched as if I had made a move to hit her. Her wide eyes, which had been alight with humor, became dead in a split second, "What do you mean? Do I…call him in my sleep?"

Even the strangled sound to her voice sounded dead. So I guess I had discovered Bella's off switch: Edward, whoever the hell that was. Apparently the topic was taboo since she hugged her legs to her chest and stayed quiet, staring at the floor. I looked away; suddenly wishing my mouth wasn't so big, or that she wasn't as annoying, then maybe I wouldn't have opened it to begin with. Time went by and an awkward silence followed, or maybe it was only awkward for me since Bella looked like she was off, thinking of a million other things that didn't include this room with me in it.

I wanted to take it back, I wanted to say I was sorry for having it brought up to begin with but I didn't. But I didn't because that was just not who I _was_. I did not apologize and I never took anything back. After a while I stood up and went over to the window to look out into the alley. The homeless men had disappeared and all that was left were black shadows that danced whenever a gale of wind came. I looked up and saw my reflection on the soiled window panes. Once again Michael's ghost stared at me; it would never leave me alone…

"Bella," I called over my shoulder and studying my reflection as I spoke.

It took a while but she finally stood up and came by my side. She looked out too, probably thinking I had seen something.

"Why do people stare at me? Do you know?" I asked looking at the reflection of her face. The reflection looked straight at me; her eyes were not yet back to normal but they had a look of curiosity in them.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…when people look at me, what do they see? What makes them keep looking?"

Bella's reflection looked momentarily surprised but something in my face must have assured her that I was serious.

"They stare at you because you are beautiful Gabe," she said softly. I was taken aback when her expression grew sad, and her eyes turned to avoid mine. "When they look at you, you take their breath away."

I looked away from her reflection to mine and tried to recall all the expressions of all the people who had stared at me on the streets. There had been too many of them…

I turned to Bella and picked her up gently by the waist. She did not utter so much as a word of complain as I took her back to the cot and pushed her to lay on it. She looked up at my face quietly as I towered over her but I had to look away, feeling discontent.

"I have things to do, go to sleep," I said looking briefly at her pale face and turned to go. I managed to keep from banging the door shut behind me as I went out. Once on the hall I walked towards the window at the end of the hall, feeling the frustration settle on my chest like a suffocating pressure.

So beautiful I took their breath away, huh? The Gabriel in the glass gazed disgustedly back at me. It was such a warped image.

_It wasn't me you were seeing_, _was it?_ I wanted to go back and shake her some more. _I'm not beautiful. Who were you seeing?_

Slowly I descended the steps, hearing the pathetic creak of dead wood below my feet. People were coming and going out of the hotel's doors. It made me think of cockroaches, they only came out in the dark anyways. I didn't see any difference from them to humans. Once outside the city noise covered my ears with drones of pointless sound coming from all directions. Like everything else in life it was annoying. I found myself once again yearning for that hole, with the soft earth covering me and muffling all the sound from the outside world.

It was impossible to tune the noise out. The old me would have had no trouble doing it, the old me would have never been aggravated at the fact that a human girl did not see me properly. I didn't know who I was, or who I was becoming. What I did know was that I did want this to stop. I wanted to be able to be in control of my actions again.

So this time I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and tried to reach deep within myself into the place where part of the old me was still intact; just as I had done before when I had given Perttu his answer. After a moment the world went quiet and I could feel a release and dominance. This was what I wanted, I wanted the old me back.

And the old me—the real me, did not apologize or take anything back. So I walked forth and let the darkness of the night take me in.

"_I don't want her, they can have her."_

My final decision fluttered around me like those dancing shadows in the breeze but I kept walking forth, letting them fall behind.

**Whoa, long chapter huh? Okay, damn, this is annoying even me. Not only do I take forever to update but it is still taking a while for the Cullens to make their appearance...I hate me too, you guys are not the only ones. I just don't want to give you guys five page chapters that are shallow and give the point right away. I find that those types of stories are not that enjoyable. But anyhow, Gabe is such a trip. If he was a woman I'm sure he would just be PMSing instead of having so many issues all the time. **


	8. Mute

**Uhh...I could give several valid excuses for why I haven't updated. Except I know many of you don't want to hear them. All I can do is apologize a gazillion times SORRY for not keeping my word. Blackwingy sucks. Flame away.**

Mute

I had taken into walking around without a purpose. All just so that I was at a distance from Bella. I was afraid that being too close to her would let her see how odd I was feeling. I would walk sometimes hours at a time but this time I had a purpose. After a while of walking I came across a store of used clothes. Once I went in the culmination of hundreds of people's scents hit my nose and I staggered back. Though the thirst had weakened me in the past days the scent had been potent enough for me to catch at its strongest. Every scent was unique and did not mix with one another. There were too many together, it was like a crowd of people screaming their names at me. Scents were selfish and strong, they wanted to be noticed, and they wanted to be unique. That was one of the reasons I found Bella's so intriguing. It was definitely noticeable; it would have been the strongest in the place, had a single shirt of hers been here. And it was definitely unique but not because it could stand on its own and make you notice it above all others. It was exceptional because it would surround you—accept you. That was why I had managed to do the Merge so well. Normally I would have had to maintain merging our scents every other day, but Bella's scent accepted mine. It readily surrendered its individuality to envelope mine and make us one. There was nothing in this world quite like it. Or quite like her.

"Can I help you?"

I turned from the aisles of overwhelmingly odorous clothes to a thin, pale woman with sharp dark eyes. Unlike normal people, or what I assumed to be normal anyhow, this woman looked me up and down with appraisal openly, her eyes becoming gradually shrew.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" she asked dryly.

"I am looking for something for a girl," I replied moving clothes idly in the hangers. They all looked the same, it was a surprise I could even dress myself after all this time. Pants, shirt, shoes if necessary; there was not much thought needed in the process. There was also underwear…Bella made it a priority to provide me with the necessities. It was mortifying, especially when she would ask me if they fit or if I was wearing them to begin with. Humiliating was an understatement. I was a vampire, but I had been man once. There was a strong residue of dignity left. Bella usually always knew where it hurt the most. The worst part was that I could only stand there and take it—or wear it. It was either that or beating her to a pulp, something I strangely did not feel like doing nowadays.

"A dress perhaps?" she asked pulling out a random article of clothing from a rack without taking her eyes off me. It was a long dress, black.

"Good enough."

She nodded briefly and began to walk to the register before I realized my pockets were empty.

"I don't have any money," I announced bluntly.

The woman turned slowly and set her shrew eyes back on me, "And what do you want me to do about that?"

"Give it to me," I replied simply. She had asked a question and I had answered it honestly, there wasn't much to it. Except that the woman's stare suddenly turned cold and she returned with a decided stride.

"Oh you come here all tall and prominent. Did you think that just because you are a pretty man I would fall dead in love at your feet and do whatever you want?"

Her eyes were intense as she approached closely, Bella-ish. It made me take a step back—almost. "It is always the same thing with you men. Thinking you are so special just because of your looks."

"You think I'm pretty?" I asked suddenly irritated, "What happened to the good old handsome?"

"Oh, so now you are fishing for compliments?" she snapped, her eyes bulging slightly.

"I don't fish," I replied coldly, snatching the dress from her hands, "and I don't appreciate being called pretty."

The woman's screams for the cops died out in a second after I set off running out of sight a block away from the store. I did not have the patience or the time to be dealing with this. I needed the dress so I borrowed it. Granted, I would probably never return it but stealing was not something I did. I would just take whatever I wanted. There was a difference…in my head anyways, and that's where it mattered. Even so, it didn't take away from the fact that I had just shoplifted. A secret part of me bowed its head in shame.

There was an even bigger part of me that cringed at the very feel of the dress in my hands. I had to stop at the nearest store and get a bag to shove it in. I did not want to see it, touch it. The very idea of it made me feel physically sick. It had been like this for some time. Anything involving Bella was like hit to the gut.

Like shoplifting, this felt like a secret inner shame. The thought of treating her like a juicy piece of fruit that could be tossed around did not feel right. It was mostly because I knew this was entirely my fault. I could have removed the Merge and left Forks. Trackers would have not looked or sniffed at her twice. I had brought her to a dump that called itself a hotel and forced her to remain there with fear for her life. Now that the twins had offered to take her off my back I had jumped at the opportunity, if not gladly, then rationally. It was the smart thing to do. Bella was human; she would die eventually. Why not now? At least she would not have to go through the pains of aging. I heard that was a big deal among human women. I, on the other hand, did not have to die at all. And despite that, I did not know what I wanted to keep living for.

* * *

There were many things I wanted, or at least I thought I did. Perhaps these basic human needs were lost with the endless passage of time. Having an existence based solely on spite was slowly making me much too bitter. To die would make many people happy, which in turn would make _me _unhappy. The very idea of those ancient elders gloating over my dead body made me cringe and turn in a grave I did not have yet. No, I lived for them, not for myself. It was an idiotic existence, but one that made me a teeny bit happy anyways.

Bella's breathing was coming out in shallow gasps as she walked down the nearly vacant sidewalks. The black dress the woman had handed to me had been too big for Bella, and apparently too ugly. I had to admit, it did look like she was about to sprout wings and go caw-caw. Except that doing so would mean possibly having my eyes clawed out.

I wondered if she was even aware of how painful the rapid beating of her heart was to my ears. No, the way her eyes were wide and shiny as marbles let me know that the fear was not in her mind, maybe only the instinctual part of her brain made her body overreact but she was decided and focused. As usual, she was unlike any human I had ever met.

The plan was to leave her at a neutral spot of the twins' choosing. I was to take Bella, without her knowing and drop her off. My head actually ached at the ease with which everything would take place. Bella would follow me without a question and I would lead her to her death, plain and simple. I would then have more time and freedom on my hands to do as I felt like. This surprisingly felt like a type of betrayal on my part. At most, I owed the girl the truth. But to tell her casually, "Hey Bella, I am tired of running and I honestly don't want to die so I am going to give you as a gift to a couple of elder guys you will really like," did not seem like the rational way to go.

I followed stealthily through the shadows as close to her as I dared. The twins were expecting me to send her over by herself. Except that Bella thought I would be behind her every step of the way. At first I had lied to her and claimed I would be by her side. I had had no actual intentions of coming but for some reason as soon as she had headed out, I had been right behind her, watching.

Was I a masochist? Yes—no…maybe.

Did I really want to see her massacred by those morons? Of course—I didn't care.

The crunch of occasional pebbles under her feet grated my nerves. They were like a metronome sound, a count down. Maybe it wasn't so much irritating me as much as it made me anxious. One step, two steps, three; a clock was ticking somewhere down the minutes. I stared intently at her moving steps and her surroundings and failed to notice mine.

"Why are you following the girl?" Perttu asked casually, coming on beside me. It startled me and left me feeling furious, mostly at myself. I was starving to the point that even Bella had noticed. She had been right at my face at the moment, but still, I was weak and famished, my reflexes were compromised.

"I am just going to see some of the action," I lied, stopping dead on my tracks. Bella was a good three blocks away from the meeting point.

_I'm not behind you, idiot girl, _I thought grimly seeing her become farther and farther with every step, _Stop, just stop._

"Oh I see, you just don't want the twins to have all the fun, is that it?" Perttu asked sneering.

"Something like that," I trailed off glaring at her receding back, willing for her to trip and sprain an ankle, break a leg: two blocks to go.

"Run along Gabriel," Perttu said softly while stepping smoothly before my line of sight, "before the twins decide you smell just as tasty."

I didn't move, I did not breath, I just stood there and wished he would be see-through, was she there yet?

"What has she done to you Elder" Perttu suddenly asked in a hushed tone. It was as if he had just discovered I had been infected with a disgusting disease; he went as far as to take half a step away from me. Maybe my new state of mind was contagious.

"I don't know," I answered warily. He had moved slightly, I could see now, one and a half blocks to go. "She is not normal, the Cullens knew her, she probably befriended them."

"The Cullens would befriend a walking ruler if they could," Perttu scoffed, "Those traitors aren't worth the status they carry."

"Do you know where they are?" I asked shoving him to the side just in time to see Bella enter the butcher shop. The rancid, putrid smell of dead blood engulfed her and she was gone. If I had had a heart beat it would have skipped.

"Last time I heard they were at Prague, saving sheep and overdosed brats," Perttu replied glaring at me while straightening his coat free of my touch. "What is it Gabriel, are you about to go join those spineless pricks? Are you going soft—softer _Gabe_?"

Hunger and weakness happens to make me a cranky little vampire, he should have known better. Perttu's neck felt surprisingly thin in my grip but I did not bother to spare him a moment even as I gripped tight and felt the fragile snap.

"Don't call me Gabe," I muttered without bothering to watch him drop.

I could hear Bella's heart speed up.

* * *

I didn't even know how it happened. It would be clichéd to say that everything had happened so fast, but it really had. One moment I had been holding back Andre and Daniel from making Bella into a juicy human filet, the next I had joined forces with them. She was so frail, so small, and her skin, her only protection, was impossibly thin. The cut she got as we pushed her might have been small but in our eyes it was monumental.

The animalistic side of me was taking over. The sudden overwhelming odor of Bella's blood engulfed my nose, mouth, and chest. She was in me, all around. For a split second that seemed to last for as long as my entire lifetime I imagined the feel of having her life force flowing through me, sating the thirst that made my life a living hell. Would it taste as sweet as its smell promised? My body readied itself for the kill and though somewhere in my brain the image of Bella's fearful eyes was being registered I still wanted it. The twins readied themselves by my sides and a fleeting feeling of annoyance gripped me.

Did those low-lives really think I would share her with them? Had I ever really considered doing it to begin with? All three of us knew this was a type of human that only appeared every few decades.

I would not share her.

It had been decided from the moment she had walked in the very first night, I had just been too much of a what? Coward? Was it really the Ban that kept me from taking her, or was it my own weaknesses and shortcomings. Though her brown eyes became wider still with disbelief and panic it only make the hunter in me grow reckless and excited.

"Gabe?" she whispered and in the confined corners of my loosing sanity, I found a spark of recognition. I knew this prey with the scared eyes, they were so brown, so deep, and I knew they held trust, just for me.

Maybe the reason I had reacted the way I had, first by giving her up, then by wishing to kill her myself, and finally by taking the painful blows that were meant for her with a sated feeling of satisfaction, were just to show how much of herself had become rooted in me. Every decision in my life, new and changing, had to do with her. It made me think and it made me feel a whole spectrum of emotions I had thought long gone and pointless, such as shame and remorse. And though I claimed to be angry at the world, I had never been as furious as I became then. I had been about to suck her dry, and they had been about to help me. It was true that they hadn't been forcing me in any way but it was pretty counterproductive to beat up yourself, especially if you already had two punching bags at the ready.

So after tossing Bella out the door like a sack of potatoes, I was free to behave as I wanted, and in retrospect if one was to really think about it, it was her fault I had become so bipolar. She was like a parasite that caused changes in every direction once you came in direct contact. I had gone from caring less about anything, including dying puppies and orphan children in third world countries, to willingly babysitting her. I had officially become a head-case, because it was everywhere. I hated her, I didn't, I wanted to kill her, and in this case I was about to die to protect her. Talk about going back and forth. It was no wonder I hadn't yet become clinically insane.

"You said she was ours," Andre moaned, looking put out. Or was it Daniel? I could never tell which was which.

"I guess cast-outs are really the weakest links, I thought maybe you were the exception," the other one muttered staring sourly at the door which had banged shut after Bella a few seconds before. Like the pair of Siamese twins they were, both turned to stare me down at the same time. It was amusing…and more than a little creepy. They moved the same as well, even if one did happen to move to the left and the other to the right; it was like a mirror.

"The Priam might give us a price just for this, I can't believe we almost passed up on it," one of them said coming slowly from the right.

"Yes, if you smile bright enough they might give you two gold stars instead of one," I muttered taking a step back to steady myself. When they pounced I was prepared.

To be fair the twins did put up a noble fight, I was somewhat proud of them. It wasn't until I had my hands around their necks when they began to realize what laid beyond this little tussle they had first considered "fun". In their eyes, identical as they were, I had become what they had never bothered to acknowledge in the reflecting eyes of their victims: a monster seeing only blood. I had always been aware of my needs, of the usual need to kill, but it had come as something natural, unnecessary of any kind of ceremony. Of course playing with your food could be fun from time to time but decades of doing it made it monotonous after a while.

It had taken a while but all of a sudden I could enjoy it again; their panicky breathe, the bulging of their eyes or the pointless thrashing of limbs, all to try to get away. It was futile, because the more they lost control the more I gained it. I couldn't drink their blood but I could certainly enjoy watching it gush out.

Who was this Gabriel so Full of rage and joy of the kill? Had we met before? Perhaps he had been my past counterpart when I had been you and the idea of the kill still enthralled me.

"G-Gabe-uh," the last standing twin gurgled in the moment before I managed to collapse his ribcage with my both hands. The sharp snaps of the bones sounded both fluid and grotesque. It had been much more vicious than I had done to his brother. It seemed the red film of murder-lust became much more potent as time wore on.

"Don't call me Gabe," I finally said, dropping him on top of his brother. My voice sounded rough and hollow to my ears. There was a tingling in my hands, face and chest; anywhere where their blood had fallen. A burning in my brain kept me alert and slightly euphoric. I remembered this, it had been so long but it had been a sweet return. It was a confusing surge of emotions where fury and happiness were one and the same. I found myself looking around for more, I looked around in search of movement; anything would have done: another Elder, an unsuspecting walk-in—a cat. Anything. I just wanted to kill again. Maybe it would have successfully drowned a nagging voice in my head whispering that somebody was waiting for me—somewhere.

It did not matter, I had to feed, and I had to kill because it just felt so good. It could become my reason for living. I could finally have one.

_She is waiting,_ I thought randomly and felt extremely disoriented. The thought seemed to trigger something that suddenly held me back. For a moment the room appeared to tilt and I thought my feet would leave the floor. There were colors all around me like a kaleidoscope, mostly different shades of angry red. My chest contracted as the odor of their fresh blood, which had had my mouth watering a minute before, suddenly made me gag. It had felt so good; I did not want the feeling to leave. It had been a sort of homecoming where I had clearly known who and what I was. I tried to hold on to it but it was amazingly fleeting. I brushed a hand over my face and felt a tremor going through it. It was as like a gradual detox that left me bandy legged and breathless.

Even as I wanted to lay down on the cold floor and feel the world turn below me my head kept telling me that somewhere out there somebody was waiting, probably crying and scared; somebody with big trusting brown eyes.

_I'm sorry,_ I thought suddenly feeling drained and exhausted, _I think I forgot you for a moment._

If it hadn't been for the fact that she might come back for me I would have never moved. I would have remained standing in that spot searching for the feeling that was already slipping faster than water. The mere idea of Bella returning and seeing what I had done was enough to actually make me look at the immobile bodies of my enemies with regret. There were slashes of blood on the floors and walls; pooling around their bodies. If she saw this, if she realized what I had become…

It had been gradual, just like everything else, but I finally realized I really cared what she thought or felt. I cared if she lived and I cared if she cried. I cared for her in general. It had been partly her fault why the massacre of the twins had been possible in this manner. I wanted to protect her but along the way my motive had been lost and I had been dragged into the crazed state a kill could bring. She made me unnecessarily dangerous and merciless, more than usual, anyways.

I'm glad I could point fingers.

As I pushed the door and entered the world of the living I received a sharp slap on the face by a cold gust. The symbolism wasn't lost on me. I didn't belong here and I knew that but I had already found the lingering scent and decided to follow it. I was forcing myself upon this world that didn't want me. I would back off and beg mercy by digging a hole for myself, a pathetic and sad way to go. I had done that already and it hadn't turned out so well. Just this once, I wanted forgiveness to walk in this world and be part of it. Ridiculous as it may be, I wanted to be validated as more than just one great killer.

It was pure madness and I didn't understand it one bit as Bella finally came to view and her face lit up like a light bulb. There was this big smile on her face and I knew I had been right to think she would have gone back for me. The idiot…

When she started running for a wild moment I thought she would jump up and hug me. Weird thought, huh? No one in their right mind would do that, go up to a monster who not only had kidnapped her, but had almost swallowed her whole, and then hug him. Not only hug, but also then believe they had a need to apologize.

But it happened; she jumped and I almost gave a girlish shriek of surprise to feel her light arms cling themselves on me all of a sudden. She cried and said sorry, for what exactly I wasn't so sure. What I did know was that her light body swirled with her scent and mine: the Merge. She was so happy to see me and something inside me, probably that damn growing conscious (if I could strangle it, I would) gnawed at me mercilessly. I wanted to hold her, but I also wanted to toss her away to the North Pole, somewhere extremely far. Preferably somewhere she would freeze into an iceberg and never be able to bother me again.

"Bella," I said, trying to push her away with enough gentility to keep myself from pushing her too harshly.

_Stop touching me_, I wanted to whine, _how would you like it if your food came purring to you begging to be petted?_

"Your blood is still fresh," I lied through gritted teeth. Her brown eyes opened with slight panic but it left, only to be replaced with amusement.

"Oh yeah, sorry," she piped.

"Next time you jump at me like that, give me a warning," I tried to say harshly but it came out sounding tired. This day had gone to the dogs.

"You look awful," she said happily.

"Yeah, and you are quite the beauty queen," I snapped back suddenly feeling like this was somehow a battle I was loosing. I had come to realize that this was a usual part of my time with Bella. It was a verbal give and take both of us never ceased to stop. At first it had annoyed the hell out of me. It felt as if every time she had the last word she had beat me in some way. Which was why I had broken my constant silence and began speaking freely with her. Now it just felt natural, in an annoying, loosing kind of way. If it was childish I didn't care. In its own way it was redeeming; I spoke, she listened and replied. My words weren't being lost.

"We're fine, there's no need for that," I heard Bella say, and I realized I had been spacing out. Wow, great vampire technique…it was no wonder I had survived for so long.

"Are you sure, maybe I could call your parents?" an old man was saying. He reached over and touched her. It was enough for all three of our scents to mesh together and rile me. Three really was a crowd.

There were people crowding around us, all with the same pitying look of kind strangers. They would willingly help Bella. I could see it in the way her battered state made them all warm and fuzzy, even protective.

There were others out there much more capable than I to watch over her. It was a reality I was well aware of but the man's possessive touch made me suddenly unbearably insecure in the face of all these disgustingly, self-less strangers.

"She said there is no need, lets go Bella."

It was hard trying to keep my grip on her steady so that my hand wouldn't crush hers. I could feel my body slowly loose the adrenaline it had gained from the kill. I had to get her somewhere safe before I could go and feed properly. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to protect anybody, not even myself.

"I'm glad you're alive Gabe," she said, her voice suddenly weak and I knew she was fading. Her words had caused my insides to shrivel in a feverish second. Would it had really been okay for me to turn to her and pretend that nothing in me had ever been broken, that it was fine to keep going as we were? Telling her the feeling was mutual would have been true, but synonymously deceiving. I wasn't alive.

"Good for you," I forced myself to say and noticed her drowsy eyes. I reached for her a split second before she finally fainted. She had lasted this long, definitely impressive.

There were words that I had held back, mostly because I knew they were pointless to say. Aside from asking her to forgive me, there was a selfish request that hung on the tip of my tongue. It was something I didn't deserve, or even had the right to ask.

"Can I keep you?" I asked her hoarsely, feeling my chest tighten. Her eyes didn't even flutter so I knew I was okay. There would be no reply.

The words could remain unspoken.

* * *

If my soul were to have been an object, it would have been a black glass vase, broken into thousands of tiny shards. I took all those shards and laid them out for Bella to see that night. In a way to say, "Look how damaged I am. You will only cut yourself if touch me or try to put me back together."

My shinny, new conscious finally made me decide we had reached a fork in the road. I could have kept lying to her and make her follow me blindly, or I could simply tell her the truth and save me the trouble of pushing her away willingly. I tried to spare no truth in telling her who I really was, and what I was capable of. In a way I wanted for her to realize on her own the state I had left the twins in. I killed everyone without remorse or second thought. That in itself was a one way ticket to the flesh-melting hole I knew hell was. Why did she refuse to see this? I knew she claimed to know, but did she really? If she was completely aware, then why wasn't she cringing away from me in the dark and running for her life?

She didn't get it; there was a blind spot where I was concerned. As to why it was there all I could guess was that she had somehow grown fond of me. Weird.

Even in the darkness I could see her wide eyes staring right through me. The truth I had finally let out was a pink elephant in the room, but maybe Bella and I were living in different dimensions because her room was probably only filled with bubble gum and rainbows. I bet if she saw the pink elephant she thought it was part of the décor. I didn't understand why everything had to be so easy for her, so happy-go-lucky.

"_Oh you are a killer, really? You could smother me with a pillow during my sleep? Oh Gabe, you silly, you." _I truly believed this was how her mind worked.

After a while I knew it was pointless. The words leaving my mouth didn't send her running. On the contrary: her hand had become snuggly entangled with mine.

Human contact was a scary thing. It felt fragile and warm, like a flame you were holding but would go out at any given moment. The panic from holding it came from the knowledge that you could do the smallest thing to make it go out, but you were completely powerless to keep it forever alive. That was human life.

"You are very warm," I said, mostly in awe to myself. There had been several times when I had touched her, but never this long. I was petrified and exhilarated at the same time.

"That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me," she laughed. Her slight movement caused for me to touch a pulsing vein in her thin hand. In my mind I pictured a flickering, dancing flame that pulsed. Even if this night of baring my secrets in their entirety had really been a waste, at least I had gotten this. I was grateful she was foolish and willing enough to stay there with me, holding my dead hand. But I was also scared.

I closed my eyes trying to hold the breath I no longer took and forced myself to be completely still. I was broken glass. I was afraid that if I moved, even a little bit, I would make her bleed.

* * *

I looked for the girl all night. It was like I was on a trance that wouldn't fade. I was a man on a mission. I had to find her, she was out there somewhere. I knew she was the answer to all my problems. Every dilemma I had—well, not all, but some, would fade. She was the key.

The sky was the darkest shade of lilac when I finally saw her. She was getting out of a taxi with two elder people in front of an hotel. Her laugh echoed in the silence of the night but she muffled it with her hand. I could see suitcases being taken out and the two companions walked off in the tired gait their age demanded. The girl stayed behind to pay the driver and supervise the bellboy.

I could feel slight warmth of incoming sunlight but this had to be done.

I went forward and stopped her before the revolving doors of the hotel. The bellboy had gone in first and no one was looking back. The surroundings were dead as well. Her brown eyes widened in terror at the last minute but they flickered off and she slumped in my arms. And still no one looked. I really was a stealthy monster.

Her passport was not that hard to find, she had placed it in the inside pocket of her heavy coat for easy access and safekeeping. I gently laid her on the cold concrete and rushed off. I was a good mile away before I managed to hear the commotion of people's alarmed cries at the sight of her unconscious body. Camille Williams would live, she had just been unlucky enough to look a little bit like Bella. There were certain perks of course. Her face was rounder and her eyes weren't as big as Bella's but it would do. Her passport felt extremely solid in my hand. I gripped it tightly—_too_ tightly, but knew it wouldn't fade, just like my lies.

I thought of Bella's happy face when I would tell her I was taking her to the Cullens. It only served to give me mixed emotions. This was the only safe solution I had come up with. If Bella, like the blockhead that she was, still refused to properly see vampires as they should be, then maybe I just had to give in and allow her the fantasies. Only I knew I wasn't the right one for her to lay all those misconceptions on. I would only end up disappointing.

For a while I meandered in the city knowing I was spacing out but it really didn't matter. I had to hold on to this conviction, this resolution I had come to once she had fallen asleep and kept on breathing in and out innocently. She really did trust me and I had been her sole enemy all along. I couldn't do this anymore. It was wrong, and what was more: I knew it. I kept holding on to her, maybe because I needed an anchor but I had to stop making this all about me. It was time to let go and go dig myself another hole.

After the morning had arrived I forced myself to head back. In the hotel my legs got heavier with every step. I didn't want to go but eventually I found myself before the door of our room. I leaned on it and laid my feverish forehead to the cool wood. Once I went in I knew it would be over. I would hand her over to the Cullens, those animal-sucking pansies. Vomit.

It was a delicate balance that had long been tipped. On one side it was Bella's warm hand, on the other it was my cold, killing one. Guess which one was winning?

Even so, I still wanted to ask. Just be selfish one more time even though I knew the answer would no longer matter. So I did it again, in my head before going in. I closed my eyes for a moment and saw last night's Bella holding my hand through the darkness again; that Bella smiled and said yes.

For now, for somebody like me, that was more than enough. The fantasies were easier to deal with, because they didn't bleed. But I could hear Bella moving inside and I knew this imaginary answer in my imaginary world was a pathetic simulation of what the real thing might be like. I didn't deserve real palpable things.

I opened my eyes and the door. I belonged in a hole, not a fantasy world.

She was not mine to keep.

**How about I stop giving promises I usually break? The one and only that matters is that I will NOT leave this story unfinished. So for those few who still read this, sorry again. And I'll definitely be back. **


	9. Clueless

**Heh...so yeah, I'm back after who knows how long. SORRY!! So sorry, I really am. I wanted to give you guys a Christmas present like many of you asked for, but it ended up being a New Year's one for some reason. Anywho, for those few who still read this, enjoy and I will definitely be updating before February. Seriously, not kidding here.**

Clueless

No one can really fault me for what happened in Prague. Granted, I could have handled the situation better but I blame…well, I actually have officially run out of people to point the finger at. Bella's always a safe choice but this time I went a little overboard. Or at least I felt my actions were rather extreme—and that is saying something.

I am a perfect being after all.

It all began on the beautiful morning we were on our way. I almost pushed Bella into the aircraft with blunt force and ignored her crocodile tears as the flight attendant passed her a bag of peanuts. Maybe her tantrum before the flight had been an actual cry for help. If it was, then it went over my head. I really didn't get it. I would have tried my best to accommodate her but her whining was hard to comprehend. I also tried to be quite tactful too; I leant her my pillow on the flight so that she could sleep…or I could get my hands off it so I wouldn't smother her with it. Either way, I behaved better than usual, but she was too caught up with her sulking to even begin appreciating how caring I was behaving.

"I don't like cold weather," she was mumbling as we got out of the airplane.

"I'll buy you a sweater." I muttered back under my breath, steering her by the elbow as we exited the aircraft. There was a horde of people coming to and fro. I could see Bella eyeing them, possibly thinking she could lose me in them.

"Don't even think about it," I warned her under my breath, "I will buy you a leash if you try it."

Thankfully she took the threat to heart because she stopped struggling and bit her lips shut. Once on the outside I could see a heavy darkness descending even though it was still quite early. Taxis were lined up on the curb, waiting for potential passengers. I led Bella to one and practically threw her in. I got in after her and slammed the door after me. The driver glared through the rearview mirror, but I only looked away. His hurt feelings were the least of my concerns. Something was wrong with me.

My hands were shaking and my arms felt very stiff. I could feel my attention wandering, even though there weren't any coherent thoughts in my head, and I felt very jumpy. There weren't any bounty trackers after us, or none that I could sense at the moment. Bella was next to me, not dead or worse—crying. My senses were feeling more heightened than usual and I could hear my heart beat quicken along with my shaking hands. I balled my hands into tight fists and tried to hide them by my sides. I didn't need Bella to see I was feeling so insecure. Already my heart was like drum, so loud and sharp in my ears…

I blinked and stared at my reflection in the darkened window.

_I'm dead…_

I looked at Bella's reflection through the glass and frowned. It was not my warm beating heart that I was hearing—it was hers. It was her growing panic, not mine. I was not sure if it was the reflection, but she was looking paler than usual. Her hands were grasping nervously on her lap like mine only she wasn't attempting to hide them.

I wanted to ask what was wrong, perhaps she had lied to me and she was not really a friend to the Cullens, but an enemy, and she was afraid—except I didn't think for a second that was the case. The Cullens were freaks—Bella was a freak: weirdoes like them could only gravitate towards one another. For her and the driver the passed minutes were silent and dry, but for me they were a torture. I could hear every flare of fear, every small sigh of resignation coming from her. It set my teeth on edge even more than before. I could still not contain my hands and I did not know why.

Were Bella's feelings getting to me? Normally I would have been able to ignore her heartbeat and poor attitude, but was she somehow causing my unease?

I wanted her to talk to me—hell; I wanted the driver to talk to me. Anybody would have been fine, just so that the silence would break.

"_So how are you liking Prague?_" I was about to ask but bit my tongue. I was an Elder and Elders didn't start small talk. The road was so rackety and rough we kept bumping each other, which would make her flinch for some reason. After it would happen she would push herself deeply to the corner of her seat until there would be another rough movement that would push her up. It was at that very moment when I realized she was angry with me.

Funny, you would have thought her constant glares through teary eyes would have given me a clue but no…why was she so upset, and why at poor little old me? I had done everything to keep her content and safe. Where was the endless gratitude and gentle submission I rightly deserved? I missed the old group of young minions I had once had control over: they never pouted at me.

Even before the taxi came to a complete halt I was already pulling Bella out of the door. She had stopped struggling now and her body had grown stiff as a board instead. I turned to her and saw her eyes wide and bright—scared but hopeful. I looked away and kept dragging her on. What was she thinking of? She had been angry and reluctant, hadn't she? Why was she suddenly so expectant now? It made my insides turn. I couldn't understand why she was being so emotional because of the Cullens…

The quaint hotel I had chosen stood plain and gloomy in the growing darkness. I could have taken her straight away to the Cullens but somehow this seemed like a better idea. I was being polite; nobody appreciated visits so late in the day, right? And yeah, it was only going to be five in the afternoon but Bella was probably jetlagged. I was thinking about her. It wasn't like I wanted to keep her with me until the very last moment. It really wasn't. I just liked going to new places and meeting new people: I'm social like that.

"One room, please," I told the woman behind the counter and handed her the money without being asked. The people at the airport had been very useful to me.

If I had been able to blush my shame would have been displayed for everybody to see. Bella didn't know up to what extremes I went to keep her clothed, fed and with a roof over her head. I had gone beyond shoplifting to petty pick pocketing. My honest parents and ancestors were probably turning their shriveled selves in the grave.

"I thought we were going to the Cullens," Bella whispered, bobbing on the balls of her feet behind me. There was a hint of expectancy in her voice that took me by surprise as much as the look in her eyes had. I refused to look at her. I was confused, she didn't want to be here…she didn't want to be with them, or at least that was what she had been harping about the entire time. Had she been lying? She did not want to leave me...she had been upset for that, right?

"I don't know where they are," I lied and felt a sudden surge of guilt. That was surprising at best: I _always_ lied and never cared for the most part, but lying to her suddenly felt wrong.

I was reminded of the time when my insides would feel heavy like lead every time I would lie to Michael. It had been quite some time ago, back in the time when he still had had a strong hold over me. Bella now had a little of that hold, and it angered me a bit that I had been weak enough to give it to her.

There were just so many different lights to this spectrum. I was angry at her for suddenly wanting to leave me, angry at my self for being angry in the first place, and just frustrated I didn't not know how to manipulate the situation to get what I wanted. Very confusing.

As I climbed up a set of rackety stairs with dirty carpeting I held myself back from running in full speed away from her. If she saw my face and eyes would she realize how much I didn't want her to go? I was an idiot for being so divided. It had been so much easier to ignore her crying.

"What do you mean you don't know?" she asked rushing up the stairs behind me. I was amazed at how fast she had ran up without hurting herself, normally she would hooked one foot with the other. That had actually happened in the airport, only it had been in the electric escalator. I never figured out exactly how she managed it. One moment she had been standing on a moving step below me, and the next she had somehow ended up sprawled below on the lower stairs. I had to collect her before the smooth machinery ate her hair. On a scale from one to ten in the idiocy scale that hit a twenty, how did you fall in those steps? All you had to do was _stand still_.

"I mean I don't know," I mumbled back as we entered the room. The musty smell of the room struck my face like a thick stinking gust of wind. It was disgusting. I walked over to the tall windows to see the street view. When had they changed the frilly, ancient curtains, the seventeen hundreds? I fingered the faded crimson suede material and for some reason it reminded me of a small villa in Florence. Only its curtains had been new and smelled nice—like their owner.

It had been a human woman. She had stood by my side at that time too. I stared at the curtain and wondered if this was a type of sensory thing of the brain that had suddenly triggered past memories. Memories centuries old…it was odd; I never remembered my victims, but I could remember this woman with sad honey eyes and rich jet-black hair that had felt like warm silk when I had gripped it. It was amazing how I could suddenly recall this, and for a second it was not Bella's floral scent mixed with mine that I smelled but a sweet resin-like one; the dark-haired woman's.

That had been a long time ago, I could not even recall her entire face or name. She had loved me, but that had not been unique—many human women had. Love was not the type of thing I would have taken pains of cultivating in them. Mostly I simply did what was needed in order for them to go willingly with me to a dark corner. If they would begin with their odd fancies I would humor them until we were alone long enough for me to drain them.

I turned to Bella and for a second my memory interacted with reality, but it did not last long. Bella would never look at me the way that woman had back then…or beg for me to stay as the woman had. "Prague is a big place, all I knew was that they were here."

"Well, you could have told me you didn't know to begin with!" Bella's eyes were wide with despondency she fought to mask with anger…anger at me.

The heavy guilty feeling in my insides lessened slightly as my anger escalated. Suddenly it felt satisfying to have lied to her. The idea of UPSing her in bubble wrap to the Virgin Islands to keep her farther from the Cullens passed through my head.

"Stop staring, it's rude," she snapped sourly, which made me realize I had been spacing out too long debating if she was worth paying priority shipping for.

"I thought you didn't want to go to Carlisle, but now you do?" I finally forced myself to ask.

"Yes—I mean no, I don't!" she gushed flustered. A flood of blood rushed to her face as she blushed and looked away from me.

"You either do or you don't, make up your mind!" I snapped.

"I don't! I want to leave this place; I don't want to see the Cullens! I don't want to be protected, I just want to leave!" she yelled and angry tears spilled down to the dusty carpet below. I wanted to believe she was not lying, but I just didn't understand her—I never had. The way her mind always worked was beyond me. That was why I felt I could never trick her as I had with all those past women; I just didn't know how she would react. Like now: did she want to leave or not?

I guess we were alike after all, Bella and I. Neither of us knew what we really wanted.

In my case, I did but my desires were very convoluted: I wanted to leave her behind safe but I didn't want her to want me to. Was I being selfish? Yes?

Well, in my case was permissible: I'm perfect, all those past women can attest to it.

"That is too bad, but I don't care what you want," I lied, resolute in being practical on the matter. "Taking you to the Cullens is the only way for you to stay alive."

I had brought it upon myself by giving her a way out. In the beginning it had seemed the most rational, perfect way of going through with this. If it had been so simple and straightforward why was I here yelling lies at her when I could have just taken her to them immediately? It was my greatest fear she would see right through me and realize how weak she was making me. My growing emotions were taking control of me. This was all so new. I was not used to being upset when a clumsy, big-mouthed girl wanted to leave me—then again, I did not know of others who did.

"The Cullens won't want to protect me, it's no use."

Bella's face grew pale and the girl I first saw entering the Cullen's home that painful night long ago took her place, sad and lonely. I realized she was truly lying to me, it had been obvious with her dumb responses, but I could finally tell.

When I asked her about her relationship with the Cullens matters only got hazier. It hurt her to talk about them; it hurt my pride to mind. With Bella I could care or not, a mixture of both was making me bipolar.

"They just left, nothing happened. I just don't want to go to them, can't you get that?" she was saying.

Caring was complicated, and I obviously couldn't keep her. She wouldn't want it and I would not force it upon her so I let the lies fly out of my mouth. Like this my growing resentment would be covered with my practicality, "No, but like I said, it doesn't matter. You are still going to them; I don't want you with me."

The woman of the sad eyes…in my forgotten memory she had been unique to me, not because of her beauty or enticing blood. Back then I had toyed with her until the end, but it was now that I remembered how empty her eyes had become after I had told her I would be leaving the town without her (that was because I had been about to kill her, but she did not know that).

It was as if everything that lighted her up from the inside had died. It made me sad to think back on it now, even though I had not had the ability to feel empathy for her back then. Now, looking at Bella it felt like dejavu, her brown eyes usually lighted with some kind of heated emotion, suddenly went out. It made my mouth gap slightly in panic and take a step towards her, what exactly had I said? And how could I start taking it back?

"You are a heartless monster, you know that? It is no wonder you are alone," she suddenly spat, taking me aback. Her eyes were no longer empty, but wrathful. She was possessed, "Even if you didn't want to be alone, I'm sure no one would want to be with you!"

Whoa…

Okay, let me say it again—whoa.

The step I had taken forward I wanted to take back. It was like she had slapped me square on the face without moving an inch. Everything she had said was clichéd when applied to me. Yet, it sounded so new and biting coming out of her mouth. It made me wonder if it was true. I mean, I _knew_ it was, it just came as an unpleasant surprise to discover she felt the same way.

"The same thing can be said about you girl, you are unbearable," my mouth moved automatically before I could stop it.

It was the instinctive defensive mechanism talking. I guess that was a synonym for my pride.

"Well, I might be unbearable but at least I am not bitter to the bone," she replied acidly.

"Even if I am bitter, it is better than being a selfish brat."

_Shut up, shut up, shut up!_ My inside voices of reason—the bad and the good—warned me.

"I am not selfish!"

What was happening? Why were we fighting? This was not like our usual give and take I had grown accustomed to. Somehow all my lies could not be stopped, mostly because everything she was saying felt like a sharp stab.

In a split second I could finally recall the woman's pretty face so long ago as I had reached for her in the end. She hadn't looked at me with her empty eyes anymore, only gave a humorless chuckle before I bit her.

_The very devil himself would comfort me if he saw how sad you are making me…_

Those had been her last words, and in a way a devil did hold her, but I had casted her aside once the last drop had fallen. Back then I had found that ironic, now it made me melancholic. This disgusting feeling that made me feel no bigger than a pea, was it love? I didn't get what was so great about it. All it did was make me angry and powerless. Enough was enough, I could not allow myself to care for, or somehow _love_ a mere human girl.

I walked forward until I had driven her against the wall. She was human—my prey. From the beginning that was all she had been. This had to stop; _I_ had to put a definite stop to this. I inhaled deeply and leaned forward to get a peek at her jugular. I could do this. I didn't even have to drink from her, so the Ban would not be able to stop me. All that I had to do was lean down and take a bite, just one. I heard her breath rasp harsh against my ears and I made the mistake of looking at her face. Pure fright seemed to radiate from her. It made me hesitate for a nanosecond, but I didn't let myself stop completely. I convinced myself that her terror was good; it helped. She was playing her part of scared victim splendidly. The least I could do was play mine.

"You _are_ selfish, all you think about is about what you want, what you need," I heard myself begin. Finding myself in a roll I decided to dig deeper, "You say you care for your father? If you really had, you would have never let me get as close as I did. You did it all for you, we are in this situation because of you and your idiotic ways.

"Now I am here, in a disgusting city I hate just to keep you alive and yet it is not good enough for you," my voice sounded distance to my ears and her pale face, a face I had grown fond of mostly when it smiled, grew slack and empty. My insides were beginning to grow cold and I knew I was loosing my steam. I hit the wall behind her to snap myself out of it. This had to be done with. The life I had created for Bella and me these past few months had been—different, not unpleasant, but it was causing far too many complications. I cared for her, but it was like a panther wanting to be near a small dove. It was too odd; it just didn't belong. If truth were told, I hated the way I was around her, weak and thoughtless. Her tears made me feel more of a tyrant than all those past women with their broken hearts had.

"I am tired of this," I finally forced myself to say, "I just despise your kind: it makes me sick."

When she pushed me I was far from prepared. Bella had never used force against me in any way, except to throw heavy objects at me. Even so, she had never acted as she did then, looking as if she truly wanted to pound me.

_I didn't make her fear me_, I realized suddenly, my body freezing in its spot.

I had made her hate me.

Somehow the two did not seem to be the same to me. One was worse than the other. Once again confusion overtook me and my desires imploded within me. I wanted for her to fear me, that would make the kill easier…but I did not want her to hate me. I never thought it possible for Bella to hate me. Her bright eyes were too sincere, especially when they looked at me. I had taken her carefree affection for granted.

_You can't prey upon her without deserving her hate,_ the wise side of my brain whispered at me. _You really are an idiot, why don't you ever pay attention to me? If you had you would have shut your damn trap from the beginning…_

I fought to silence my thoughts. They were not very helpful. Bella was yelling at me once more but I had lost my train of thought and spaced out again.

"…that is what you want, right?" she finished, breathing hard. I felt nonplussed, what had she said? She wanted my agreement on something.

_She's a woman,_ my head began again, _just tell her what she wants to hear…_

"Right…" I agreed with a feeling of foreboding. Somehow I felt that my voice of reason was wise about many things, but dealing with women was not one of them. A single look at Bella told me I had stuck my foot in my mouth again.

"You know what? Let me be _self-less_ for once and be the one to leave you alone. It is the least I can do after all, you won't have to see me again!" she looked as if she was about to start crying again, but I never found out since she walked out the door in a rush and closed it with a bang.

"Wait," I told the door stupidly, feeling like I had just missed something important, "What just happened?"

* * *

_She is gone…she left…she ran the hell away, _the useless voice in my head piped up. It had been almost an hour and I continued to gape at the closed door while sitting weakly on a rickety, old chair. I had done it: I had finally gotten rid of her somehow. No more problems and confusions, no more unwelcomed feelings. It was still unclear how it had come about, but there was no reason to question it, right? What was done couldn't be undone.

I leaned forward and covered my face with my hands. Even so, I felt…I _still _felt. I had thought that with her gone I would have regained my stoic self back. But it was not to be, just the opposite. There were new feelings that exploded in me like excruciating supernovas. I was not equipped to deal with them, especially since I couldn't remember when I had last felt like this.

I felt _sad_. Bella's departure had left me feeling miserable—and _lonely_. Incredibly lonely… Just like an abandoned puppy. I, Gabriel, had been turned into a yelping puppy.

"Where did my dignity go?" I groaned into my hands. There had to be a hole somewhere in this vast world deep enough to forget myself in.

"I wanted this," I said to myself, looking up at the empty room. "I did want this…all along I wanted some peace and quiet…"

Her lingering smell, mixed with mine, mocked my words and the muffled sounds of the hotel disrupted my quite solitude.

"The devil would hold me too, if he saw me right now," I muttered pathetically, sinking back on the chair. Now was not the time to experience depression; I had to make plans. I could leave the city this very night and put a greater distance between the coming hunters and me. But even now, the idea of running seemed too tedious. There seemed no point to it anymore. Why run? They would eventually catch up, they always did. I supposed the only reason I had been so motivated before was because…I had been very resentful. The idea of living out of spite had been what drove me. Then Bella had arrived with her disgusting pigs blood, and made me develop nasty things like _feelings_. Protecting her became the priority next to keeping myself alive.

Maybe…I was just being stubborn. I did not want to give into the idea that I had...I had…began to "love" a human girl. The mere idea had been repulsive, and I had pushed her away because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't remember if I had ever loved a woman before. At some point in my human life I must have had a wife, but I just couldn't remember.

'_I'm going to go after her, aren't I?'_ I thought warily, sighing in resignation and standing up. I went over to the curtains and pushed them wide open, releasing a gust of moldy dust. Pushing the ancient window open, I let the fresh night breeze filter my heated thoughts. The air brought me the ability to accept and calm my brand new feelings. It also awakened my anger and sense of urgency.

It seemed like I was no longer the only immortal out in the city for the hunt tonight. The scent of other vampires made my nostrils flare. How many were there? Five? Six maybe? I had been too busy moping like a newly dumped boyfriend to even remember Bella could be in danger.

Yeah…like that was new.

I leaned out the windowpane and looked at the dull floor below. If was to jump and go after her…this would be it. There would be now going back, no more complaining about how much of a mess I had gotten into. This would be the final and epitome action of stupidity on my part. To give up my old self, my solitude and build a new life where things like feelings and having a girl pick my underwear for me were okay.

I jumped because there was nobody around who could tell me it was the wrong thing to do…and also because I was going to do it anyway.

* * *

I was a man on a mission, I was a man with a goal in sight…I was a man without a clue.

Seriously, I had somehow lost Bella's scent. I kept getting a whiff of it on the air, but it would turn out to be a dead end once I would discover it was just my own scent being thrown back at me by the night breeze. The idea of the Merge suddenly seemed like the most foolish idea. What idiot had thought this up?

I ran through zigzags of old buildings but I could not catch a break. It was as if the too-narrow streets had swallowed her up. There was a sour taste under my tongue. I began to wonder if that was what desperation tasted like. More than an hour had passed—I hadn't moved fast enough. I ran down an abandoned street and suddenly could sense her. Not just smell our mixed scent, though I could definitely catch a small trace, but I could feel her presence. It was as if I was in a dark room and she was sleeping somewhere close by.

"Bella?" I called out turning in my spot to look at all the dark nooks and crannies she could be squatting in, "Come out Bella, I am not in the mood to play hide-and-seek with you."

Silence was my only companion.

"Uh, I'm not angry or anything," I added awkwardly, remembering she was not a great fan of my attitude. "I feel very caring and…whatnot, so I won't be strangling you today."

No answer, it made my feeling of relief to melt away leaving the nasty taste in my mouth again. So she was not here after all.

It was true that the street did not look different from the others but Bella had definitely been here at some point. I leaned down on the side curb, touched the concrete and pretended there was lingering warmth where she had once been. Guilt gnawed at me, had she been waiting for me to come and get her back? Or maybe she had been glad to be rid of me…she had walked out of the room for a reason. If that was the case, I still had no idea what it was.

Even so, it finally became clear she had not been here for a while. It was like a phantom Bella left behind to taunt me. Okay, so I was slow to catch up mentally. I had never gone through any of this, couldn't I just catch a break? I followed the empty street, hoping her scent would become stronger the further I went, but it was not to be. The curbside seemed to have been an isolated hotspot of her lost presence. I kept meandering without a clear goal, except maybe in search of a small ray of hope. The other vampires were out there, moving either single or in packs. Their movements were paused, as if they were stationary in a single area, not running around excited for a kill. That led me to believe that either they had been here before our arrival, or they had not become aware of my presence yet.

Either way, I wasn't taking any chances. Bella had no means of protecting herself. I walked on until I reached a moderately busy street. There were people standing in clumps or by themselves, wearing hoods and questionable facial expressions.

A woman appeared out of nowhere by my elbow, bringing my progress to an unwelcomed halt.

"Hallo hübscher Junge. Was sind Sie ganz allein tuend?" she reached for my arm and linked hers through it. Her grey eyes stood out through the heavy black makeup on her eyes. Her mouth was very red too…I wondered why Bella never used make up. Not that she needed to, she was fine without it. The woman got closer and her warm blood made me lightheaded for a second, "Möchten Sie mit mir heute Abend spielen?"

I sighed and gently peeled her off me. My German was rusty but I could still catch the gist of it. I looked warily at the busy street. Bella was somewhere, probably getting sucked dry, and I had landed myself in the middle of a Red Light district. I really had no sense of direction.

It had been a mistake to go somewhere really populated. Not only did the hundreds of smells disorient me, but apparently I also looked like a good prospective customer; there were other women now collecting with the grey-eyed one. They all had a predatory look not unlike a bounty tracker. I got a cold feeling of foreboding all over. Women were scary in packs.

"I'm looking for somebody," I told them with a dry mouth, and fought the urge to take a step back like I wanted. "Maybe you have seen her? She is short…has dark hair and eyes…no?"

_You are a strong, capable and fast Elder, _my voice of reason suddenly whispered to me, _In this sort of situation…you run—you run the hell away._

Without waiting for an answer I turned and walked off. They called out to me, but I refused to look back. "Wartezeit! Bleiben und spielen Sie mit uns!"

I hated Prague.

It was a morbid, dirty and cold city with too many weird women. I could not walk down the street at a normal pace without getting stopped at some point; I just didn't get it. Did I have "foreigner" stamped on my forehead? Or maybe it was my height…

I could not find Bella's presence again no matter how much I circled by and above buildings. I was pushing to two hours now without finding a single clue. It was ridiculous. The Merge was backfiring on me at the worse possible time.

Bella! Come out, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and yelled at you!

I felt as if my loud yells were filling the silent night and disrupting the order of things. The fact that I was yelling for a human did not faze me. I had made my choice by jumping out that window. What had happened—everything, from meeting her up to having lost her again, it could not be undone. The words we had spoken to each other had been so ugly, and my pride had gotten the best of me. I had made her cry and told her I hated her. Mass killings I had done in my past did not appear as atrocious as the lies that had spurted from me. If I begged for her to forgive me, maybe I would be able to keep her. We would fight again and she would keep being obnoxiously loud, but it would not matter. I promised myself never to tell her hurtful lies again. I would never make her cry again if I could find her.

It was a frantic process. My increasing alarm made the people on the streets and dark corners much more menacing than usual. She was still out there, alive. She just had to be.

Bella! I'm sorry; Bella stop hiding you could be in real danger! Please…

Why didn't she come back or at least call out to me? She had to know how sorry I was just by the fact that I was yelling everywhere like a crazy man. In my fast pace I bumped against a man and he went flying down to the ground with a shocked look of pain. People around me stopped as the man kneeled down on all fours coughing.

I backed away instinctively, fearing to be cornered. The people's faces swam before me as their accusing eyes all turned simultaneously to me. I walked quickly the other way. I knew I had to find her now. This world, so full of fragile humans, was terrifying without her.

I rounded to another empty street. I did not whether to be glad for the lack of people, or disappointed for the lack of Bella.

Dammit Bella, I said sorry, didn't I? Come out! Come back!

The silence was not disrupted by her—or by me.

I realized then that the words were not coming out of my mouth—I wasn't even speaking them out loud. I was yelling at her from my heart, no wonder she could not hear me.

_You really are a moron…_

Before I could start a meaningless argument with myself I sensed it—a vampire coming towards me at great speed. I stood still and waited with anticipation. Maybe he had already sensed Bella too. He would tell me…if he didn't I could relieve some stress either way. I waited for another second until I realized the vampire had taken a different route and would not intercept me. Deciding that would not be fun I ran along after him. It was not very drawn out. The vampire was not that fast. When I finally reached him and pulled him back the sudden shrill cry told me the vampire was a female…or yelled like a girl.

"I'm sorry okay? I will leave, I just hat to meet a friend," it was a woman, saying in regular English as I pulled her towards me by the hair.

"That is nice, friends are very important," I conceded sardonically pushing her to face me. She was almost as tall as me but she hunched over wincing as I gripped her hair tighter.

"Yes I'm glad you agree," she was saying desperately, not noticing my tone of voice, "That is why I stayed a while longer, but I'll leave—really."

I was about to do a once in a lifetime act of kindness and let her go, until a strange scent reached me.

"Stop! I'm sorry!" she shrieked in pain as I threw her against the cobblestoned ground, so hard I could hear a crack appear on the stones.

She was about to step up but I kicked her down. When it came to immortals Gender didn't matter. I had learned the hard way over my long life that women tended to be the stronger and more cunning fighters. Overconfidence with women only led to a lost fight…and for some reason to also be left impaled with a sharp object of some sort.

"What did you do to Bella?" I asked leaning down towards her.  
As her eyes tried to focus on me I shook her roughly again, "What did you do to her?"

"To who?" she coughed, struggling to scoot away from me on the ground.

"Don't play stupid," I gripped her leg and dragged her towards me until her face was inches from mine. "I can smell her on your hands."

Finally, after looking down confusedly at her open palms her mouth opened in a small o. She turned up to me and frowned, "The girl with the ugly dress? She told me her name was Gabriel."

I fought to keep a composed expression, why would she lie like that?

"_I'm_ Gabriel, and _I_, unlike her, can tear you to teeny pieces and throw you in the Vltava River, so just answer my questions and keep your comments about her clothes to yourself."

"Wait, you're Gabriel? I was here to capture you!" she blurted.

As she bit her lips shut I felt a humorless smile on my face, "So you are a bounty tracker then?"

"No!" she held up her palms up as if I was arresting her, and the movement stirred Bella's scent in the air. "I don't usually do this sort of thing. Only it was just easy money, you know? Nothing personal."

"Did you kill her?" I forced myself to ask, thinking already of a million ways I could kill the woman slowly.

She shook her head adamantly so that her loose strands of hair smacked her face, "I didn't have the time since they got there."

I stood up, picking her up easily with me, "There were others?"

She nodded "The girl was alive when I left her," she muttered while padding dirt off her pants, and continued unconcernedly, "but she might not be anymore, there were three of them."

"Which way?" I asked grinding my teeth as she began to untangle her messy hair with her fingers. She looked up at me for a second surprised I was still there.

"Straight that way, a mile or two," she pointed idly down the street behind her.

I barely heard her angry yell of pain or the crumble of the building wall as I swatted her to the side. It had been her lucky day; I was in too much of a hurry to deal with her. There was also all that pent up emotion from being cornered by women all day. It wasn't like I liked to hurt women…on the contrary; I respected them so much I usually ran the other way. They were scary creatures I could never understand. Yet, even if she hadn't done it, there had been the unspoken intent of killing Bella.

Never did two miles seem so long. It seemed my pace was snail-like, as my anxiety grew to slow me further. Was I too late? There had been a million mistakes on my part. Just one more chance, a single one; I would not need another. No more would I tell her she was stupid—I would just think it. Never again would I buy her ugly dresses, or force her to act the part of the prey for others or me. Protecting her, making sure she didn't cry or yell at me anymore. Of course, that meant some work had to be done with her attitude too.

When I could finally inhale a breath full of Bella's scent and could see her slight figure in the distance I finally gained control of my senses…when I saw the three vampires rearing on her I lost it again.

There were three of them. A small, medium, and large one were coming near her: the three bears.

I hunted bears; they were my favorite.

I stopped shortly before them fearing that if I got too close to her they would target her immediately. Bella turned to me and I winced at the sight of her. The dress was dirty, her hair was a tangled mess and I could tell by the pallor of her face that she was in some sort of pain. So I _had_ been late to some extent, but it wasn't something I couldn't pay them back in full for.

"Do you want to go?" the biggest one came forward with a stupid grin plastered on his big face, "Then go."

It had been a while since I had fought three at once. I wondered how much damage I could do and keep them all busy so that none of them would go after Bella. To only make things harder, the large and medium ones were standing before Bella covering her from me. Before I could react Bella reached for me.

Stupid girl.

My mouth dried in the course of a nanosecond. Every movement she made was a new gray hair on my head. When she gripped the troll's shirt I was on the verge of giving a girlish shriek of fear. Maybe the big one's size made up for his lack of reflexes because he didn't react immediately. He was probably just as shocked as me that this weird raggedy girl was being so freaking _stupid_.

I looked at her pale face and nearly hesitated going to her. There was clear relief and happiness in her eyes mixed along with all the panic she was experiencing. Something told me she was not happy at the prospect of becoming the main meal. Another reason was maybe because she was happy to see me.

Like that time with the twins, she was glad too see me. I know—weird.

When she almost fell I caught her and pulled her to me. Her body, though she was shivering, was lukewarm and soft in my arms. I had carried her when she passed out and manhandled her more than a few times, but I had never just held her. It was a first…

It was my first time giving a hug, okay? Embarrassing, I know. Not only because it was one sided on my part, but because it lasted no more than three seconds. It was disappointing and annoying. The medium vampire had decided to take it upon himself to disrupt our beautiful reunion. Asshole.

Given three or four more seconds and she might have hugged me back. If truth were told, we had gone through a lot, Bella and I. She looked like a train had gone over her and the very act of feeling was taking a heavier toll on me than I had previously thought. Both of us needed a hug.

The vampire was weak and light so I was able to stop him with one hand and tried to keep Bella upright with the other. The other two began to panic but strangely they did not attack.

"Stop it! Edward!" the small one yelled, and strangely I did stop. The name made me pause as I studied the guy's face, and when Bella said weakly, "Stop it Gabe," I felt like I was connecting the dots somehow. I let the man go and instead of going for my jugular as any self-righteous immortal would have, he backed off.

"Gabe, these are the Cullens, they weren't the ones that hurt me," Bella told me hurriedly, but I was not surprised. The medium vampire…he was Edward?

"_Edward, please stay with me…don't leave, please…"_ I remembered the night so long ago when she had been calling for him pitifully. Back then I had thought of killing him off for her. He had made her sad for some reason, it made bile rise in my throat. Would she be upset if I killed him now? I looked as his pale face and perfect features. He was a _pretty_ boy. Bella had horrible taste in men.

"Bella, what is going on?" the large one asked taking a step forward, looking disappointed there was no fight.

The pretty boy gave me a long look, and I suddenly felt an odd pressure on my cranium, before I could react he looked away to her, "Who is he?"

I looked down at Bella who simultaneously looked up at me. Her hand was tugging at my coat for some reason and the panic had not left her eyes, which was strange since we both knew there was no longer a threat. It reminded me of how odd she had been acting all along on our way here, as if she feared the inevitable meeting with her long lost bosom friends. _Why_ she was panicking was the question. Even I had to admit that they were worried for her. I realized now that they had been protecting her when I had arrived. Despite this Bella wanted me to get her out of here. I could tell by the widening of her eyes and the pursing of her lips, it was the same look she always wore whenever she had been at school…not that I had seen her at school, or anything.

It wasn't like I would follow her during the day on occasions when we were still in Forks. I was just honestly curious about the public education for the youth of today. Illiteracy is a growing epidemic after all.

Sighing I pulled my coat from her grasp to take it off. Her shivering was growing worse by the minute, had she been like this the entire time? It terrified me to think what she would do if she discovered I had been touring around a Red Light district while she had been tossed around the ground. Which was probably the case by the looks of her dirty and torn dress.

"These are the Cullens? I thought they would be less pathetic," I told her feeling put down. This was preposterous. The small one's hair was ridiculously big; bounty trackers would be able to spot her five miles away. The middle one…well, he just pissed me off for some reason with his symmetrical face and perfect hair, and the big one looked like the act of using a spoon would be like brain surgery for him. Had I really been considering leaving her with these idiots? They would not be capable of taking care of her properly, not like I was able to anyways.

The large one's face contorted as he bared his fangs at me, his eyes and muscles bulging, apparently my comment had not gone down well. The medium one put a hand on him, but his eyes held the same contempt as he looked at me.

They looked like a pair of leering monkeys.

"Gabe, can't you keep your comments to yourself?" Bella snapped at me in a stage whisper. She sounded more like her old self, and I was glad she was not giving me the silent treatment for our previous fight, but that was probably because the near-death experience had made her forget. Fear was a funny thing.

She began to grip my shirt instead with a tighter hold and I noticed her inner heat was slowly leaving her. The brightness her eyes had gained when I had arrived was diminishing to be replaced with a dull look that served only to mask the pain she was probably feeling.

"Why, do you think I hurt their feelings?" I asked her. Her scowl was not as pronounced so I unhooked her gripping hand and pushed her away at arms length. I gave her an up and down look until she blushed but I noticed that she was cradling one of her hands like a baby.

"This is Emmett and Edward, I am Sable," the small, curly-haired vampire said to me in a strained polite tone, gesturing at the angry monkeys. She came forward but after I moved Bella behind me she paused, understanding I still considered them a threat. I felt another tug behind me and I turned to see Bella looking faint and rather green. Something told me right now was not the time to be making fun of her…but she looked like a piece of broccoli…all green, with her big messy hair.

But I had to monitor how much I poked fun at her now. If I made her angry again, she might randomly decide to run off again…or cry…or puke on me, none of which I found remotely funny. Her face, which had lighted up at seeing me, was becoming clammy and pale.

"Who did this to you?" was what I wanted to ask but the medium Cullen beat me to it.

"It was the vampire that was here earlier, but she ran off as soon as she sensed you come," she replied softly. Her voice was demure and weak; very un-Bellaish I noticed that she had looked down to the ground as soon as he had talked to her.

"She looks hurt," the female suddenly said while daring to take a few steps closer, "I think her wrist is broken."

"You have a knack for stating the obvious," I muttered dryly. Bella didn't say a word about my comment but her withering look was enough, "What? I was _complimenting _her."

I reached down and gently took the arm she was cradling. She winced slightly but didn't let out any sound even though her wrist was becoming increasingly purple. As slowly as I possibly could I covered it with both of my cold hands, hoping it would help a little. "Does that feel better?"

She nodded, biting her lower lip, tears coming up again.

"I met the vampire on my way here, but I didn't kill her," I told her, "Do you want me to go back and make the ugly monster girl go away?"

She shook her head, missing the sardonic tone in my voice.

"No, just stay with me, okay?" she said thickly while gritting her teeth. Well, so much for my sarcasm.

"We have to get her to a hospital and get that treated," Edward finally came forward placing both of his hands on her shoulders as if to pull her back from me. I didn't dare pull her closer to me, fearing to hurt her even further. It was Bella who acted first again by walking closer to me and shrinking away from his touch. I saw the fleeting hurt look cross his face, but he masked it by turning to the other two.

"Sable go first and tell Carlisle we are on our way. Emmett and I will be right behind you with Bella."

The girl nodded and left in a chaotic swirl of curls. The large monkey finally came forward until we were a few feet apart and tried to tower over me even though we were the same height. He raised both his arms and instead of beating his chest like I thought he was about to he simply held them up to Bella, "Come Bella, I'll carry you to the clinic instead."

When Edward's eyes grew sharp I realized that the monkey was not offering himself as an alternative to me, but to the pretty boy. This was getting interesting. There was a mystery here…

Except it really wasn't. A mystery, I mean. I knew already. There was no need for anybody to spell it out to me. This serious mood between the perfect angelic boy and Bella…I had known ever since I had heard her call to him in her sleep. I just didn't have the details, but I didn't want or need them. It was more than enough that I wanted to light his nice hair on fire and see him running around with it.

"I'm perfectly capable of caring her and walking at the same time. You don't look like multitasking is your forte," I told him icily. Before the BFG—big furious giant—could do anything, Edward placed a restraining hand on him again.

**We shall meet again before February! Promise. So, if you guys have some serious pent up resentment for my lack of updates, feel free to click the pretty button and let me have it. It's not healthy to keep those types of feelings bottled in.**

"Alright, you take her," he told me calmly, "We will lead the way."

I nodded and let go of Bella's hand. She hugged it to herself and let me lift her. I tried to be as slow as I could in case she was hurt on some other part of her body I was not aware of. They began to head off down the street but before I followed Bella put a hand on my chest as if to hold me back.

"I'm sorry about everything I said in the hotel," she said looking up at me. I nodded, unable to apologize back. My pride was still too big; I needed to take baby steps with my growing conscious. "Gabe, I know you said you really wanted to leave this place, but could you stay with me a little bit longer?"

"I'm here now, aren't I?" I asked her roughly and began to run. Because of the rapid wind she turned her face to the nook of my arm and didn't say anything else.

Just a little bit? How much was a little bit to her? Until we reached the clinic, until Carlisle treated her? Until she decided she did not mind the pretty boy with too much hair product hanging around her?

Whatever, it was not my place to complain. She wanted me to stay with her, she had said so herself. Even if it was for just a minute, an hour, or a day, I wanted to stay too.


	10. Unwanted

**What promised, promised. An update before February! I'm proud of myself. I won't promise again to update by a specific date, because I don't know when it will be able to happen--but it will! Definitely, don't give up on me, you guys. **

Unwanted

When we had finally arrived at the clinic Bella was fast asleep in my arms. The two Cullens eyed me warily, as if I was suddenly going to go "Oops" and drop her to the floor like a hot potato.

"Maybe you should wait out here," Edward said standing between the door and me. The big one stood beside him flexing his muscles. I was not impressed. "You seem to care for Bella's well-being, we will take care of her from this point on."

He came cautiously up to me and held his arms out. I looked at them and at his perfect face with its perfect honest expression.

I kicked him on the shin.

It was a _perfect_ hit, if I do say so myself. See? I had my moments of perfection too.

Had it been childish of me? Well, I liked to think it had been more a type of guerrilla warfare tactic. It was his fault for standing so close…and acting like such a pompous fool. For some reason he kept pushing me to leave. It was beginning to become irritating.

He winced and hunched over slightly, while at the same time putting the usual restraining hand on the giant buffoon.

"As long as Bella wants me here I won't be going anywhere," I told them softly so that my voice wouldn't wake her. I had a feeling she would not be all too appreciative that I had kicked her prince charming. Except that it was unfair, _I_ was the one caring her around, right? I wanted to be a prince too.

"It's okay Emmett," he finally said straightening up moving to the side, gesturing for me to go in. He was so gallant and honorable; if I were a woman I would have been swooning.

Swoon.

Even so, it irritated me how complacent he was being. Before I could ask him if he had two-timed Cinderella or Snow White with Bella, the female that called herself Sable came out of the clinic and held the door open for me to go in.

"Carlisle was busy with patients so he doesn't know we are here yet," she told Edward, she turned to me and pointed at a nurse holding a clipboard, "They are still going to look her over while Carlisle is busy."

I nodded silently and followed the nurse to a small room that smelled strongly like antiseptic. We all wrinkled our noses in disgust, except for the nurse who gestured for me to lay Bella on the flat hospital bed that stood in the middle of the room. As I put her down she woke up with a start and gripped my shirt, pulling me to her. Her eyes were wide and frightened. A feeling of selfish satisfaction settled over me. She was scared so she still needed me with her. Just a little bit longer…

"I'm still here, it's fine," I assured her and pushed her gently back on the bed. Her eyes softened but her face paled as soon as she saw the Cullens behind me. Well…it was really the prince she was seeing, not the others.

"What happened to you, girl?" the nurse asked slowly with a German accent while extracting her stethoscope and eyeing Bella's state critically. "Who did this to you?"

Ironically, it wasn't to me the nurse turned her drilling eyes to, but to the Cullens who cringed almost imperceptibly.

"We are not a gang, Frau Ong," the talking boulder said in a tired tone, as if this was something he had said more than once. "We were play wrestling, not fighting that one time."

She clucked her tongue and gave them a final disdainful look before turning back to Bella. I decided I liked this woman—until she looked up at me and said blandly to herself, "Ein anderer hübscher Junge…"

What was with Prague women referring to me as a boy? I was quite positive that she was calling me that at some point, just like the other women had. It was ridiculous; I was a hundred times their elder. Where was the respect?

"Sweetie, let go of your boyfriend's hand for a little bit," she asked Bella and gestured to a blood pressure cuff, "I am going to take the blood pressure from your uninjured arm."

There was a small pause in which Bella deliberated letting go of my hand. I actually had not noticed her hand in mine until then, maybe because I had been too preoccupied wondering if Carlisle would kick me out as soon as he saw me.

"He is older than you, ja?" the nurse went on in a conversational tone while wrapping the cuff, "Are your parents okay with that? I married my Gustav when I was sixteen and he was twenty-two, but those were different times."

She turned to me and gave me an appraising look, not unlike every other woman I had encountered today. Bella had never looked at me that way, which made me glad. The girl was freaky enough already.

"Times really are different," I agreed pleasantly, "If you finish up quickly and shut up, I might consider inviting you to the wedding instead of throwing you out the window."

Apparently she really did want to witness our nuptials because she pursed her lips shut after that. Nice woman, I was sure she was wishing us joy from the bottom of her terrified heart.

"If you threaten the guests before the wedding we won't get good presents," Bella told me a-matter-of-factly while taking a hold of my hand again and gripping it until her knuckles turned white. That (and the fact that she had taken my sarcastic jibe as a joke instead of berating me) told me she was in great pain. I wanted to hold her hand just as tight to give support, but she was so fragile. I did not want to add to her pain, all I could do for her now was to let her hold onto me.

It was then when I felt a strange pressure in my cranium, as if gravity was coming stronger down precisely on my brain. There was no pain caused from it, but it was uncomfortable, like being weighed down underwater. After a moment I remembered this had not been the first time this had happened after arriving at Prague. I gave my head a brisk shake and the feeling went away. I wondered warily if Elders ever became ill. If so, it was a good thing I was at a clinic. I could get a physical. Only I had read books and watched films about this sort of thing, so I was not willing to drop my pants and cough. There was a minimum amount of dignity I was able to lose in a month. With Bella's help, I had rapidly reached my monthly quota.

"I'm going to see what is keeping Carlisle," prince charming said in a strained voice. I looked up, and was faintly surprised to see him glaring at me with open dislike unlike he had before. It radiated from him in thick waves. This was a charming new development.

Charming—prince charming, get it? I don't know why people don't get my jokes. I'm hilarious.

"What's suddenly got your panties all on a twist?" I asked him pleasantly, "You have been very helpful to us. I will even invite you to the wedding."

My satisfied smirk was all it took to break the pretty boy's composure. He went from suave doll to teeth grinding beast in the span of a second. It was the meathead's turn to place a restraining hand.

"I will go get Esme right away," the meathead was saying to Bella while half-pulling half-dragging the glaring ken doll, "Sable keep an eye on him while Edward goes and gets Carlisle."

I waved bye to them. They were such good kids.

I looked down at Bella and was relieved she was in too much pain to have paid attention to the little conversation that had just taken place. I'm sure my morals were questionable, especially if I was glad she was in pain so that I wouldn't get yelled at, but I was thankful nonetheless.

Before they had rounded the corner in the long hall I still managed to hear him say to the other, "Edward, you can't lose it like that in front of Bella, keep it together."

"So, you be American, ja?" the woman continued somewhat awkwardly, which didn't let me hear the other's response. I just looked at her again and she snapped her mouth shut.

Bella was breathing hard through her nose and her eyes were shut so tight tears were forming on the edges. Her complexion was returning back to green and sheen of sweat was settling all over her face. I placed my cold hand gently on her forehead and she opened here eyes in surprise. She looked up at me with eyes that screamed in pain but did not entirely mask what they were really crying at me, 'H_e's gone, why did he leave?'_

"When the hell is Carlisle going to come?" I turned angrily to the curly haired vampire, wanting to break Bella's look. The girl jumped in surprise but she managed to hold her ground.

"He will be here soon," she replied tersely.

A good while passed and I wondered how weak these incompetent Cullens were. I was almost positive that at the speed they were getting things done Bella could be able to outrun them. I had never been the patient kind. This was killing me, mostly because Bella was looking increasingly worse and I did not thrive well under pressure. What was I suppose to do if she suddenly got sick? Shove her towards the sink so that she would not throw up all over me? Or simply throw her inside the supply closet I had seen across the hallway? I wanted to help; I just had no idea how.

Finally I sensed them approach, and a gradual sense of foreboding settled in. It had been a long time ago since I had last seen Carlisle. We had met when he had been living with the Volturi. Michael and I had gone on an impromptu visit to the that coven.

The Volturi, to us, was a group of egotistical vampires that walked around thinking their old age gave them the right to create rules for everybody. The Priam held supreme seniority, but the idea of creating rules and making sure others followed it was a very dull concept. So we all remained in pleasant terms for personal gain. The Volturi wanted to feel like they had the power over all vampire kind. The Priam humored them, mostly because they did a good job in keeping check of the younger ones so that our kind was not exposed. They did the dirty work for us, and as long as they knew whom really held the power we were fine with letting them run around in their parent's clothes and pretend it fit them.

When Carlisle and I met…let us just say it had not been unlike the pretty boy and I. He had remained honorable and gallant until I had managed to push the right buttons. It had been a nice give and take; Carlisle was not a weak man, and I enjoyed mocking him.

I liked to think back fondly to those times. People from both covens liked to think I had singlehandedly been the one to make Carlisle leave the Volturi for the New World. He had been unable to stand me to the point he had to put an entire ocean between us. Though the idea was flattering, I knew that had not been the case. Carlisle didn't fear me personally; he only feared what I was capable of doing against others, and he had said so to my face. He had always been disgusted with the fact that I was so "remorseless" whenever I dealt with my prey. At first, this had been idiotic to me. Why should I feel bad about killing humans, and why should a sissy, joke of an immortal think he had the right to look down on _me_? Especially when Michael and the Volturi seniors he worked for were not any better. It made no sense—_he _made no sense.

When we had a confrontation about it he told me the reason he was so annoyed with me was because I had "potential", whatever the hell that meant. It had left me confused and angrier than before. After he left on his nice boat wearing the shiniest shoe buckles I had ever seen, I secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

I respected the sissy, which is saying something, but he somehow made me nervous.

As he entered through the doorway our eyes met. It was a dramatic reunion. He had not forgotten me; the same old reproach and fear in his eyes were still there, just for me. It was the same look from all those years ago. It made me feel as if I had personally let him down at some point, which was ridiculous.

"Bella," he rushed over to her side, ignoring me like a relative he rather not be connected to. I was offended he was paid no heed to me, in the cosmic way of the world we were like brothers. "When Edward told me you were here, I couldn't believe it."

He began examining her gently and I couldn't help being impressed. He was an immortal but there were no signs that showed he found her warmth compelling or the dried blood on her arm enticing. There was no Ban on him and yet he was so composed. After being so long with Bella and suffering how alluring her blood was, I could not help but respect his mannerism.

Bella's hand let go of me to brush a strand of wayward hair from her face. The connection of her sudden nervousness to the pretty boy's arrival into the room was not lost on me. He shot me a cold look and it bothered me for the first time. Who did he think he was? I could beat him with only one hand, and for a second I was sorely tempted.

It was fine though; I was the one Bella relied on. Especially when an incompetent doctor was hurting her. During the exam Carlisle lifted her arm and Bella screamed in a way I had never heard her scream before. It set my teeth on edge and made my killing instinct rise sky-high. If I hadn't noticed the sly look in Carlisle's eyes I would have attacked him without a second thought.

He looked at me innocently and turned back to Bella, telling the others, "It's fine," which made me realize the monkeys had been alerted by my attitude. They were like dogs excited for the hunt, but after a look from Carlisle they whined and coward back. Heh, dogs.

Carlisle continued with the examination, possibly knowing I was furious. The bastard had been testing me. I just knew it. There had been a flash of triumph pass on his face before he had continued to ignore me again. It made me feel as if he had bested me at something. He had hurt Bella on purpose, but I had no idea why.

"Before we x-ray and cast your wrist I have to relocate your shoulder," he said, putting a calming hand on her shoulder.

I grabbed Bella's hand before she could reach for mine. In reality both of us had had the worst possible day. We had arrived to a new country and from there we had fought, separated, and reunited. I knew that the time for our final separation was nearing. It disconcerted me to think about it. Even though she had asked me to stay with her I couldn't help but wonder when she would send me away. I took her hand willingly because I wanted to comfort her, but I also wanted to get brownie points. I guess it was a desperate attempt on my part.

"Should we step outside?" the girl Sable asked in a hushed whisper. As if answering Bella gripped my hand tighter. It seemed I would not be moving anytime soon. She bowed her head and leaned towards me until she could bury her face in the nook of my arm. I wondered if she thought that as long as she did not see Carlisle do it she would not feel it. With a fluid movement that could have only been possible from years of experience, Carlisle stretched Bella's arm and the hollow pop that rebounded off the walls was the only sound made as we all held our breath. I had to hand it to her, not even a squeak of pain had come out of her. She passed calmly out without making a fuss. The only sign we got of her great pain was the fresh scent of blood in the air.

I pushed her back gently on the bed and leaned over her sweaty, pallid face. I could see a faint prick of blood forming on the corner of her bottom lip. She had held back crying by biting into it. Stupid girl, had she forgotten who was in the room with her?

"Don't you dare even try it."

It had happened as I had brushed that persistent strand of hair from her face. One moment I had been by her side, and the next I was being shoved against the wall. The force of the push took me by surprise. All I could do was blink lazily as the pretty boy breathed heavily on my face and tried to choke me against the wall by pushing his entire arm on my neck.

"I don't know what kind of relationship you have with Bella, but don't think for one moment that her blood is for the taking," he said this all in a very deep and menacing voice. He was so close and I could see his mad eyes, which popped out like a crazed hamster's. I suppose it was meant to be intimidating. Before I could push him away Carlisle stepped in and pulled him away.

"This is not the time or place for this Edward. Gabriel did not have any intentions of hurting her," he said in a pacifying tone while pushing him to the other side of the room.

"Why would I want to drain my future bride?" I asked him scandalized. "That is very counter-productive. Besides, I am a gentleman: I would wait until the honeymoon."

"Edward!" Carlisle snapped grabbing the prince from behind and forcing him back after he had tried to come at me again. "He is only trying to provoke you, get a hold of yourself. If you can't do this I'm going to ask you to leave."

Edward froze and turned angrily to Carlisle, "Why would you kick _me_ out? He is the dangerous one, we should keep him away from Bella."

I was actually impressed with the prince's quick deduction skills. With only sardonic comments and a few jibes at his obvious jealousy he had deduced I was "dangerous". Or maybe that was not why he disliked me.

He turned to me and I met his furious gaze squarely. Instantaneously the pressure in my head returned. It was more potent than before, almost to the point that it actually pained me. I blinked it away and tried to clear my head, what was that? When I finally turned to them the pouting prince had turned away from me to Carlisle.

"We need to know what is going on," Carlisle said to the room at large, giving everybody a stern look that commanded obedience. "This is a situation none of us expected, and Gabriel is needed to explain what is going on."

He turned to Edward while saying the last bit, giving him a meaningful look. The boy glared back at him sulking, and for a while they did not break eye contact as if they were trying to pass wordless messages through their looks. I found it highly entertaining; it was like children playing to see who would blink first. I wanted to play too.

At the end it turned to be too much for Carlisle because he gave an exasperated breath and turned away from him. He picked up Bella's chart and began to write furiously on it, when he was done he looked up and said crisply, "We need to understand what is going on Edward. Gabriel stays. If it bothers you so much tell Bella to ask him to leave. She seems to be the only one who wants him here so badly."

With that he walked out of the room to the nurses' station where we could hear him giving instructions in German.

It was hard to keep my face blank when I was having a great desire to smirk. Carlisle had hinted that nobody else wanted me here, and though my heart broke at the thought, it was also true that Bella wanted me with her. She had passed out, but her hand was still clutching mine tightly. It was as if her subconscious was making sure I did not move. I couldn't help but like Carlisle at that moment; he had left the pretty boy looking like he had just been punched in the face.

I have said it once, I can say it twice: Bella has horrible taste in men.

* * *

I leaned against the wall and wondered how long Bella would take. It still peeved me they had not allowed me to go with her to get the x-rays. If there was somebody capable of getting hurt by just laying still, Bella was it. And yeah, she was unconscious, but it was _Bella_. Her very presence instilled mayhem.

"Who are you? Why did you bring Bella here?" the prince appeared out of thin air by my shoulder. I almost jumped out of my skin in surprise. What a creeper. It made me feel humiliated. A guy who had the bad habit of jumping around like a demented gel haired jack-in-the-box had just bested me. "I let it pass until now because she seems to trust you, but were you the one that kidnapped her?"

"Shoo fly, don't bother me," I snapped, feeling disgusted at myself.

"She was safe in Forks," he hissed standing close in front of me, forcing me to lean back on the wall. "I don't think you know what you have just done."

And suddenly I realized he was right. It galled me to admit it, but there had always been the nagging feeling on the back of my mind asking me if this was the right thing to do. I supposed it was the tiny voice of selfless reasoning in the very, very back. This was the side that gave me goose bumps of fright whenever I could hear it admit shamelessly it loved Bella. You would not catch me doing that anytime soon, but it was always there; whispering at me to leave her alone for her own safety.

"Yes…and I am safe in assuming _you_ have no idea what I have done," I said, pushing enough to get him out of my face, "Where have you been, boy? Have you been secretly living on the tree outside Bella's window? Have you been there all along, did you see everything that happened? You must have if you seem to be so knowledgeable on the matter then, which is a surprise because I don't know a single thing about you—Bella never mentioned she knew such a pale doe-eyed prick."

It was more than I had ever spoken to another person that wasn't Bella, at least for a long time. The words just flowed in a bitter tirade. I was letting my anger out on him, and I didn't even care if it was fair or not. Even so, I watched intrigued as every sour word coming out of my word hit a mark. It wasn't like I knew my words would get to him, but apparently they did. His normally pale face turned ashen and he took an extra step away from me. He closed his mouth in a sharp line and stood still glaring at me. Well…at least he had shut up…and stopped getting so close. I could tell he was a touchy-feely kind of person, like Bella. People like those two always felt compelled to break my personal bubble.

Carlisle returned with a clipboard on hand and a woman on his side, the big brute was shuffling behind them. The woman was small and pretty, for some reason she seemed really amiable. I instantly disliked her.

"Gabriel, this is my wife Esme," Carlisle said gesturing to the woman. She looked up at me with kind eyes that irked me. I opened my mouth and saw Carlisle shoot me a hard look that commanded me to behave.

"It's very nice to meet you mam, I have heard absolutely nothing about you," I mumbled, trying to lower the sarcasm a notch.

She smiled benignly at me like she knew I had been trying my best not to be rude. Ugh, nice people, I don't get them.

"Carlisle told me all about you," she said pleasantly, "and by what I hear you and Bella are friends, right?"

Carlisle gestured for us to return to the room and I walked faster than anybody else. I felt that if I kept on talking with her I would end up talking very politely.

When we all went in Bella was already back on the bed and a man was putting plaster on her arm as she slept.

"We injected her with a sedative so that she would rest for a little bit," Carlisle explained. Silently we all stood on our old spots while the man continued. It took a while so it was a rather uncomfortable silence. The man attending Bella would look up once in a while. Apparently we were making him uncomfortable just by breathing over his shoulder.

"Are you done yet?" I snapped, annoyed at his precise movements that seemed to lag, "Do you like touching her that much? Get on with it."

The man gave me a blank look and only said mildly, "Ich kann kein Englisch," before bowing down to his work again.

"He doesn't know any English, Gabriel," Esme told me softly.

"Yeah—okay, I got it," I muttered annoyed. I felt like a petulant child being gently chided. This Esme woman was getting to me without even trying. I had to give it to Carlisle for picking a wife just as riling as him.

After a while the man finished and we looked expectantly to one another after the door closed behind him. We lasted like this for a while until we realized Bella was still knocked out. It became clear to us at that moment that nothing would really happen without her awake. It was awkward as we exchanged blank looks and Bella snored on. What now?

"Even though Bella is still asleep you could begin telling us what is going on Gabriel," Carlisle eventually said softly so Bella would not be disturbed.

"I could, but I won't," I said bluntly and poked Bella on the forehead, "Wake up! You know I'm no good in social situations."

They hissed at me, and Esme came forward to pull up the covers over her, shooting me a reprimanding look, "We need to know why she got hurt like she did, so please just answer: why is she here?"

"Why is she here?" I repeated vaguely.

"That is what we would all like to know," Emmett said through gritted teeth.

Thankfully I was saved from answering by Bella who finally woke up. She opened her eyes groggily and started to rise slowly, looking like one of those hypnotized snakes rising out of a basket.

Carlisle came forward and tried to push her back telling her to rest, but she was far too stubborn and woke up. It took a while for her to orient herself again, but once she did things didn't improve. The silence persisted and I got bored. Bella and I talked more than this; didn't they know the concept of small talk?

After a moment I could feel the pressure in my head return. It was getting increasingly worse. My eyes were beginning to water and my temples began to throb. I looked up and met the intense glare of the giant called Emmett. His eyes seemed to be trying to kill me by only looking. I glared back and him, and a faint suspicion started to form. I wondered if he was somehow the reason for my growing headache. Immortals occasionally had powers. Maybe annoying people was his.

"So…so where's Alice?" Bella finally broke the silence. Her voice sounded cracked and weak, "And Jasper?"

"They both left abroad," the disgustingly nice lady replied, but it didn't take a genius to notice her suddenly strained calm tone.

The giant's eyes grew more ferocious, if that was possible. "They went to Forks because Alice had a vision of Forks going crazy thinking you were kidnapped," he said sourly, and I almost looked away.

This was it; I had finally been caught. I was a transatlantic kidnapper.

"What happened Bella? Why are you suddenly here, did…did you follow us?" Esme asked her softly and in the corner of my eye I saw Bella flinch. The long time she and I had been together had made me privy to how she would react. This question was hitting below the belt and I knew it because I finally realized why she had been so upset about coming to begin with. This very question summarized the reason for her hesitation. I could feel mortification ooze out of her in torrents, and knew it was my fault. I had brought her here without ever having asked why she didn't want to.

"No, she didn't want to come. There are bounty trackers after us I thought she would be safer with you," I turned to Carlisle, and like with Bella, I could also tell how he was feeling only I didn't know particularly why. His eyes betrayed the smugness. Why he was so pleased with himself, I had no desire to know. The pressure was clouding my vision.

"Bounty trackers?" the ken doll breathed deeply turning to me, and as he looked angrily at me I saw it. There was something lurking behind his heated gaze. There was something that seemed to want to pry deep into me, as if it wanted to drill into my very core and steal my insides. It had been him, he had been trying from the very beginning to get into my head and take from there whatever it was he needed. It instilled in me a faint sense of fear towards him. He was a bodiless thief. If I gave in, there was the possibility that he would be able to get in and inside me. I had underestimated him.

"I take it we are missing a great portion of the story," I heard Carlisle say. I looked away from Edward and realized the conversation had been going on without me noticing. The new discovery of the slimy boy's power had left me shaken. I did not know how to proceed.

"There isn't much to tell," I heard myself say plainly, wishing they would all just leave at least for a moment, "we are just being followed, period."

"Just like that?" Edward asked and I had to force myself to look at him. The pressure was growing so steadily it was becoming harder to keep it back. I knew now that my natural stubbornness had been the one thing protecting me all along. He was persistent about getting into my mind. What would happen if he accomplished it? All my secrets exposed for the world to see, for _him_ to see. The very idea was terrifying.

"Just like that," I retorted pointlessly. It was getting to be too much. My brain was starting to feel like a second heart, beating relentlessly above my eyes.

"Bella, please give us an explanation," the woman was saying as she patted Bella's cast. I was too concentrated in the killer jellyfish's gaze to answer for her. His eyes narrowed as he realized he was finally getting to me. This was a battle he had won from me; I couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop that, it's annoying the hell out of me," I snapped, feeling like I had started running around the room waving a tiny white flag. Michael along with my dead ancestors would have been so ashamed. Thankfully my outburst of defeat had broken him out of his dirty mission. He blinked and the pressure was gone just as quick.

"You won't get anything so stop trying," I said, ashamed of the fact that I was resorting on an empty threat. If one more minute had passed he would have had my mind—all of me.

"Gabriel is an old acquaintance of mine," Carlisle said cautiously and they exchanged one of those meaningful looks I had seen before.

The boy could read Carlisle's mind. How had I not noticed it before? They had been having a conversation under my nose this entire time. "He is much older than me Edward."

The female with the out of control hair came forward and took his hand, asking him redundantly if he couldn't read my thoughts. Edward turned to me and I saw him shoot a side-glance at Bella to gouge her expression.

I hated him.

I hated everything about him and anything that might pertain to him. I wanted to fight him until he bled, until I had snapped every bone in his body to two pieces. I had not been overly conscientious of the fact that Bella was in love with the tool. It had been irrelevant to a certain point, but here he was, hurting her so blatantly. He had let the girl take his hand right in front of Bella. There had been no movement in his part to stop this public display of affection—what was he thinking? Did he even have a brain?

Bella turned to me and I could see the pain in her eyes. I did not know what to do; if I killed him out of the blue Carlisle might decide not to look over her. It was very inconvenient.

"He can't read mine either," Bella told me softly. At first I didn't know what she was talking about. I noticed the Cullens exchanged dark looks and give Bella a sympathetic look. I wanted to yell at them that she did not have Stockholm syndrome; she just liked me more than them. Only I did not know that for a fact. I felt like I was just the temporary nanny. My presence was borderline superfluous.

"This is a very complicated situation Bella," Carlisle went on in his pompous, Edward-like manner, "We do need an explanation, you know that don't you?"

Bella bowed her head and she seemed to wilt before their inquisitive gazes.

This was not good. I did not know how to fix it. Picking her up and running away with her again seemed like a good idea right about now. I was all about action. What I wanted and disliked I would deal with by force. Bella was all about talking. She talked and talked until I couldn't take it anymore and things were done her way. It was very crafty on her part.

We were very different, weren't we? She was the fluffy white cloud on the sky that resembled circus animals, and I was the stormy black one that brought typhoons. She was kind…I just wasn't. Why did I want to stay by her side? Jealousy perhaps. Maybe she had so many good qualities I wanted for myself?

No, that was not it; being kind, or talking endlessly was not something I wanted to make part of my character. I guess I simply liked those types of things when they came from her. Which made my dilemma worse. I was like a leech that insistently clung on to her, sucking all the good when it suited me.

I wondered if it would be okay if I were a little more like her. It was worth a try.

"Fine, but not now, let her rest," I said peaceably, with a hint of pleading. My new tone impressed even me. If I used words, like her, maybe I didn't need to use a fist to get what I wanted.

While I was receiving an epiphany on how easy it was to talk gently with others, the talking boulder ordered, "Then you tell us what happened,"

"But that would require for me to talk and for you to listen and understand which requires a brain, are you sure you are up for that muscle head?" I snapped my mouth shut and bit the tip of my tongue. Wow, that had been short-lived.

Bella was amazing; she made talking with people look so easy.

* * *

I was a rubber band.

Tugged and pulled in every direction I was surprise I had not snapped yet. I stared out the window, only spacing out. We were in Carlisle's home and they had finally managed to separate Bella and I by putting us in different rooms. In her cast and with a drawn face, I could not find it in my heart to actually complain. She needed distance from me. From the broken bones to the blue bruises that would be covering her body tomorrow, I was the cause.

I was drumming my fingers on the windowsill. It took me a minute to realize I was going along with Bella's heartbeat. The rooms were only across from each other, and I was always very perceptive to things that dealt with her so I had been doing it subconsciously. I remembered the way her heartbeat had been during the ride here. The memory of it still made me wince. The erratic rhythm had alarmed the Cullens as well. It had been a very uncomfortable car ride for everybody, especially for me. She had held my hand and I could actually feel the pulsing of her heart through our touch. There had been nothing I was able to do for her. Story of my life.

There was a faint creak and I stopped my drumming to listen carefully. Bella was moving in her room. I heard her open her door and come to mine. I felt frozen, or mummified. Even as she walked in, shut the door silently behind her and got wordlessly into the bed, I could not move. Her heartbeat filled the room, but it was the gentle rhythm I had gotten used to. I looked at her through the window's reflection as she carefully arranged her cast arm next to her. I wanted to tell her how hard I had tried for less than a minute to be a good vampire man and talk instead of fight. I knew she would have smiled and said those precious seconds of my failed intent were perfect. Except maybe that would have killed me. I was not perfect, and it was hypocritical of me to try. I had to leave that for immortals that cared about their hairstyle, like Edward and Carlisle Cullen did.

I only had a small amount of time left with her. It would end soon—as soon as the Cullens were filled in on the details and decided I was not needed to watch over her.

It would come to a dead halt once she discovered what I had done. In a nutshell, I had ruined her life. Bella mad at me…Bella throwing things at me…Bella hating me…Bella looking at me with blank eyes that showed how dead I was to her…

It was difficult to gauge the extent of the total wreckage I would leave behind me. I was so afraid she would find out, I didn't know if there was any possible way for me to stop it from happening. That was why Edward struck fear in me. He had the power to see how I had used her. Whatever it was that he had done to her, could it compare to the damage I caused with every passing minute I maintained the Merge?

Her breath seemed to stabilize and aside from her beating heart, the house was silent and still. I sighed and looked back at her through the window. It was impossible to formulate a scale from one to ten and see just how mad she would be at me. Would it be an anger that would be sated after explanation, or would it be the type where no words were needed from her to let me know she never wanted to see me again?

It didn't matter, that would probably happen tomorrow. There were a few hours left until then.

I walked over and turned off the lamp. Her face was peaceful, and despite the small cuts on her face, she looked content like she always did. Just a little longer until all of this would be broken…

In old times I would have gone into the closet, or sat out in the hall as she slept, but time was a precious commodity today. I sat right beside her on the ground and closed my eyes. The warmth, scent, and sound coming from her—things I would miss. As soon as the sun rose, the Cullens would want some answers. I could hear Carlisle already, telling me I was nothing by a burden by her side. The others would back him and help push me out of the door. Esme might be kind enough to wave.

"I don't like them," I muttered bitterly, hugging my knees to my chest.

"I'm not surprised," Bella's soft voice filled the room. I was taken aback she was still awake. Her breathing had been so regular.

"But…they will protect you. They care about you," I whispered back, feeling more grudging than relieved. It would have been great if we had gotten here and the Cullens had turned out to be completely useless. There would have been no prospect of separation on the horizon.

"They're good people," she said, which summarized why they annoyed me so much. They definitely were good, they cared about her, and despite their mediocrity I could tell they knew how to fight. Not to mention their weird aversion to human blood. It made it easier to trust them.

It was so much easier to resign than to keep fighting, "I can finally leave you."

I really was a coward, everything despicable in this world that crawled on the dirt. There had been options at the beginning. I could have left, easy as that. The many regrets and bad choices were what made up my life. My endless life.

There was creak on the bed and I felt Bella's soft touch as she tugged on my hair. It was somewhat awkward. Aside from the usual gesture of distress and fright that made her take my hand or throw her arms around me, she had never touched me willingly. Well, she was half asleep so I guess it did not count.

"You won't go without telling me, will you Gabe?" she asked, and her faint breath reached the nape of my neck. Her touch and her need of closure with me…why was life so hard?

'_If you knew what I did,' _I thought morosely, '_you would want me gone in an instant._

'_No matter what I do, everything comes out wrong.' _

I wanted to bow down my head in shame, but her hold on my hair kept me from it. In reality, she wanted me to promise her a final good bye, but I did not know if I had it in me. To look at her with a straight face and part…by then she might even know what I had done to her with the Merge. Did I really want to go through that?

No. It would end up killing the tiny morsels of humanity that were floating through my dead veins. But this was what she wanted, a marginally sentimental parting. What would she do if I told her I did not want to go? That I wanted to stay here and have her pull my hair every night?

Wishful thinking, that was all it ever came down to.

I had to give her what she wanted, because going along with my personal desires never did anybody any good, including me.

"I'll tell you," I muttered, and sighed hating myself.

"Just let my hair go," I added, unhappy this would not become a routine. Was it weird to like her touching me? I was a hundred times her elder. Was there such a thing as statutory rape in Prague?

"Promise," she ordered in her groggy, half-asleep voice. Only Bella could pull off being bossy while being only semiconscious.

"I promise Bella, now go to sleep," I said, regretting every syllable coming out of my mouth. A promise being made was always in danger of being broken.

Why did my parents give birth to me? Why? If they knew how socially dysfunctional and angry I would become on a daily basis, they would have decided to have Michael as an only child. Only I could not really wish upon any parent to have Michael as their only son. I would have thrown him in a river, had he been mine.

Bella pulled on my hair again, and I considered calling Carlisle to sedate her, "Now what?"

"Gabe, do you think," she began with a faint slur of sleep, "that girl with the red hair, Sable, is she pretty?

"Do you think she is pretty?" she finished still pulling my hair.

Random question.

For a second I completely forgot whom she was talking about. Then I remembered how forward the curly haired girl had been at taking Edward's hand. This was probably still in Bella's mind.

This was dangerous territory. This was the type of situation no man with an emotional handicap like myself, would like to get into. I honestly could not recall what the girl, Sable, looked like. It had not crossed my mind that Bella would care about these minor details. Then again, I had never witnessed how awkward she would get when she was in love with somebody.

"The vampire blood in her is the only thing that highlights her beauty," I began, realizing how awkward, _I _was being. "If she were human, she would be an ordinary looking girl."

Of course, I was lying through my teeth. I just hadn't seen the girl; she might have been gorgeous, for all I could remember. In this case I simply went along with the situation and crossed my fingers Bella would fall asleep.

"Like me," she continued, and I winced. Girls and their silly comments…how did one reply to that?

'Yes Bella, you are an ordinary looking girl, but don't be self-conscious about it,' like that?

I personally didn't think that way, so maybe honesty was the best policy at times, "You aren't ordinary Bella," I replied, terrified she would pick at my words and come up with new questions, "Now go to sleep."

She fell asleep with her hand gripping a strand of my hair. Even in her sleep she didn't allow me to move, just like before. I hoped it was her subconscious acting on the fact that she wanted me with her at all times.

As gently as I could, I pulled my hair from her hand and stood up. My movements were still fluid and fast. I wondered how long that would last. I would have to go feed at some point, but that would mean leaving her. Everything that had to be done meant leaving her side.

The silent mansion irked me, at least the past hotels we had been in had signs of life in them. It was very odd to be with other immortals that were just as silent and fluid as you. I wondered how long it would take for them to discover Bella and I were together again. Not long, probably. If they came I did not have the authority to tell them to go away, or to claim Bella was mine.

I stared down at her and saw the way her chest gently caved as she breathed out. She would soon forget me. I would become the faint memory of "that one immortal guy that took me from home" to her. To me she was…she would be, forever…

A human girl: nothing more and nothing less. If I was lucky, that was what she would become—eventually.

I leaned forward and studied the scratches she had gotten on her chin and cheeks.

'_No more Bella'_, I wanted to say out loud, '_no more constant fear for you'_.

It definitely was not hard to fail at everything; it happened to be my specialty. I was tired at being so good at it. I didn't know how long I could keep this charade of hating everything around me. It was becoming increasingly difficult, especially since I would have given my right arm to remain where I was for another century or two.

It was a reflex move on my part, or maybe I just knew it would be now or never, but I leaned further down and kissed her lips as softly as I could. It was the one human gesture I could give only to her. I could laugh, cry, scream and yell my emotions at other people, but this was just for her. Our faces were impossibly close and I could see faint laugh lines on the corner of her eyes. She had smiled so much when we had been together for some reason. Had I helped to forge those lines on her face? Would there be a lasting impression to show I had done more than just make her cry?

I stood back and looked at her unperturbed expression as she slept on, I was not a prince after all; she would not wake and magically declare we would live happy ever after.

I was a thief. I had stolen a kiss tonight, and she would never know. It was fine; there was no helping it. This would just become one of the hundreds of painful memories I would have a lifetime to forget. I sunk to the floor and sat beside her once more, wishing the sun would never rise.

**I love Gabe, I honestly think my love for him is not healthy. Does it make it worse that I created him? Oh well, please do comment. Do you guys love him as much as I do? **


	11. Stars

**Wow...so, um hey everybody-who-still-might-bother-to-read-this. Sorry...again. There is no denying it, I'm a horrible updater. **

**Stars**

There was an hour to go before dawn when he came. It had taken him longer than I had expected, but when he suddenly materialized by the window far in the corner of the room I was not surprised. The curtain ruffled slightly with the window wide open, but no sound had been made. His agility and stealth were impressive, but I kept the compliments for later and stood up. I turned to look at Bella who slept soundly, mumbling occasionally a word or two. He then gestured at me towards the window with a curt nod before jumping out himself. I didn't want to leave her, but had no choice. This was it for me.

* * *

Carlisle stopped after we had run several miles into a large expanse of forest. If he had turned and chopped off my head to later bury me next to a maple nobody would find me, especially not Bella. I wasn't stupid, but I was aware that my say in any matter had disappeared as soon as the Cullens had let me into their home. I was not going to be a rude guest and start a fight just because Carlisle did not let me pick the place to have our reunion conversation.

He turned abruptly and eyed me coldly.

"Before you begin to tell me how great it is to see me, may I say how good you look? Life with humans suits you. Have you lost weight?" my voice sounded carefully dry to my ears, but I was on constant guard. I positioned my body in an anchored position in case he decided to pounce on me unexpectedly. Carlisle may have been much younger, but it would have been careless of me to underestimate him.

"I am not going to lie to you, _Gabe_," he began shrewdly, "This situation was one I could not have possibly imagined in my wildest dreams. You are protecting a human. Where was I when hell froze over?"

"I don't blame you for not noticing, it's pretty chilly here," I replied annoyed.

"Quit the bullshit Gabriel," he snapped heatedly, "I can tell that this is just the beginning of a serious problem."

"Well not really, it has been going on for a while—"

"A problem for me and my family," Carlisle clarified. I opened my mouth to reply, but realized I had no retort for it. A century ago I probably would have a dozen comebacks that would have made him visibly wince, but now a part of me felt ashamed for putting him in the position I had by coming with Bella. He and his family had been in danger the moment they had opened the doors of the clinic for us.

We stood in silence as he waited for a response and I waited for him to save me from apologizing. Finally he closed his eyes and strained his face, as if he was collecting his remaining patience.

"Gabriel, have you changed?"

I had been prepared to respond, but to the expected question, "Why are you here?" This one I had definitely not anticipated.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, wondering if it was a trick question.

"I'm giving you a break," he said clearly, "Tomorrow you can explain your situation with Bella, but for now you have to tell me the truth about this or else I can't let you into my home. Have you changed?"

My mouth opened and closed, mostly because I was speechless. Had I changed? Yes, I most definitely had. For one thing I no longer had the rank of an Elder in the inner circle of the immortals. The Ban was stamped blatantly on my forehead, and I was being hunted by my kind. I had gone from king to pauper. That was a big change, but I knew that that wasn't what he wanted from me. The Gabriel he knew was insolent and cruel. The Gabriel he knew would have never touched a human with a caring hand, except to break its neck. Most importantly, the Gabriel he knew would have walked into the rising sun rather than admit he possessed these deficiencies of character.

"I have," I finally said with my voice cracking, "are you happy? I'm a happy-go-lucky idiot like you now. Maybe you could teach me how to use a catheter, I could become one of your nurses and heal the world with kisses."

He smirked at my sarcasm, but his expression finally softened, "You need more than kisses to fix this world."

Before I could point out I had not been serious he stuck his hands in the pockets of his trousers and slouched his shoulders: a position of relaxation, of trust. He trusted me to keep from attacking him.

"If you are telling me the truth about this," he began, "then you will have no problem to promise me something."

My old opportunist senses rose from the ashes and screamed at me to say no automatically, but they were too weak against this new thing called conscience.

"What do you want?" I asked carefully, eyeing him suspiciously. Aside from my conscience, I feared that he would refuse to protect Bella if I didn't go on with his request.

"I don't know if Bella has told you about Edward," he began, but stopped to gauge my reaction. I kept my face carefully blank and remained silent so that he had no choice but to continue. "The reason why we left Forks was because Edward could not stand the idea that one of us—one of our kind—would hurt Bella…and then for one to arrive with her in tow after the huge effort it took him, and us, to leave, definitely makes emotions run high. He will make this harder on you, so will the others. Mostly because in his eyes you are putting her in harms way just by being near her, not to mention the fact that you two seem somewhat close.

"Tomorrow simply state why you are here, nothing more. I know how you can be, please don't make this harder on him."

"What exactly do you mean by that?" I asked acidly.

"I guess what I am trying to say is that he loves her Gabriel." Carlisle finally stated point-blank, "and she loves him. Starting a fight for petty reasons, as you are wont to do, will only hurt people."

I couldn't exactly tell, but there was a new emotion that was building up. Was it ire? Indignation? Hurt?

"So the only reason you brought me here was to promise you I would not fight with your trophy boy, is that?" I asked through gritted teeth. He was just standing placidly with his soft expression, almost pitying. It made me angry enough for my fists to clench involuntarily. He was so presumptuous.

"Yes…that is correct. Please play nice with my children, Gabriel. I would hate to have to fight you. I believe you would not want to do that, especially in front of Bella, am I right? So can you please lay your pettiness aside and give me your word?"

My stoic silence made him sigh in genuine weariness, "This promise is as much for your sake as it is for mine, more so I'd say."

"I don't see how it would benefit me," I scoffed derisively, "With all due offense Carlisle, I would not mind pulling some of your boy's hairs, especially if he continues to prod my mind. I don't know if you can tell, but right now I have nothing I can call my own. For that prick to go prying into the one thing I thought no one would ever have as if it's his god-given right makes me a little angry, do you understand?"

Carlisle stared me down for a while and I was beginning to think he would leave me hanging just to irritate me but he finally spoke, "If you were to hurt Edward I don't think she would ever forgive you."

This time he let the silence drag, it was up to me to break it. During this entire conversation I had held my ground mostly because of my hard ingrained stubbornness. Part of me did hate to give into whatever he wanted—or whatever anybody wanted from me at all. Had he figured out that by admitting to change I had exposed much more of myself? If that was not the case, how was it that he had formulated an argument he knew I could not deny?

There was just no use questioning it anymore; I was a bona fide happy-go-lucky human-loving idiot, and he was going to take complete advantage of it.

"I promise."

* * *

There was no greater thing than waking up to the smell of bacon in the morning—or so I was told. If you happened to be an immortal you would prefer the pig alive and running. Otherwise it was just another overwhelming aroma.

As Bella breathed softly behind me I wondered how long it would be before they came to get her. It had been a stressful night after I had returned from my special rendezvous with Carlisle. The house had been uncomfortably still by that time.

I had been around mortals so long that I had grown accustomed to hearing a sound from every little movement they made. Their very presence created a symphony of sounds with the beating of the heart, gush of the arteries and occasional grinding of the teeth. The past quiet life I had had for so long was washed out of my system.

I closed my eyes and fought to concentrate on the sound of Bella's breathing while trying to tune out the cacophony of pans coming from downstairs. Who was cooking? Carlisle? It was not that hard imagining a frilly apron on him, but no. It was probably Esme. She was the motherly type who probably baked cookies for the human children in the neighborhood instead of actually eating and sucking the kids dry. That wasn't a bad idea…reeling in the bait with cookies. I'm sure it worked extremely well. I could bake brownies and pass them around in the neighborhood park. Children would come to me like crack addicts to coke…beautiful.

_You are a raving imbecile._

I blinked and immediately the surrounding sounds of the kitchen and Bella filled my ears. My mind had run off randomly for a while. It occasionally did that nowadays. I strongly suspected it was a manifestation of mind deterioration for being around Bella for as long as I had.

"Rosalie, can you go wake up Bella? I'm almost done with her breakfast," the deep voice rang in my ears as if it had been spoken right next to me. Well, who would have thought? The giant, muscle boy knew how to cook. He didn't seem like the type who would know which end of the butter knife to use.

"It's fine, I'll go get her."

"I do not think that is proper Edward, she might not feel very comfortable with you at the moment. Let Esme go instead," Carlisle intervened immediately. I wondered if he feared I would not honor my promise. Edward aside, I realized it would not be the best idea to remain with Bella. It wasn't like I was a sexual predator of some sort, but she was still a girl after all.

The kiss I had given her last night flashed in my mind like strobe light until it made me light-headed to think about it. My insides quivered in an odd way and I winced. If I had had blood running through me, my face would have been red with shame. The massive age difference between us made it worse. I felt like a lecherous old man.

Only a depraved pervert could kiss a girl while she slept. It had not been fair on her either. She did not get the choice of throwing heavy objects or slapping me.

I realized it was bad for my overall well being to be around Bella. Not only was she morphing me into a mindless imbecile, but a pervert too. I stood up and wondered where to go. Maybe if I went into her old bedroom they would just get confused and think that we had traded our room assignments.

"It will be fine, we slept countless of times together, Bella won't mind if I see her bed head," Edward replied, sounding closer to the stairway. The queasiness in my insides abruptly stopped and the sound of grinding teeth in the room did not come from Bella. He certainly was a presumptuous little prick. I was used to seeing her bed head as well. She tended to throw pillows or books at me if I saw her before she combed it down, but I _had_ seen her. Why did he assume that after all this time he still possessed the right to see her hair looking like a pigeon nest? It had been _me_ whom she had had in her life these past months. I had more right than anybody to see her looking hideous in the mornings—or kiss her at night…well, maybe not that.

Bella had actually wanted him in her bed with her, but what about me? Where did I belong? Had it just been consequential on my part?

In the nanosecond I heard him running up speedily I flopped down again. Besides her was my rightful place. Everybody could dispute it, but I had earned the right to remain there.

The empty bedroom next door made Edward go into a prissy fit.

"She's not here! Gabriel!"

Wow, it had not taken him long to point fingers, had it? Others came running immediately up the stairs as if a national emergency was taking place.

"Where is she?" Edward yelled at them in the hallway. Just how thick did you have to be to not notice her beating heart? She was the only human in the _entire_ house.

"Edward, please calm down!"

"She's not there!" I could not help but laugh a little bit. Bella started to rustle the sheets behind me and sat up muttering incoherently. I felt the bed shudder as the door banged open, sending small pieces of chipped wood flying from the where the door came to impact the wall. I had to admit he posed as an impressive figure as he barraged through the doorway looking murderous. If the situation had merited his overreaction I would have not been amused at the capacity of his rage.

The situation was turning ridiculous. It was true that I was enjoying myself, but we could not keep living a life of sitcoms.

"Just because you don't sleep doesn't mean you have to wake her up so early," I told them softly, hoping they'd leave, but of course that was only wishful thinking.

"Bella, I thought I had given you the room across the hall," Esme intervened, coming to stand before the bed and Edward, as if he would pounce at me without warning. Unfortunately, Bella made the situation worse by opening her enormous mouth and told the entire room that she was used to having me in the room as she slept. Now, I don't remember my dear mother, but I imagined that the horrified expression on Esme's face as she stared at me might have been hers. It made me squirm in the inside. I was not an old, lecherous pervert…I wasn't…it just happened that I liked sleeping in a closet. And yeah—so I might have sniffed her hanged coats and sweaters more than what was considered healthy, even for a starving vampire, but it was not like I would stand over her at night and stare at her as she slept.

Last night did not count.

"Closet, he usually stays in the closet," she attempted to save face, shooting me a worried look.

Carlisle shot me a wide-eyed look that did not mask his amazement and said slowly, "In…the closet."

I could not look away from his amazed gaze that slowly turned into that odd look he had given me at the clinic. It was a searching look, with brief exultation. What was he thinking, and why did it annoy me so much? It was as if he was seeing something far beyond my understanding, and enjoyed not sharing it. Whatever it was, it somehow gave him an upper hand over me.

"He would stay with you—in your closet?" Edward was saying, his voice getting lower in intonation. The corners of Carlisle's mouth turned and he raised an eyebrow at me. Instantly I knew he was thinking how un-Gabriel like I had been behaving. It made me wince inwardly. I had mocked him endlessly for his affection for humans. Now, I had joined his team, somewhat unwillingly, but here I was nonetheless.

"I suppose you are going to feed her, she hasn't had anything for a while," I said trying to change the subject but my words only made him stare amazed at me.

"I'm not hungry," Bella muttered beside us, but we all ignored her. The woman Esme held her hands to her face, looking anxiously from me to Edward, as if we would jump each other's throats at any second. Unfortunately for Edward, Carlisle intervened by grabbing him gently by the elbow and pulling him slowly back. He must have said something telepathically to him because they exchanged quick looks. Whatever had passed between them made Edward nod almost imperceptibly and walk briskly out of the room.

"Bella, I'll bring you some of my clothes. You can take a quick shower before you head down," Esme said smiling gently at her, but the tone of her voice remained somewhat strained from the past confrontation.

Bella blinked at us from the mass surroundings of blankets and pillows with her hair mussed. I wondered if she thought all of this was just a dream. She turned to me, as if waiting for directions on what to do.

"You should do as you're told Bella," I mumbled and grabbed one of her feet sticking out. I pulled her effortlessly across the bed until she was almost falling out that she had to stand up. Like always, her abundant grace won over and she tripped on a bed sheet. I caught her and straightened her out easily. She was malleable in my hands, like a mannequin. "Bella, can you please wake up. Unless you want me to wash you myself."

She blinked once more and smiled lazily, "Gabe, you pervert." Esme and her had left and snapped the door shut behind them before I managed to shut my mouth too. It was my turn to blink on the spot like a moron. A pervert? Me?

Oh dear gods, did she know? Maybe she had been awake…she _knew_.

I had never been so mortified in my life…and it had been a very, very long one. What kind of person would let another person kiss them and not say anything? I turned quickly away from the bed; ashamed at the memory it created. The sheet Bella had tripped on got tangled on me and I ended up tearing it while falling gracefully.

It was amazing what a clear perspective could be attained from the floor. For one thing, I realized I had reached an all time low, both literally and figuratively.

Okay, the way I saw it Bella had been awake and realized I had kissed her. After which she had pretended to be asleep for it and then called me a pervert later on. Conclusion?

I was a bad kisser.

* * *

Esme and a hair-dripping Bella returned twenty minutes later to find me seated serenely on the bed.

"Gabe," Bella said stopping shortly, immediately noticing the oddity in the room.  
"What?"

"Did you do the bed?"

I looked at the neat bed around me and mouthed for a second before realizing there was no use lying, "I did, is that a crime?" Bella was about to reply but I continued pointlessly, "We are guests here, why is it wrong of me to show my thanks by doing the bed?"

My innocent and seemingly rational response made Esme smile at me, but Bella knew better. She stared at me through narrowed eyes that clearly said, '_I know you would not touch a bed with a ten foot pole, liar.'_

Of course I had had an ulterior motive for doing the bed. Doing it kept others from doing it, hence keeping others from noticing the torn sheets. Hiding my shame with benevolent acts—that was the way of the wise ones.

Esme took us later downstairs to the dining room where they had set up the table for Bella's breakfast. The pretty boy was there by the chair on the head and drew it out for her. He gave me a quelling look, as if daring me to come further into the room. Taking this as an obvious invitation I walked right behind Bella and took a seat next to her. It was funny how I kept forgetting the promise I had made not too long ago, but making him angry was so much fun! Like picking eggs in Easter; you poked and poked until a happy surprise came along.

"Would you like some scrambled eggs too, _Gabe_?" Emmett, the housewife, asked scathingly, carrying in a laden plate with steaming food.

"Do you have some kids around the house? I prefer five to ten year olds, they taste the freshest," I said airily, "O positive would be perfect, but if you have negative that is fine too, I'm not picky."

Edward and Emmett both hissed at me through bared teeth. There were large windows that had been left open so that the morning sunshine poured in. All of us with the exception of Bella shone like glittery statues that happened to move.

"He's being silly," Bella explained placidly while spreading her napkin neatly on her lap. This was the first proper meal she had had in a long time. I was sure she was determined to enjoy it. " Gabe is like you guys; he doesn't drink human blood. If he did he would have killed me months ago."

The plaintively delivered statement was followed by a dry silence. The Cullens eyed me warily, clearly doubting her words. Edward especially did not hide his fangs entirely, but he did back away from the table.

"You don't want to join us?" I asked him giving him my most winning smile, which happened to show a little fang or two as well.

Something small and cold hit my face. I looked down in time to see a large grape rolling from the table after it bounced off me. Bella gave me a dirty look that clearly told me to behave.

"Please eat and take your time Bella," Esme finally said, coming over to Edward and begin to steer him from the room. "When you are done, we will be waiting for you two in the study, alright?"

Everybody exit the room and Bella finally picked up her fork. I noticed her shoulders relaxed after they had all departed. Their presence made her antsy for some reason, or maybe it was just _Edward_ who did. I let her eat in silence after that. My mind was reeling with last night. Was she not talking to me because she was ignoring me, or because she was just enjoying her bacon? I could not tell, but maybe after she was done she would start yelling and throwing her empty plate at my head.

"Gabe would you like some of my kiss?" Bella finally turned to me and smiled innocently.

"What?" I gasped, shocked that she would bring it up in such a blasé way, "No, why would I? Y-you're disgusting," I stammered edging away from her on my chair. Bella frowned and cocked an eyebrow at me.

"What is wrong with my quiche?" the large muscle freak asked affronted, coming into the room in a flash. He was wearing an apron and held a ladle spoon on hand. Seriously.

"Nothing, it's delicious Emmett, I had no idea you were such a good cook," Bella said taking another bite of the egg tart. Once more I felt my mouth hanging without reason. Quiche, not kiss. I was an idiot.

"Yes, delicious, great, awesome protein. Everybody has to eat it," I babbled absentmindedly as Emmett shot me a poisonous look and headed back into the kitchen.

Bella turned to me with a worried look, "Gabe, are you alright? You've been acting funny all morning."

"Funny? Funny how?" I snapped looking at everything else in the room except for her.

"I don't know," she said slowly between bites, "A little jumpy, I guess."

"Elders don't jump Bella," I grumbled while playing with her butter knife. Bella reached over and gently touched my hand. I jumped a foot in the air and let the knife fly off into the air. It clattered nosily on the tile ground and made the muscle head poke his head in again to scowl at me for a second.

"Gabe?" Bella said softly as I retracted my hand sharply as if she had shocked me. I didn't answer and stood up quickly, almost knocking the chair behind me. I heard her put her fork down and stand up. I started to pace but I felt her grab my shirt and hold me in place. "Are you alright? Are you nervous because we have to explain ourselves right now? You don't have to worry about that Gabe. I know Edward and Emmett look like they are out for blood but Carlisle is a fair man. He'll hear us out, and I'll make sure they know how much I trust you. It'll be okay."

_I trust you_…I knew those three words would haunt me later, but I could only deal with one pink elephant in the room at a time.

"Were you awake?" I blurted turning to her. She looked up at me blankly and said slowly, "Yeah, I'm awake now."

"No, last night. Were you awake…_then_," I choked out feeling like an idiot. If she had been aware I had to apologize, if she hadn't—I just had to forget about it. It had been nothing. It had meant nothing. Parents kissed their children all the time it was not uncommon. I just didn't want her to think I thought of her in that way…and yeah, I did, but she didn't have to know about it.

Bella looked up at me and suddenly smiled, "Wow, you really need to feed don't you? You are speaking gibberish." She turned and sat back down to finish her food.

Slowly I sat back down and watched her eat. There was no sign that she was lying. She hadn't been aware at all…for some reason that did not make me feel any type of relief. A masochistic side of me wanted for her to have known. I looked as she kept eating placidly and felt for the first time that I had done the right thing at bringing her here. Before it had only been empty words about how much the Cullens were better and how they would protect her. The thing was that they _were_ better. As much as I wanted to scorn them for being flighty and full of rainbows, they were good people. Me? I would have sucked Bella dry had I been given the chance. Even now I doubted myself. If the ban were to be removed who was to say I wouldn't lose myself and kill her automatically? I feared I was more likely to kill her than kiss her, given the chance.

"Almost over," Bella muttered giving me a guarded look.

"Yes, I know," I sighed and slumped on my chair, "It took a while, but it'll soon be over."

I played with her napkin ring on the table, but it took me a moment to realize that there was no more noise of utensils against plate. Looking up I met Bella's wide brown eyes. A few months ago the look she was giving me would have confused me, but now I could clearly tell what it was; sadness and anger.

"I meant I'm almost done with my food," she clarified in a clipped tone turning away, "But I guess your mind is in other things."

She pushed her plate away sharply and stood up, "But if you are in such a hurry, lets go and end it. You'll leave right away, right?"

I stared as she pushed her chair carefully in and simply stood still, staring away from me. I knew she was waiting for me follow suit, but my carefully honed social skills told me she was not a happy camper. It had happened again: I had stuck my foot in my mouth again and it had not even been intentional this time. Not that it was the rest of the time, but I knew this time was a little worse than others. Her feelings were hurt because she thought I wanted to be rid of her quickly, which was true in a sense, but she didn't have to know that. Though she was waiting for me I could tell she was avoiding looking directly at me and her nostrils were flaring with pent up anger. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. Danger was near.

"Gabe," she said in a tone that almost produced visible icicles in the air, "we should get going, _now_."

"I'm in no hurry," I said but stood up hurriedly. If I were human my palms would have began sweating. William Congreve must have met a Bella at some point in his lifetime because it was certainly true that hell really had no fury as a woman scorned. Scary stuff.

She began to walk off but I copied her and grabbed her shirt to pull her back, "Bella, you usually ignore everything I tell you. Why can't this be any different? Forget it, just this once, okay?"

"I am here, safe and sound. Why don't you just leave now?" she replied angrily trying to tug her shirt free.

"If I said I do not want to leave soon I would be lying," I said irritated and she finally stopped struggling, but I got a sharp smack on my grabbing hand anyways, "but that is besides the point. It won't be happening for a while, so just give it a rest Bella. Forget it and love me already, you know how sensitive I can be. You are hurting me with your thoughtless words."

Bella gaped at me for a second until she remembered that almost everything that came out of my mouth was sarcasm, "Gabe, I hope you shrivel away with old age."

"You don't mean that."

"I do, and I also hope you get scurvy and mad cow."

"Why would I want an angry cow? Do they bite?

"You're a moron."

"That is why we get along so well, there is a common denominator."

I covered her mouth with my hand and patted her head with the other, "Lets just get through this and then you can kill me with your poisonous words, alright?"

Bella paused for a moment and eyed me beadily but finally nodded stiffly giving a muffled, "eh heht tuuu."

"I heht you too sweetie."

"We're ready for you, are you done?" Edward suddenly appeared at the hall entrance and gave me a withering look that showed he had heard and seen everything.

* * *

The actual explanation of the events did not take long, but it felt like a lifetime as the both of us sat in the middle of the Cullens and the red headed girl. They stared at us as if we were jumbo pieces of a jigsaw puzzle: if they stared hard enough at us then everything would go into place. Bella made a half-assed attempt to explain the situation but she began to falter midway. I tried to deal with the situation in a suitable manner, but my natural born grace would not let me. On an occasion or two I would end up making things worse, who knew?

It wasn't until the pretty boy (who wasn't as stupid as he looked and sounded) brought up the problem of Bella's scent.

"Your smell!" he blurted angrily, as if he was experiencing a bout of Tourette's syndrome. Bella looked startled at his direct address and I would be lying if I didn't say this new turn of conversation made my insides clench, especially when Carlisle's eyes rested heavily on me before turning on her.

"Why don't you smell like yourself Bella?" he asked softly, which contrasted with Edward's rash tone, "Emmett told me that that was the reason they didn't know you had arrived in the city, and I didn't even recognize the smell myself when you were brought to the clinic."

I lied. It was apparently a very good and credible lie because Carlisle and the others only blinked two or three times before believing me. It was too easy. They were too gullible. Even as Bella interposed and began to give extra information as to why we were being persecuted because of our "accidental" merge of scents my hands were balled into nervous fists no one had noticed. A bomb-like countdown was going in my head, waiting for the moment when Edward or any of the others would stand up in a huff, point a dramatic finger at me and declare me a liar. It wasn't until the girl with the crazy red hair interjected and claimed to know others who were capable of doing what had happened that I finally thought my head was going to explode.

Seconds later it turned out that I did not have to worry so much because the Cullens were turning out to be like those type of pretty people that did not have much up in the head: they did not get it. The girl called Sable clearly stated that some vampires from Norway could do it, this implied it could be done at will. Only that piece of rational information passed over their produce-topped heads. _They did not get it._

I followed and supported my growing lie until it was flawless; until it turned me into a sort of martyr-like saint who had watched over Bella like a big brother. I was such a great vampire that only cared for her safety first and foremost. I was superman and she was my Lois Lane…only I had enough dignity to never wear my underwear outside my pants.

My status reached an ultimate hypocritical high when the angelic Esme came forward and beamed, "Thank you Gabriel, you kept our Bella alive, we owe you more than words can express."

"_Your_ Bella?" I asked amused, "I hadn't realized she was _'yours'_, otherwise I would've wrapped her up for you with a nice bow."

What ensued after my usual witty remark, which I enjoyed delivering very much, was one of those things Carlisle had warned me against doing. What had been his precise words for the consequences? _Starting a fight for petty reasons, as you are wont to do, will only hurt people._

The blonde vampire who had a pretty face but kept ruining it with a constant sneer said, "She wasn't ours, she was Edwards."

Instantly I felt rather than saw Bella's stiffening posture. Carlisle's neck tightened and Edward had the decency to look startled and remorseful as he turned rapidly to Bella, but both then glared at the girl. Thanks to all of my centuries of appearing bored—mostly because I _was_ to begin with—I managed to control my composure. Carlisle had been right, my idiocy tended to hurt others. Unexpectedly, this time I had been one of the casualties.

It came as expected when Carlisle spouted that Bella and Edward loved each other, it was another for someone random like the sour-faced vampire to state it so clearly. Bella had been his. Willingly too.

All the smiles, grasped hands, stolen kisses…they held no true meaning if the core foundation consisted only of a part, not two.

Unable to stop the train wreck I had begun Bella finally reacted, "I was nobody's! I'm my own person, not some object somebody can claim and discard!"

Once her voice reached the highest level it could before it broke off Bella strode out of the room, leaving us all in a dead silence before Esme, of all people, broke it.

"Roselie, I told you not to mention any of that," she snapped uncharacteristically.

"It's fine," Edward muttered distractedly, his eyes glued to Bella's empty chair for a second but began to follow her, "I'll go talk to her."

"It's not fine, and if you go bother her I'll gut you and put your head on a pike."

It hadn't happened for a while, but I felt the murderer in me take hold once again. Before I knew it I had gotten to my feet and placed myself in his way. My hand held his throat, just tight enough to hold him in place. All this had happened even before Bella had reached the door to exit the house. We all heard it shut behind her and I finally released him. Surprisingly he backed off eyeing me guardedly and even Carlisle kept back and didn't rush to placate me or defend him, probably because he was shocked himself.

At times like these I wondered how bad my tempered actually was. I had not gotten around to ask Bella about it: she was an expert by now. The rest of the room was staring at me as if I was some type of…well, monster. For some reason their reaction unsettled me. I took a small step back and saw my reflection on a sun-shaped mirror behind a paler than usual Esme.

I could not remember the last time I had fed, but my eyes gave it away. They were coal black, but there was no definition between pupil and iris. The darkness had even begun to consume the surrounding white. In my anger I had bared my fangs to an alarming point. I really was monstrous. To let myself be close to Bella like this frightened me.

I closed my eyes at this old Gabriel I had once been so fond of. Now he was just a bad memory that made all my misery possible. I took a step back from Edward and forced myself to breath. In less than a minute I had fully composed myself. My eyes returned to a somewhat normal state, albeit still black, and my fangs became normal canines.

"I'm going to speak with Bella now," I said to the room at large, but turned to Carlisle who was still staring at me at a distance, "Can you take me to a place to go feed when I come back?"

Carlisle gave me a single nod and went over to keep Edward back from stopping me.

Once outside their line of sight I rushed to where Bella was. I followed our mingled scents that really did compliment one another. It was as if they were meant to mix. My senses were all on edge after having seen my transformation, but once the back of Bella's head came into view it all made sense.

I suppose it is rather cryptic to put it that way, but in a way it all did fall into place and make sense. Why I had run to Carlisle for help even though the idea had repulsed me, why Bella had been the one to find me and in a way raise me as a normal being. It made sense why our lives had meshed as they had. I had watched her, I had seen the misery in her eyes because of what she lacked: Edward.

In a way we had both been put into each other's lives to fix each other and fill the missing pieces. She had made me capable of surviving in this world and I had brought her to what she really wanted. It all made sense.

Even so, as I saw her bowed in the cold and felt sane once again, it all felt like a punishment more than anything.

"If it makes you feel better, I never thought you were an object," I said lamely, hoping against all hope that she wasn't crying.

Thankfully she turned to me with her wide eyes more startled than tearful, "It does, a little."

"You talked too much to be an object," I muttered turning to look at an old birdbath she was entranced with. I poked at a frozen leaf and felt miserable all the while. Not because breaking dead foliage out of frozen water does not posses any entertaining qualities, but because I hated epiphanies more than I hated hair product, and I felt one approaching at an alarming rate—an epiphany, not hairspray.

"I thought you were trying to make me feel better," Bella's soft voice attempted at her old bantering tone, but she couldn't quite accomplish it. I continued playing with the leaf but it could only help our awkward silence so far. My horrid reflection kept me from attempting to make her feel better. I was a step away from regressing to that form. Bounty hunters were not the only ones that could break Bella's neck in a fit of anger.

"Carlisle is taking me somewhere to feed," was the only thing I managed to say. I was acting cowardly, especially since I had promised her hours ago that I would say good-bye. I knew it was time for me to leave now, and I knew she did too, at least I hoped so.

"You're leaving me by myself with them? Can't I come too?" she asked with wide, suddenly desperate eyes.

"I asked Carlisle the same thing but the mind-reading idiot complained, so no, you can't come," I answered promptly, not even surprised at the rapidness and validity of my lie. I was detaching, and fast. How did I say my final bye? With a smile, a nod, or should I try the impossible and go for a hug? Maybe a handshake. It was a difficult choice to make, especially when I was feeling more hesitant and devastated than I had ever had in my life. I assumed that waking after Michael had transformed me had not been a day of fireworks and confetti, but I didn't see how it could have topped this inevitable separation.

"Edward and I were together for some time, it ended on September…a little after my birthday," Bella said suddenly, as if saying what kind of toothpaste she used and explained its many handy-dandy uses. It left me stunned that she would even bring it up to begin with, but it wasn't devious of her. She did not know me; she did not know what was inside. Mostly because I would have died rather than let her. Edward was a prick.

"We have to leave now," I managed to say, even though my brain was not functioning. I wanted to say good-bye, I really did, but she just had to go and make it more difficult with her flat-out explanation that I had not wanted to hear, especially not from her, "The other five will stay here with you they seem useful enough. The bounty hunters come either single or in pairs, so they will be able to handle it."

"Will you come back?" she finally asked, and because I was a coward more than anything I allowed myself to lie.

"Yes, I suppose I will."

In my mind it was perfectly rationalized just as I had rationalized our fateful meeting: despite her good influence on me, I was still a soulless creature. Lying was in my very breath. Breaking promises was part of my warped ethical code. I started to leave and I wanted for her to stop me. For some inane reason I wanted her to instinctively know I was leaving and never coming back. Just as I had secretly wished she had known of that secret kiss I had given her. Was she really that dense? I knew she was hurting, but couldn't she look into my eyes and see how similar they were right now? I wanted to keep her and I wanted her safe. I wanted for her to know of my impossible emotions and I would have died rather than to have her reject them. Why couldn't she see all of this? Why couldn't she just turn and instantly realize I wanted her to _stop_ _me_?

"Bella, I'm disappointed in you," I blurted angrily. She turned to me and slightly surprised and asked, "Disappointed, why?"

At the end I could only deliver a plain and flimsy insult that brought us back to our old selves. That was my gift to her.

"Even as a feeble human girl I thought you would've had better taste, but I guess I was wrong."

Rounding the side of the house I saw Carlisle and Edward standing in front of the house. Even before I reached them Edward began to make his way to the back. We passed each other without any type of interaction. There was no insult I could make, or threatening look to give that would make me feel better. She was not coming to grab my shirt and hold me back, not anymore.

"Lets go," I managed to mutter. Whatever Carlisle managed to see in my face or eyes kept him from saying anything. He only began to run and I followed, disappointed that the last I saw of Bella she was not even thinking of or seeing me.

* * *

The sky was covered with specks of light that had taken millions of years to get to earth. To look up was to look at the past. As I lay sprawled on the moist dew, I wondered if all my past mistakes could be seen up there too. Maybe they were like the really dull stars, or like the brightest ones showing how great my never-ending idiocy was. Whoever said wisdom came with age is an idiot. So many years had flowed past and though I had gone through so many different ways of living my life I was still immature and childish.

There were too many promises I had broken that laid sprinkled behind me, like broken pieces of mirror that reflected my shamed face up to me and rendered my life unlucky.

The facade had fallen, and I had found myself back to where I started: alone and low on the dirt.

"It amazes me how you don't fight back," Carlisle was saying softly somewhere above me, "I guess you _do_ realize the extent of your actions. I thought you had _changed._"

I sat up on my elbows and glared at him standing not a few yards away looking down at me.

"Will you leave on your own accord?" he asked coming to stand by me. His pale golden eyes shone with disillusion, "What will you do now? You have hurt her enough…"

Yes, I had hurt her. She had never once questioned the disgusting lies spurting brazenly from my mouth, and now I was breaking the promise she had drawn out of me. Carlisle was amazed how I was not getting up and fighting back, but I just couldn't do it right now. There was this inner shame eating my insides, making me heavy. I thought telling Carlisle the truth about my actions would make me feel better, but his angry blows at me did hurt in every way. He had had higher expectations of me, I knew this now, and I had let him down.

The reminder of Bella's wide eyes looking at me with trust and her hands holding onto mine because she wanted me with her…it was gnawing and gripping me painfully inside. It took all of my self-control to keep it from showing on my face.

"Don't tell her, okay?" I asked him softly after a while. He moved back, perhaps thinking I was about to fight back but instead I laid back on the ground again, "I won't follow you back, so don't tell her what I did."

Carlisle paused for a moment, considering for a moment, but he ended up taking pity on me, "There won't be any need if you stay away. Don't come back Gabriel, there is no room for a monster like you."

With that a gentle gust of air stirred my hair and he was gone.

I looked up at the distance stars; the million mistakes twinkling. I covered my face with my arm. There was no need to be reminded of my blunders when I was living one right now.

'_Don't tell her, don't tell her Carlisle, don't tell her_,' I kept thinking like a mantra I was praying to myself, '_don't tell her…please don't tell her…'_

_Don't tell her I'm a coward._

**Sorry for the mediocre update. I PROMISE to update again this month, seriously. I'm not even sure if people are interested anymore, but I swore I'd see this story to the end. So review, comment, flame. I am still going on with this.**_  
_


	12. Failing Closure

**Hello there...so I promised to write before the end of the month. Technically it is 11:54 right now...does that count? Damit, it counts! it's not August yet. This chapter is meant to tie the story together, kind of like a filler. If I were to skip parts just to get to the good stuff right away I would be ruining it. That aside, I really enjoyed writing Gabe's little adventure. A sadistic type of enjoyment.**

**

* * *

**

Failing Closure

There was no sound, no smell….

I did not know how far I had gone away from the Cullens' home but I no longer had any sense of closeness to Bella. Her heartbeat had faded completely and for a brief moment I actually believed she was gone in every sense of the word. It created a mini panic attack that took all my will to control and completely subdue. The irrational side of my mind had screamed at me that Bella's disappearing heartbeat meant it had stopped. It was moronic reasoning on my part, but I could not help it. The only solace I had was the faint prolonged merge. It was a stupid move on my part, but I refused to lift it from myself. I wanted that closeness to her no matter how restricted. There would be no more occasions to sit in her closet or kiss her in the dark, so I had to compensate. The faint lingering scent in my surroundings helped to keep me sane and willing to comply with the final resolution: leaving her.

So I did the only sensible thing possible in this situation: I went on vacation. It didn't strike me until the third day after I had left Prague, but I really was. With money I would pickpocket from dozens of strangers I managed to keep myself in third-rate youth hostels. I know the concept of youth was lost when it came to me, but it was this or finding a nice cover or rat hole to keep myself in during the sunny times of the day. Thanks to the large amount of wild game in the area Carlisle had left me, I had hunted to my heart's content. Looking back on it, I had overdone it an insy-bit. At occasions I would find myself choke-holding foxes just because they had a copper or red-like pelt and beady, conceited eyes. They would remind me of somebody, but I could not quite put my finger down on whom.

Slowly but deliberately I made my way away from Prague. My feet dragged behind me as if they were filled with cement. The small annoying voice in my head continued to chant, _'Look at Gabe go, he's a real dolt.' _ I wasn't sure what irritated me more; the fact that it was true or that it rhymed. My mind reeled and I was running out of activities to keep myself distracted. I had gone as far as to steal a small nondescript car and drive around instead of running, just to save my strengths. I also told myself it would serve as a means for entertainment, particularly since I had never driven in my life. It looked pretty easy: move the steering wheel where you wanted to go, accelerate and brake. It was cake.

Or so I thought. I slammed, totaled and ran into a ditch five cars before I realized driving was too time consuming, and I was tired of smelling brake fluid every time I would crash. That fun was out of the window quickly enough. It serves to prove how desperate I was for the distraction that I later thought I could learn how to ride a bike. I approached it when the rider got off and walked away, but the idea of mounting it was what finally broke the ice I had set myself in. Days had passed after leaving Bella, _days_, and yet I was behaving as if it had been an eternity.

This imaginary lapse of time had caused me to have a mental breakdown. I had given up only the mundane physical traits that made me who I was. I no longer slept outside, I did not run and I no longer looked at humans as carnage. I looked at them as what they were: living, breathing, materialistic drones. High five for the misanthropist outlook!

At some point I grew tired of this new façade I was building for myself. It felt pathetic and left a bad aftertaste of misery. By the fourth day I was frothing at the mouth through my lunacy. In the streets every girl or woman with dark hair were Bella. They would, smile, frown, even cough like her. Wide dark eyes hounded me from every possible corner. Even small children with big brown eyes would make my head turn. Gods help me; this malady was making me into a pedophile too.

Compared to the time when I had left Michael in exile for a hole in the ground, this was hell on earth. My chest ached mostly because I was panicking that Carlisle would break his word. How could I face her again if she knew? Her obvious trust in me grated my insides like a stubborn ulcer. Since I could not sleep or pass out I would spend twenty-four hours straight feeling tormented.

I was supposed to be a vicious killing machine, but I only found myself pounding walls down in rage because I was slowly forgetting the sound of her voice. Not even a week had passed but small details were fading away. I could picture her perfectly in my head but the feel of her warm skin and the rhythm of her heart were slipping gradually from my memory like water in cupped hands. There was no stop button to press. The harder I would try to hold on the faster it would leave me.

It made me wonder how long it would take for me to forget her face as well. I knew I would never be able to forget "Bella" or the whole concept of her, but there would come the time when I wouldn't be able to recall details about her. She would be like a passing thought that resembled the paradoxical feel of nice daydream: pleasurable in its possibilities but bitterly disappointing in its falsehood.

Nights had meshed into days after I had forced myself to run from Prague. Before I had admitted my dirty little secret to Carlisle he had informed me they were going to move Bella from Prague to a farther and safer place. His complete idea was to take Bella and me, to protect _both _of us. My conscience forced me to open my mouth before he could tell me the new location. I couldn't know where they would keep Bella; it was for the best. Instead of doing the rational and callous thing by accepting his helping hand, I had done a one-eighty turn and slapped him in the face. Not literally, of course. Slapping was for weaklings who cringed at loud noises and squealed in high-pitched tones—like Edward. What I meant was that by expecting more of me Carlisle had received a sharper blow with the truth. I was not sure why he had had such high hopes for me. It was more logical for him to hate my guts; especially after the great treatment I had always given him.

After I bypassed Helsinki, I chose to settle in Turku. Having water close by was soothing; an extra escape route never hurt anyone. The only flaw to this new move was the unwelcoming presence of other immortals that were already there. This did not come as a surprise. There had always been a large nomadic group of individuals that would travel these lands, sometimes as small groups or solitary. The lack of sun for extended periods of time was ideal for a free range of hunting. I felt their surprise as I entered the city limits in the sense of great movement. The scent of an elder was as telltale as a great flashing beacon. Many fled and others stopped in their spots like deer in the headlights, or maybe they thought that if they didn't do any sudden movements I would not notice their presence. I hesitated and wondered if the smart thing to do would be to reverse and take a new route, but the action would have been cowardly. There was no way I could walk away after being noticed. I may have lost my sanity, but I still had my dignity.

As I made my way into the depths of the city life the darkness felt like a thick mantle, and the cold actually felt biting. I did not know if it was because of my weakened state or because my mentality was frail, but occasionally there would be a goose bump or two rise. I swear they were there.

It did not take long before a brave soul approached me. She was small with Asian features, and so thin that for a second I wondered if she was a starving newborn. Her hair was straight and stretched down to her calves. The calm thoughtful expression on her face and shrew magenta eyes was what let me know she was not new to immortality. There was certain boldness in her stance that was not held by youthful arrogance: she was strong.

This small frail-looking person made me feel like the sham that I was. As an elder I possessed the status to intimidate, but as an animal blood drinking enthusiast that was pinning for a lost sweetheart like a bonnet-toting heroine in a Jane Austen novel I was very vulnerable. She could take me in her bony little hands and squeeze me like wet clay—I just knew it. Shame of this reality and a sudden fear for my life I had not experienced in the longest time overwhelmed me.

"You are very tall," were the first words out of her mouth. Except that the four simple words took at least five times longer than normal. In reality it came out, "You….aare…veery….taaall," with pauses and extensions. I felt like somebody had pressed a slow motion button on her somewhere.

I did not even bother to reply and remained silent, because seriously? How did one reply to an obvious statement? "Yeah, and you are very thin"? I felt like, though it would not have been far from the truth, it would have been very childish of me to point out.

"You…aare….an…..Eldeerrr."

Frustratingly I found myself hanging on to her every word and waiting in vain for any type of information that would be considered new. Mostly I was only wondering if she was here to fight me, but she did not seem in a hurry to attack—or tell me.

"My….naameee….issss….Annnaassstaaaasiiia," I could have sworn this declaration took her a minute per vowel. I could feel my eyes widening in amazement. Was this really happening? Maybe my metabolism had slowed down so much that it had impaired my impression of the world at large. And why couldn't her parents have named her something shorter, like Ana?

I was at such a loss I actually replied blankly, "I'm Gabriel, nice to meet you... I think."

"I….knoooow," whenever she would speak her eyes would remain sharp but her facial expression was as monotonous as the tone of her voice.

"Oh—alright, what do you want?" I asked this in a rush, wishing she would take the hint.

"Yoour…preesscencee…shooockeed…myyy…maaasteer," she continued at the same pace and I felt my shoulders slump in bewildered resignation; this was going to be a very long conversation. Unfortunately her slug-like behavior was driving the very wit right out of me. I found I could not speak biting or sarcastically to her, mostly because it was no fun whatsoever. The pace sucked me dry and made my mind go blank. "Heee….ruuuleessss…thissss…terrriiitooory."

"Okay, what of it? What is the point of this?" I asked desperate, wondering where my life was going. I could have run to China and back if I had wanted to and she probably would have still been standing there enunciating the next consonant.

"Casssstiiigggóne….doooeesss…nooot….waaannntt…poooointlesss….troooubbble…ooooorrr….hossstiiiliitiiees."

"So then why did this Casti person send you?" I asked honestly curious, but she ignored me and kept on going, which only peaked my frustration.

"Yooouuuu….aaarrrre…iiinnnn—"

"In? In what?" I finally cracked under the pressure, "In Finland? In trouble? In love? What? Please just say it!"

"viiiiteedd."

"That's nice, I always like a polite welcome." I gushed and before she could draw in more breath for something else I cut in, "I'm invited to meet with him, right? Okay, don't say more, I'm honored. Just take me, we should go—no time to waste. Take me. Now."

Anastasia narrowed her eyes sourly at me, as if affronted by my rushing attitude. I was not sorry at all; even her scowling expression took a minute to form. It was like watching grass grow. Thankfully she finally nodded and gave a vague motion of the hand in a gesture to follow her. I nodded feverishly and gave a sigh of relief when she started to run. Thankfully she wasn't stunted in that area as well.

Ordinarily I would never have willingly gone to the wolf's den, but this situation was special. One more extended minute with Annnaassstaaaasiiia and I would have ripped the hair out of my head. Maybe that was the master plan all along. This Castigóne person would probably send this thin tortoise to mentally breakdown the enemy and weaken them enough to succumb to anything. It had certainly worked on me. He was a brilliant foe; I made a mental note not to underestimate him. The power of frustration was a scary thing.

* * *

"Heeereee weeee—"

"Yes, yes, we're here, no need to announce it, save your breath," I muttered when we finally stopped outside a rundown barn house yards out of the city limits. We would have gotten here sooner had Miss Slug not had strict law-abiding sensibilities. If a red traffic light or stop sign came up, she would actually stop and wait the needed time even when there were no cars or pedestrians anywhere to be seen. As with her odd speaking I knew it would be no use to hurry her on, so I kept my mouth shut and counted to ten. She might have actually replied back and that would have taken extra long. Once we arrived to the designated spot I was exhausted like a human.

Without being invited or told what to do I decided to enter quickly by opening the large barn doors in such a hurry I almost tore them off. Her slow ways made me antsy to prove that the world around me was the slow one not me. Unfortunately my hurried entrance was met with several pairs of cold and hostile eyes. This would have disconcerted me as it was, but my poor eyes were victims to such an attack of color I could not help but blanch in contrast to this new view. It wasn't just me either: a normal person could have stood outside the weathered-down barn and been equally if not a hundred times more horrified and disgusted as I was at that exact moment. The cavernous space resembled a hybrid cross between a circus and a gypsy's tent. There were so many bright patterns and colors draped on the walls and over the large windows. Large and small lamps of all colors were spread all over the room, including a broken down chandelier that laid in the middle of the ground as if it had fallen at some point and people had just chosen to walk around it rather than pick it up. Oddly enough it still emitted light to the room. There was no dirt or hay to be seen, only luxurious carpets and sofas dispersed to offer only comfort. Up to a dozen vampires were lounging lazily on them and they gazed back at me with annoyance as if I had disrupted their midnight nap. A long moment passed in which everybody stared and I refused to walk in further. They looked so lazy and tired I feared they were all like Anastasia. The very idea made my mouth dry and hands shake in terror. Vowels enunciated longer than a second…my new hell on earth.

"Elder! Welcome!" the booming voice made me jump, but the normal speech felt liberating to my ears. A tall immortal man with flowing black hair almost as long as Anastasia's and wearing a flamboyant costume that made him right at home in this demented place came with outstretched arms and a huge grin plastered on his pale face.

What happened next I put the entire blame on my wrecked nerves caused by Anastasia's eccentricity and the seizure-inducing colors of the psychedelic barn. My brain had cease function back at the fifth red light we had stopped on, so when the freak with the ringing voice (beaming at me like I was a shinning king) took my face in his hands and kissed me lightly I didn't react.

I would have liked to say I was entirely confident in my masculinity that a quick kiss by another man did not faze me, but I was really just in shock. Even as he proceeded to kiss both of my cheeks too all I could do was stare with wide eyes that screamed for mercy.

"O-okay," I stuttered pushing him gently away and stepping back, "You just…no you didn't—I'll pretend you didn't. I-I'm going to go and—do something…" I looked behind me at the darkness outside that looked so comforting to the crazy colors before me, "…over there."

As if on a silent cue Anastasia moved breezily and pulled the barn door securely shut, trapping me.

"Ah, this is an honor!" the kissing fiend continued gaily (no pun intended) and he grabbed me by the elbow to steer me further into the room. "When I felt your presence I knew immediately this was a moment of great change and opportunity! An elder of great power coming to our great Turku! I am Castigóne, and you are?"

"Heeesss Gaaaabbbrrrieeeell," Anastasia replied after a long prolonged moment of silence in which Castigóne expected a response and I stared at him in frozen horror.

"Ah Gabriel! How angelic," he laughed at his own joke, but I was not the only one who gave him a blank stare. The lounging immortals stared on with no interest even as he turned and addressed them, "Look everybody! An elder is in our midst, how will we show him a good time?"

No one responded and several actually leaned their head backs in a human expression of tired boredom. This lacking reception did not give me much disappointment, especially when all I could feel was sheer nausea. I had never been the religious sort, but I was positive this was the work of karma. All the horrors I had caused to others, especially Bella, and for all the random kisses I had taken without consent—well just Bella, really—I had been violated as well. I felt scarred for life.

"I'm sorry I sent Annie to go get you," he added in an undertone as he pulled me further into the middle of the room where a crescent-shaped sofa took up space. We walked around the pathetic chandelier as if it was not there, even as trailing pieces of crystals crunched under our feet. "She was the only one up for the job. Many seemed too intimidated at the prospect of encountering you all by themselves."

I highly doubted this. I was willing to bet none of the others had bat an eye after he had requested it.

Once he pushed me down forcefully on the couch and flopped down next to me my mind started functioning enough to grab his smiling face, so close to mine, and shove it away with my hand, "I don't know how many times your mother dropped you on your head as a child, but kiss me again and I'll rip your lips like band-aids."

Castigóne blinked with his grin frozen in place but slid a foot away on the couch giving me breathing space. He paused a second but in no time he was back to his cheery ways. He draped his arm close to me at a distance and laughed, "Feisty! I like that."

"Please don't," I said feeling panic again, but he ignored me and went on.

"You have no idea how boring it is to pass day after day in the company of these many imbeciles. They are far from entertaining. I think a group of drooling lobotomized humans would be more interesting than this lot. Annie is by far the best, and that says a lot doesn't it? I have to reserve a good portion of my day just to have a ten sentence conversation with her. "

Anastasia sat demurely by his side and did not react to his comments. The rest of the room seemed to turn a deaf ear as well, making it clear that it was not the first time they had heard this. She began to hum under her breath and twirl her long hair on her fingers at a rapid pace. Castigóne and I stared at her moving hand's movement until she somehow managed to tie two fingers together with a big knot. She gazed at it vaguely and tried to undo it, but it proved too difficult so she gave up and conformed to sit still and stare at us.

"She's the best one?" I asked dryly.

" It's like scraping the bottom of a very deep barrel, huh?" Castigóne said shrugging.

"What do you want from me?" I sighed slumping back and farther away from him and his draped arm. "I'm not here to brighten up your life with my sunshine presence, I have better things to do with my time. Not that I don't sympathize for your lack of…good conversation."

Castigóne laughed boisterously as if I had said the funniest thing he had ever heard, and for all I knew—I probably had.

"Yes, well I know you are not here to stay. You are an elder after all, are you part of the Priam?" his question sounded innocent enough but an odd sparkle appeared in his eyes, almost malevolent and coveting. I was caught unawares, especially since I did not wear a dog tag of some sort claiming the name of my owners. My silence immediately confirmed his suspicion so he nodded knowingly and leaned forward to give me a friendly pat on the knee.

"Hey! No touchy! I'll rip your hand off!" I snapped icily, but in reality there was turmoil within myself where I was fighting the urge to run in blind panic. If I had left abruptly now it would have shown great weakness on my part. That was the last thing I needed, so I bit my tongue and glared at him, praying to my deceased ancestors to protect my sanity, well-being and overall innocence.

"Heeeee…liiikkeeessss…preeettyyyy…thiiiingsss," Anastasia said giving me an indolent smirk, obviously aware of my discomfort.

Castigóne gave her an indulgent smile and turned to stare at me like a wide-eyed besotted lemur, "How long do you think you will stay here? I think we could have some fun for a while. I know you have to leave for Prague soon, but there is this great church that has a twenty-four hour daycare. The children are exquisite and the nuns are not bad once you get them away from their beads and candles."

"Theeeey…doooon't…liiikke….it…wheeeen…yooouu…seettt….theeeiirrrr…haaaabbiiitt…ooonnn…fiiirrree," Anastasia added thoughtfully, but I hadn't paid any attention. Castigóne's passing casual comment had taken the breath out of me and made my insides freeze.

"How did you know about Prague?" I asked austerely, standing up and pulling him up by the neck. He screeched like the girl I secretly knew he was and tried to push me away but my grip was iron. Anastasia remained sitting but sluggishly tried to reach up for him with her tangled hand. My sudden movement and Castigóne's obvious distress was only cause to make the snoozing group to slightly open their eyes and lift their heads, but only for a moment.

"Know? What do you mean Gabriel?" he asked trying to break my grasp, "You are hurting me!"

"How do you know about Prague? Who told you?" my grip was shaking with anger and fear. This was the farthest thing I had expected; distance was supposed to have been the key to keeping Bella safe, but here I was in a Finish city with crazy vampires who _knew._

"There has been much movement in the form of trackers," Castigóne began, his eyes still wide as they looked at me, "Of course talk gets around. They say the Priam is heading to Prague to kill a coven of traitors. Everybody is talking about it, not just me, please let me go…"

I ignored him and allowed my mind to reel the sufficient amount before it went into cold, outright hysteria. It had all been for nothing: my departure, the declaration of betrayal…everything. It had all been done to keep her safe but now the situation was worse than ever. I would not have worried if it had been simple trackers; I had expected that, but this was different. The Priam may have been morons in my eyes, but they were corrosive with anything they touched. The Cullens would not survive them. Carlisle had said they would take her away and that made me feel better, but who was to say that once the entire family was threatened the ones protecting Bella would cave and give her up? Just how committed were they to her safekeeping?

"Hey—elder, let me go!" Castigóne kept on saying, but I continued to ignore him. Apparently that was not the smartest action on my part because before I knew it he had bent his knees and punched me straight in the gut. The force of the hit not only forced me to let go of my grip, but I went crashing to the barn wall behind me. Surprisingly the structure was stronger than it looked because I slammed into it without creating a gaping hole on it.

It took all of me to stand up immediately and fix my expression to something that resembled anger, not raging pain. The hit had been so strong one of my ribs had broken and pierced into my lung. I was grateful my lungs were not useful anymore otherwise the whole situation would have been a tad embarrassing. So as tiny bursts of light filled my sight and I gritted my teeth against the pain I walked back to Castigóne, unwilling to let them see just how weak I was. If I had been a normal elder that punch would not have even upset or left me breathless. It wasn't the case now: I had a broken rib.

"I'm sorry," Castigóne gushed waving his hands like windmills. Though his face was fixed into a grimace of remorse, his eyes glinted with laughter, "I'm just very impatient, I beg you forgive me elder, it was a reflex."

"Tell me everything you know about what the Priam is up to, and I will try my hardest not to cave in your rib cage with my hands," I said trying not to breath hard like I wanted to so that my empty threat would be more credible to the lunatic mess.

I don't know how or why I had ended up where I had, all I knew was that this was a serious predicament. It did not matter how demented this place really was. The truth was that I was weaker than the worst of them. They could have rolled on top of me like a bunch of overmedicated hedgehogs and it would have been the end of me.

"Why do I need to let you know what is going on with the Priam?" Castigóne asked suddenly shrew, "Aren't you part of them as well? You should know this by now, right?"

"We got separated, I have to go meet them," the lame lie burned my ears and felt heavy coming out of my mouth.

"Heeee…doeeessss…looookk…aaaaa…biiittt…looossssst," Anastasia added. The comment gave me enough time to compose myself and find a neutral stance I could be in without my eyes watering. Once she was done Castigóne turned back at me with a critical eye and eventually nodded briskly as he sat back down again, gesturing placidly at me to join him, as if the hit had never happened. Only it had…my inside Gabriel was sobbing uncontrollably in some deep corner of my mind, so I _knew_ it had.

"Please join me Gabriel, let us not be rash anymore. You are my guest, I will tell you everything you want to know, but next time you want to play rough let me know," he added a sly wink to the last comment that suggested he might not find it adverse. I clung to the pain in order to keep myself from outright gagging. Why was it that every time he looked at me I felt a sudden urge to take a shower? With scalding water….and scrub with steel wool?

Against my better judgment I returned to sit, but at a safe distance, "Who is the Priam going after exactly?"

"I'm not sure, some petty animal suckers," Castigóne said shrugging again. He turned to Anastasia and grabbed her hand to begin the process of fixing the entanglement. The way he quickly went about pulling the hair in the right direction with proper force made it obvious that he had had plenty of practice. "All I know for sure is that this coven has been labeled as traitors. The Priam formally announced that they were to be appropriately stigmatized."

"Do you know what it is they did to be…stigmatized?" I forced myself to ask.

"They sided with an enemy of the Priam, so it has turned into a personal matter for the elders…and now for you too, I'm sure," Castigóne turned from his work and gave me a swift searching look. I nodded curtly and stood up. The movement turned to be much too quick for my taste. It produced a blast of pain in my abdomen that left me lightheaded.

"I have to go join them now that I know their location," I muttered and began my slow retreat. "Thanks for the hospitality," I added as an afterthought, but I could not manage to keep the irony from my voice.

"No! Why so soon? That's not fair," Castigóne groused and stood up just as fast, looking crestfallen. He had been gripping Anastasia's hair tightly so he had dragged her up forcefully with him in his outburst making her let out a dry and prolonged, "ow".

"Well, you know, life is not fair," I babbled walking backwards away from them, "I would have liked to live my entire immortal eternity without knowing the touch of a man's lips, but it seems I have very bad karma."

"Will you come back and visit?" he asked hopefully and Anastasia nodded next to him, "Yessss….vissssssittt…"

"My tourist visa is about to expire, but I will sure try," I said, making them frown. Apparently odd bipolar weirdoes could not appreciate my witty repartee. That, more than anything else, was my cue to make my exit. As I left not a single vampire lying around bothered to look up. Talk about anti-social.

* * *

There is no greater pain than to run while impaled. I learned that the hard way as I rushed back to Amsterdam. Even so, I felt like a rabid dog with a blank state of mind and furry in its blood. I was no longer the target in the Priam's sordid eyes. Every single action since my arrival overseas had exploded on my face. In a way I was still oddly calm, despite my blind furry to get back to Prague as soon as possible. Carlisle said he would move Bella. In all cases she was probably nowhere near the Cullen's home anymore. She would be fine, and in the big picture that was all that mattered. Why was I hurrying back like a madman then? Well, the Priam was a group of powerful elders and the Cullens were…not. It was farfetched to think that I would be able to help, I was very weak and injured, but it felt wrong to let them take the fall for me. The least I could do in this situation was die with them too.

I had turned into a model, virtuous vampire, I know. I was impressed by my selflessness and maturity too.

By the time I reached Prague the city was dead silent on the surface. A calm sheen of mist covered most of, but I couldn't quite enjoy the cooling sensation it created on my skin because I was too busy hyperventilating. The bone was deeply ingrained and by the time I forced myself to stop I landed on all fours coughing out a black substance that could only be dead blood from my lung. I wanted to rest for a minute and let myself fall to the ground, but as soon as I had reached the city limits I knew today was not my day. Not only had Carlisle been incompetent enough to keep Bella in the city, but now there were also trackers roaming everywhere like a plague of rampaging cockroaches. Why was it that things always fell apart without me? Couldn't they do their job correctly once in a while?

As I made my way around the city perimeters without actually going in I realized that the reason there were so many crawling presences around the city was because the Cullens were out there too. It was a relief, especially since none the enemies were as strong as me. The Priam was obviously taking their time, which suited me just fine. What did not aid my case was the black blubber I was coughing every so often. I felt like a dying human whenever I would try to run but was halted only to lean pathetically against a tree. It was not the best of scenarios, but I had been told by Bella plenty of times that I was a raging idiot, and I was of the belief that if people said something enough times it was probably because there was some truth behind it. So I set off to find the trackers one by one.

There was this stupid notion floating in my head, created probably by my unimaginative saintly conscious. I did not want the Cullens to be harmed, especially not by somebody that was after me. If I thought of it in my usual selfish way the reason I was so caring at the moment was because if they did come to harm I would feel indebted to them. Being indebt to such people was…whatever. Justifying myself nowadays was getting to be as excruciating as talking with Anastasia about politics would be.

It was a slow process but I managed to find the first tracker. He looked like a lost librarian, from the gold-wire glasses down to the soft leather loafers. The only reason I managed to entrap him by the side of a darkened dairy farm was because he had been too engrossed in a small map book as he talked to himself. Why a vampire needed a map, especially when he could simply locate his destination by scent, was beyond me. So I took him down, literally. I came from behind and, like one of those bulky football players that have no neck, tackled him to the frozen ground. It wasn't one of my most dignified jobs, but I got it done quickly. By the time he had stopped thrashing permanently I was gasping on the ground like cat with a hairball. Oh if my mother could see her son now…

By the time the third tracker was down I was on the verge of yelling at the Cullens for some support, even if just for the moral kind. I could not do this alone, how had I managed it for so long? The thought echoed in my mind as the fourth tracker bashed my head into an emergency phone booth on the shoulder of a main highway. He got a few good bonks in before I managed to break his right knee and neck. I fell next to him on the ground and watched a few dozen cars pass by without paying attention to the two fallen men by the broken booth. Humans could be so callous.

I managed to drag myself up and shuffled like a zombie away from the scene of the crime. Getting arrested in this condition with the Priam on the way would have been the stupid sort of move only an idiot would make. I should have made Edward come with me, what a wasted opportunity. When the sun started to rise I forced myself to hunt. The blood did enough to remove the fatigue and external wounds, but the broken rib was stuck. I could blow or hold my breath in, but the bone would not come out. The pain was like a second heart beat that gave every so often a throb of pain. There was no immediate solution for this. In this condition I made my way to the Cullen's home. It did not strike me until then that my presence would consider Carlisle's promise to me null and void. He could tell Bella what I had done…no, it was fine. My reason was valid enough to return, and if that was not good enough I could always rip his lips off like I had wanted to with Castigóne.

There was a welcoming committee on the front lawn of the house when I arrived. It gave me a warm gooey feeling inside. They cared, they really cared…

"The trackers just left one by one. When we reached Carlisle his tracker had disappeared already too."

"Did you get to see them? Did you fight them?"

"We were always a good distance from them so there was no real contact."

"How could they have disappeared just like that?"

Okay, maybe they were just clueless idiots who didn't appreciate me enough. I had fought skewered in pain for them. Skewered! Like a shish kebab!

"Well, either all of you are too slow, or I am just that good," I snapped snottily fighting the urge to wince with every step I would take, "I personally believe it was both. None of you managed to catch my scent. It was rather disappointing."

They stared at me, uncannily very much like I had probably stared at Anastasia every time she would open her mouth: shocked and piqued.

Bella was the first to approach me with the incredible hulk by her side. Her blank expression reminded me I had been gone for more than a week. I had broken my promise to her; she could not have missed that little detail. I wondered how long she would hold that grudge, but her hard stare was giving nothing away—especially not how ecstatic she was to see me.

When the hit came all I noticed was the sudden turn in Bella's eyes. As the force of Emmett's blow made me fly backwards there was a nanosecond where a contradicting combination of hurt and affection overcame her blank stare, but I could do nothing. My vision became clouded and pain took over, making me gasp. In my mind I fought for control to go to her. I wanted to turn my body over, but nothing was responding.

Her voice sounded much too far as she said, "Welcome back."

It was like a nightmare of the worst kind: Bella's voice fading and darkness taking me away.

I was unsure how much time passed as I laid on the ground and waited for a pause to the pain. Eventually I felt a presence over me, and a gentle hand removed the death clutch I had on my side. There was a poke and prod that made me scream like an amputee, and a cool touch on my forehead that made me open my eyes.

Instead of Bella, Carlisle was the one kneeled down next to me with a clinically detached expression on his face that did not entirely reach his reproaching eyes. Bella was nowhere to be seen.

"What happened?" I managed to ask hoarsely. My throat ached from the yell I had given. Esme came over and even the muscled giant was standing over me looking curious and somewhat amazed.

"It wasn't even that hard, I swear," he mumbled sourly but Esme only frowned and shooed him away.

"I don't understand myself," Carlisle finally said as he pulled me up to a sitting position that produced another coughing fit. Thankfully Esme and Emmett had left just in time to miss my lovely display of disgusting bodily fluids.

"This hit was not that serious Gabriel, how did it produce such damage? Were you hurt already?"

I nodded briefly but stopped because it made everything worse.

"I don't know what I can do for you except help you get up," Carlisle said after a pause. I finally turned to look at him in the face, ready to explain and beg for his silence but he only shook his head at me with a sorry look, "She knows everything already."

If I had been given a choice between smooching Castigóne willingly and facing Bella now, I would have asked where was the nearest pharmacy: I would need some Chapstick…the cherry kind. I felt worse than ever, not including the stabbing pain, especially when I looked wildly around and noticed she really was nowhere to be seen.

"You promised," I finally said, my voice hollow, "you promised you would not tell her."

"I had to tell her," Carlisle sighed and sat on the wet grass next to me, "Edward felt it…_unfair_ for her to be pinning your absence. It just came out."

I nodded vaguely and stared back at the house, wondering if she was looking at me through one of the darkened windows, "Is she mad?"

"The reason why Emmett hit you was because she asked him to do it," he said coldly, giving me a hard look, "Not that you didn't deserve it. I don't want you here Gabriel, you must leave as soon as you can get up."

"So she hates me now," I muttered, ignoring his comment. How could I react to this? The deeply sensitive part of me wanted to shed manly tears while my more rational side was thinking of ways to fix it. "She knows…she knows me now—the real me."

I looked up at him with horrified eyes, the small amount of sanity I had was threatening to break, "She knows me Carlisle, what do I do now? No one knows me, but now she does."

"You aren't making any sense," he said attempting make me get up, but I remained on the ground.

Sense? What was sense anyways? Was "sense" falling in love with snow when you were the sun? Or did "sense" have to do anything with the feeling of a pain stronger than the physical one when you knew you had hurt something precious? I was a coward who deserved her directed blows and complete scorn, but the brief look in her hard eyes said it all: I had broken something. Something that I never knew I could have the power to affect.

How did Bella see me? For the most part I had concentrated on my view of her, but what about her perspective of me? Had I been a dominant paternal figure? An overprotective big brother? Or something more?

What had her eyes exposed?

_Something more…you are something more…maybe._

Not anymore.

**Yay Gabe got some guy action! Good for him. Anyhow, I have an announcement to make. This upcoming school year I will study abroad in Germany. It will be hectic and stressful, but I will try and keep updating as regularly as I possibly can. I think writing this will keep the culture shock at bay. Soooo comment and give me your priceless thoughts!**


End file.
